PAGE ONE: Five Panel
Panel 1 - RAY waking up suddenly to the sound of an explosion, gunfire and screaming. Cell is dimly lit, RAY looks up from a horozontal position, laying on his side with his back towards the wall.
- Dialogue:
CAPTION: Raphael Riley's cell, Mule Creek Correctional Facility, 6:17 AM
SFX: WHOOMPH! CR-RR-RRASH!
1 - RAY: (thought balloon) "WHAT THE HELL WAS ... HUH?"
Panel 2 - Horizontal rectangular panel across remaining top of page, same height as preceding panel. RAY sits up fast and bangs his head on the edge of the metal bunk bed, strangely showing no reaction to it. His head leaves a slight dent on the bedframe.
Panel 3 - Worm's-eye-view at maybe knee height, showing RAY getting out of his bunk and looking out the open cell door. There should be fighting, prisoners fighting prisoners, guards fighting everybody, and smoke. It should be difficult to see through a haze of smoke, as though they were all silhouettes. RAY has his hand on his head, rubbing it. You'll be able to see his orange prison jumpsuit with "MULE CREEK CORRECTIONAL FACILITY" stenciled on the back. His facial expression is one of fear as he sees the scene outside his cell and rubs his head.
- Dialogue:
2 - RAY: (thought balloon) SHOULDN'T THAT HURT? (LETTERER: PLACE BALLOON IN UPPER RIGHT CORNER, STRETCH INTO PANEL 7 A LITTLE IF NEED BE)
Panel 4 - Over-the-shoulder shot of RAY from below and behind his left side, stepping out of the cell door, as a huge man whose head is smoking pushes past RAY, strangling with his bare hands a hapless guard. Above, four floors of cells are visible, with smoke and fighting and silhouetted people. Way overhead, a winged figure that ends in a serpentine tail, but has arms and a head like a human, should be visible in blurry silhouette.
- Dialogue:
CAPTION: YESTERDAY, MULE CREEK WAS FILLED WITH NORMAL PRISONERS. (LETTERER: ACROSS TOP OF PANEL 7)
Panel 5 - RAY seen from the right and behind walking towards a door, which seems brightly lit from the smoky, dark interior of the prison. Near the doorway, two prisoners have stolen nightsticks and are viciously beating a guard. His expression is one of amazement and fear, his hands raised slighly, ready for anything. His prison uniform should be tight.
- Dialogue:
CAPTION: TODAY, WITH THIS ERUPTION OF EXTRAORDINARY VIOLENCE ...
SFX: "AAAAH, GOD NO!" "UGH!" "I'MA KILL YOU, YOU LITTLE MUTHA..."
PAGE TWO and THREE: One panel total
Panel 1 - Panel shows what can only be considered a prison riot melee, a huge exercise yard with a high wall in the distance, guards on parapets above taking aim below. All over the panel, prisoners are rioting -- running, fighting each other and the guards. Fires are seen here and there, overturned weightlifting equipment, some barbells and weights being thrown and scattered around. Bodies, dead and dying, clearly human and not so clearly human, litter the ground. Feel free to make some smacks at traditional comic characters for two or three of the seventeen or so people that should be visible here. The virus has taken hold here, but few of these people will survive, and nobody who doesn't look human. There should be a reptilian guard flying around on batlike wings in the upper right hand corner, getting shot down by another guard on the walls, and underneath that guard, there should be huge cracks in the wall, as though it had suffered some kind of large impact. RAY can be clearly seen entering from the left. My guess is the "camera angle" should be fairly close up on RAY from his right and slightly behind, maybe just showing from the torso up, panning the whole width of the yard for the shot. I theorize the title of the issue, credits, and all that will go here as well.
- Dialogue:
TITLE: (smaller typface, SF aftershock debris) BIGGER:
TITLE: (large typeface, two lines, SF Aftershock Debris, all title text should fit together as a rectangle) BREAKING OUT OF THE CAGE
CAPTION: ... NOTHING WILL EVER BE THE SAME. (LETTERER: PLEASE PLACE CAPTION OVER SHOULDER OF MONSTER IN UPPER LEFT HAND CORNER OF PAGE 2)
SFX: (voices should be smaller font than regular "spoken" text) BLAM! BLAM BLAM BLAM! (gunfire) "AAAAAAH!" "HA HA, AT-TIC-A, YOU PIG SUMB..." "TEACH YO ASS TO STEAL MY SMOKES!" BLAM! BLAM! "PLEASE, PLEASE, NO!" "ALLAH WON'T SAVE YOU FROM THIS, DAMNED MOOSLIM!"
1 - RAY: "OH MY GOD ..."
PAGE FOUR: Five panels
Panel 1 - RAY begins to walk into this madness, in a kind of shocked haze. His facial expression should be one of amazement and horror. Over RAY's shoulder he'll hear some disturbing dialogue which he'll react to in a panel or so.
- Dialogue:
CAPTION: THE PRISON IS OVERWHELMED WITH DANGEROUS, UNEXPLAINABLE MADNESS. (LETTERER: PLEASE PUT CAPTION ALONG PANEL BREAK AT BOTTOM OF PANEL 1 AT THE TOP OF THIS PAGE.
1- OFF PANEL VOICE: AND DESIST, I'LL SHOOT, I SWEAR I WILL!
2- OFF PANEL VOICE: NO ... STOP, OH GOD, NO!
3- OFF PANEL VOICE: ... KILL YOU, GODDAMNED JUNGLE BUNNY SON OF A ...
Panel 2 - RAY turned at the waist, and behind him a burly prisoner (who looks a lot like Big Boss Man from wrestling) is crouched over a bleeding Black prisoner, choking the bleeding man to death with his bare hands. The Big Boss Man prisoner should have a wifebeater t-shirt on and a tattoo of the Stormfront logo.
- Dialogue:
4- RAY: (thought balloon) STORMFRONTER!
CAPTION: (WRITER'S NOTE: STORMFRONT IS A WHITE SUPREMACIST GROUP WITH MEMBERS IN AND OUT OF PRISONS) (LETTERER: PLEASE PLACE CAPTION AT LOWER RIGHT HAND CORNER OF PANEL 2, PAGE 4)
Panel 3 - RAY will start to run away, and Boss Man prisoner will look up and yell.
- Dialogue:
5- BOSS MAN PRISONER: HEH! HEY, C'MERE, TAR BABY! GOT SOMETHIN' FOR YA!
Panel 4 - Close up shot, just RAY's upper right torso and head up to his hairline will be visible as he glances over his shoulder, his face a mask of terror. Visible over his right shoulder will be a baseball-capped guard with a shotgun, taking aim in RAY's direction. This should be the first visible sign of RAY's clairvoyance, some kind of halo effect as we discussed, and it tells him what to do.
- Dialogue:
CAPTION: A MYSTERIOUS IMPULSE THROWS A WORD INTO RILEY'S MIND ... (LETTERER: PLEASE PLACE CAPTION IN UPPER LEFT HAND CORNER OF PANEL, OVER MOTION LINES)
6 - RAY: (thought balloon) LEFT! LEFT? OKAY ...
Panel 5 - RAY ducking left as the guard fires the shotgun, catching Boss Man prisoner in the torso with the full blast. Boss Man prisoner's knees should be buckling as the shot hits him, and RAY should be shown just out of range. I don't know if the best way to show this is from the right and behind, which would give a good profile of Boss Man prisoner as he's about to go down (but might block RAY in gunfire), from the left and behind, or what have you. Let's discuss.
- Dialogue:
CAPTION: ... RIGHT BEFORE A BULLET CAREENS THROUGH THE AIR.
SFX: BLAM!
7 - BOSS MAN PRISONER: (screaming, bold text) GAAAAAAAAH!
PAGE FIVE: Five panels
Panel 1 - RAY has fallen on the ground and looks up to see the guard's shotgun aimed at him. RAY has a terrified look on his face. Camera angle, I suppose, is from standing eye level, looking down on RAY from his right side. The guard's shoulder, head and left side, along with his gun, will be visible.
- Dialogue:
CAPTION: THE DETERMINED GUARD, READY FOR WAR, TAKES AIM AT RILEY, JUST ANOTHER RIOTING PRISONER ... (LETTERER: I'M REMOVING PRIOR "CLI-CLACK SINCE THE GUN DRAWN IS NOT THE SHOTGUN I REQUESTED)
1 - RAY: NOOO!
Panel 2 - Ground level shot, this time camera angle aimed over RAY's right shoulder. A burly, football-player looking Black prisoner tackles the guard as the sun shines down on them from overhead.
- Dialogue:
2 - BURLY PRISONER: ... GET YOU FOR LOCKIN' ME DOWN, MUTHA ...
Panel 3 - RAY's face in closeup, scared and amazed, making a decision, as the chaos around him has gotten to be too much. I'd kind of like this to be a poster-worthy shot for my own reasons, especially with the dialogue below.
- Dialogue:
3 - RAY: (thought balloon) THAT DID IT. I'M OUT OF HERE!
Panel 4 - Ray is getting up, hands still on the ground and his knee near his chest, looking to the left of the panel. He's shown from the left and behind, I suppose, giving him a slight profile. In the direction he's looking, the aforementioned crack in the wall should be a hole, with prisoners making a run for it.
- Dialogue:
SFX: Voices saying "AAAGH, MY LEG!" "LET'S GO!" "CHUCK, THEY AIN'T GONNA STOP ME, MAN!" "COME ON, YOU BAD, BRING IT!" "NO, LAWD HAVE MERCY, NO!"
Panel 5 - Ray is running, shown from his left again, similar angle from before, and looks towards the "camera," again scared.
- Dialogue:
4 - RAY: (thought balloon) IF I CAN GET OUT THAT HOLE IN THE ... AW HELL NAW ...
PAGE SIX: Five panels
Panel 1 - DILLON, holding a huge Latino prisoner over his head easily, shirtless and enraged. People are running from him, and behind him, a guard lies broken, his leg twisted in an unnatural angle. This is obviously a decent distance from RAY, but I dunno how to convey that -- he sees it across the yard, and DILLON hasn't seen him yet.
- Dialogue:
1 - DILLON: GRAAAAAAAH!!!!!
Panel 2 - Showing RAY making very fast motion towards the breach in the wall. If you'd like to do this with a solid RAY turning away, scared, and two or three smaller semi-transparent RAYs in a stream of motion, closer to the breach, that's fine. I trust you here, the game of visual vocab is new to me.
Panel 3 - As RAY is running (motion lines?), a baton-wielding Black guard, a really freakin' huge guy, steps between RAY and the breach. On the ground are some prisoners he's already laid out, including a stretchy one of the Mr. Fantastic/Ralph Dibny/Plastic Man variety.
Panel 4 - RAY holds up his arms and smashes into the huge guard, tossing him aside like tissue paper. It's an instinctual reaction that RAY does without thinking, making his way towards freedom.
- Dialogue:
SFX: WHAM!
2 - GUARD: OOOOF!
3 - RAY: MOVE, FOOL!
Panel 5 - Panel shows RAY leaping nimbly through very large hole in prison wall, a guard hanging over the balcony above, shot and probably dead. The sun should be visible behind RAY as he goes, but he's looking ahead of him, nervous. That kind of stretched vein look you did on the Bigger sketch should work here, showing his anxiety. The guard should be only slightly visible, hurled away by RAY.
PAGE SEVEN: Five Panels
Panel 1 - Each panel on this page should resemble the rest in composition, probably long rectangles all the way across the page, probably showing RAY from his right side, running towards the right side of the page. Your call, really. They are all intended to show RAY running a long time and running really far. This first panel should show RAY running through tall grass, agitatedly looking over his right shoulder, moving fast. He should be shown as though the camera were at the same level as his head and perhaps ten feet away. There may be one or two other people in the shot, running in different directions away from RAY, and he should be moving way faster than them. It's morning, so RAY's shadow should be long and leaning towards the left side of the page (I envision him running east, and east is always right in my mind ... you get the point).
Panel 2 - The same shot, pulled back a bit (i.e. fifty feet away from RAY, showing him smaller), and shot from perhaps 5 feet higher than RAY's head. RAY is now running through fields of wheat, moving obviously faster than normal humans can. It's mid morning, and RAY's shadow is closer to him, but still leaning left. It should also be bright, a clear, sunny day. No one else is visible.
Panel 3 - Same shot, pulled even farther back (100 feet or so away from him), same vertical level. It's noon, and no shadow is cast on either side, just straight below him. RAY is running alongside a one lane crappy county road, paved but in shitty condition. His clothes should be fraying a little from the pressure his running is putting on him.
Panel 4 - Same shot, farther back (let's say 200 feet away, now elevated to about ten feet over RAY's head). It's mid-afternoon, and RAY's shadow is in front of him (towards the right side of the page). Still bright, but some clouds now. Detail on RAY is pretty vague now
Panel 5 - Same shot, probably 250 feet away, same height, RAY's a running speck now, perhaps shown a little behind him. RAY should once again be moving through tall grass, but at this range you can see a field with a scarecrow and an unattended tractor, just sitting in the field. Your call as how you wanna convey his motion here, I'm sure you get the point by now. It's getting closer to sundown, and RAY's shadow should be as far ahead of him as it was behind him in Panel 1. RAY should be approaching a kind of forest, far along the right side of the page.
PAGE EIGHT: Six Panels
Panel 1 - RAY stops in this wooded area, hiding behind some trees and underbrush, looking anxiously towards the left side of the page (the west, where he was running from). He's a little winded, sweaty, his clothes look rough. You should be able to see his now-well defined and muscular form clearly, as his prison gear should be both torn and tight enough to show he's outgrown it.
- Dialogue:
1 - RAY: (thought balloon) DAMN, DAMN, DAMN, DAMN ... DID I GET AWAY? HOW DID I KNOCK DOWN THAT BIG ASS GUARD?
Panel 2 - Close up on RAY from just below his head, showing him looking towards upper right corner of panel (which is just looking plain right for him, bear with me). Clouds should be drifting by overhead, and the sky should be partially obscured by tree branches and leaves.
- Dialogue:
2 - RAY: (thought balloon) CAN'T GET CAUGHT AGAIN -- GOTTA FIND A WAY BACK TO L.A. ...
Panel 3 - Shot over RAY's right shoulder, showing him peering through the woods and seeing a dimly lit farmhouse in the distance. Outside, a laundry line is visible with women's and kid's clothes hanging, there's a pile of propane tanks and a barbecue there, and a beat up white and orange Ford pickup truck sitting on blocks. An unmanned and idle tractor peeks out of a barn nearby.
- Dialogue:
3 - RAY: (thought balloon) ... HOPE NOBODY'S HOME.
Panel 4 - RAY is seen walking slowly towards the house, about halfway between the wooded area and the front door, crouched and walking carefully, approaching from the left side of the panel. His orange prison jumpsuit stands out starkly from his surroundings. Chickens peck aimlessly at the ground near a chicken coop off to the right side of the panel closer to the upper right corner. A mailbox in the yard should read "ORTIZ," and be likewise weatherbeaten and run down.
Panel 5 - RAY puts an elbow through the lower pane of a window in the door, holding the screen door open on his back and looking furtively over his right shoulder (the screen door opens out and from right to left, the inside door opens in and right to left).
Panel 6 - RAY is stepping inside the door, into a sparse but homey kitchen. Off to RAY's left should be a sink with mismatched dishes to one side of it, shelves should be littered with dimestore knickknacks and images of the Virgin Mary. Three beat up plastic yellow TV trays should be neatly leaned up against the wall, right next to the doorway. The floor should be red and white tile with a rose in the center of each tile, but the floor is clearly worn and aged, cracking and peeling up at the edges. Over the doorway into the hall (opposite RAY) a sign should read in Spanish "God Bless Our Home" (you can go to freetranslation.com and find out what that would be). The kitchen should be one of a poor Latino family barely making it on a farm they own, first gen immigrants who did well enough to buy this place but not well enough to do much with it. On the floor, near the door and RAY's knee, there should be a visible sackcloth bag of rutabagas (which is an inside joke to someone I know), just like the bags of potatoes you get at the store. Detail is important, so in addition to my notes, feel free to add what you may know about poverty -- it's not dirty at all, because they care for it with great detail, but it's far from fancy.
- Dialogue:
4 - RAY: (thought balloon) SHOULDN'T THAT HURT? HH.
PAGE NINE: Seven Panels
Panel 1 - RAY has made it to the parent's bedroom -- he's seen stepping in the doorway. Over his shoulder, the children's room is visible, door open, lucha libre (masked Mexican wrestling) posters on the wall. The bedroom has a sliding door closet on the left side of the panel (RAY's right), a worn queen sized bed with a handmade bedspread with a picture of a Latin-ized Virgin Mary on it directly in front of RAY, a chest-of-drawers to his left (panel right). There's faded wallpaper, peeling in some spots, on the walls, a dingy white with a pink pattern of of roses or something, similar to the way its interspersed in the kitchen floor (they're poor, but well coordinated).
Panel 2 - RAY is near the nightstand between the bed and the aforementioned closet. A somewhat ratty looking lamp (but well maintained, remember, these people care and they work hard) sits there, amidst pictures of the Ortiz family, with one larger one (a family portrait) dominating the rest (all snapshots, kids playing soccer, the husband on the aforementioned tractor, whatever). The family portrait shows the Ortizes -- the father, balding, paunchy, mid-40s, , shoulders slumped from years of hard labor, bad teeth, well meaning, smiling pleasantly in a blue polyester blazer that may never have been in style, tan slacks pressed immaculately, and a white and yellow button shirt with wide lapels. The mother, early 40s, black hair with gray streaks, in a bun atop her head for the picture, plumping with age, some kind of conservative dress. Two twin boys, freshly pressed gray gabardine slacks under matching blue v-necked sweaters, their bowl haircuts as identical as their smiles. RAY is barely in the panel, looking down at this photo, with him on the right side of the panel.
- Dialogue:
1 - RAY: (thought balloon) AW MAN ... THESE ARE GOOD PEOPLE, I DON'T WANNA STEAL FROM THEM ...
Panel 3 - Perspective shifts, RAY has opened the closet -- jam packed with both clothes and boxes of knicknacks (the wife's a packrat). He's looking for something to wear, which is hard since the husband is much smaller than him. RAY is rifling through the clothes, but being careful because he feels guilty stealing from these people.
- Dialogue:
2 - RAY: (thought balloon) NEED SOMETHING DIFFERENT TO WEAR.
3 - RAY: (thought balloon) I'LL MAKE IT UP TO 'EM, FOR REAL ...
Panel 4 - RAY has found something to wear, sort of. He's got a pair of the husband's biggest pairs of pants, sagging down near his crotch. A wifebeater style sleeveless t-shirt is tucked in, and stretched tight across RAY's torso. A blank baseball cap sits atop RAY's head, and a yellow rain slicker (coming down to mid-thigh on RAY, probably knee length on the husband) covers the entirety of it. RAY has his arms spread wide, still in front of the closet, looking down at himself, regarding his larger size (maybe pulling on a sleeve, which is tight, and amazed facial expression). His uniform is balled up in his left hand.
- Dialogue:
4 - RAY: (thought balloon) I LOOK LIKE A MAJOR HERB, BUT THIS SHOULD WORK ... AH HELL, FINGERPRINTS.
Panel 5 - RAY is seen, walking backwards down the dimly lit hall, silhouetted by ambient light from the kitchen (behind him) and bedroom (nearby, to his left) wiping surfaces with his uniform as he goes. He's clearly uncomfortable in the tight fitting clothes.
- Dialogue:
5 - RAY: (thought balloon) HOPE I DON'T MISS ANYTHING.
6 - RAY: (thought balloon) DAMN, I'M HUNGRY THAN A MUG!
Panel 6 - Back in the doorway of the house, in the kitchen, RAY looks forlornly back, hand on his growling stomach. This should probably be a shot from the front, but your call. It's getting dark outside.
- Dialogue:
7 - RAY: (thought balloon) I CAN'T TAKE NO MORE FROM THEM. MAYBE A NOTE ...
8 - RAY: (thought balloon) NAW, I'LL JUST REMEMBER AND MAIL THEM SOME MONEY OR SOMETHIN.'
Panel 7 - RAY, trudging south, looking down at the ground. Probably shot from the rear as he walks away from the house (and the camera). He's probably fifty meters away as the shot happens. It's almost dark now, he's been in the house maybe twenty minutes, and it's cold (maybe his breath is visible, maybe not, your call).
PAGE TEN: Nine Panels
Panel 1 - It's pitch black, much later, and in a rural area like this, there's very few lights. RAY wanders into a small town called Valley Springs, CA. RAY trudges out of the darkness, hungry, roadworn and dusty from walking 20 miles or so (but not tired). His uniform is tucked under his arm, inside the rain slicker. RAY steps across a road or something, one of the main strips on the outside of town, towards the bus station.
Panel 2 - RAY looks around inside the dingy bus station, coming in from the right side of the panel. They still have rows of those chairs with a black-and-white coin-operated TV attached, a snack machine has a big "OUT OF ORDER" sign hanging on it, and an entrance to bathrooms (men on the left, women on the right, pay phones in the middle) at the far edge, off to RAY's right. The ticket window is not visible from this angle, but it's a few yards exactly behind the "camera." RAY's clairvoyance is gonna hit here, so if you wanna do a spidey-sense-esque effect, here's another place for it. The ceiling is maybe fifteen feet above the floor, a surprisingly large and open layout for a small town bus station.
- Dialogue:
1 - RAY: (thought balloon) SIT NEAR THE BATHROOM? HUH. WHATEVER.
Panel 3 - Shot from above maybe, like ceiling level, shows RAY wedging himself into a chair two seats from the end of the row, closest to the bathroom. I see this shot like it's from a security camera, but I'm not married to that idea. Whatever's best. A newspaper has been left behind, rumpled and read numerous times, to RAY's left (our right).
Panel 4 - A few minutes later, a young white couple storms in, MATT trailing TAMMY, she's obviously angry. They're both mid-twenties, wearing rough looking clothes that were bought to look that way, $200 sunglasses resting on his head and hanging from the front of her shirt. They both are carrying freshly bought Jansport backpacks, both in top-of-the-line Birkenstocks. MATT has blonde hair, close cropped in a kind of a flat-top, with an american flag bandanna as a headband. He has a close cropped goatee, is slight of build, gestures with his hands a lot, has a simple gold wedding band on his left hand. TAMMY has shoulder length brownish-black hair, once curly but getting straight due to neglect. She's a tiny thing, not ugly but not really attractive, and very clearly rich, including a staggering wedding ring, a large emerald pendant, you know. They don't notice RAY at all, reading the discarded newspaper.
- Dialogue:
2 - MATT: ... BABY, COME ON, WE'RE GETTING TO KNOW THE REAL AMERICA!
3 - TAMMY: LIKE YOU "GOT TO KNOW" THAT REDHEAD WAITRESS IN THE LAST TOWN, MATT?
4 - TAMMY: UGH! I WANNA GO HOME!
Panel 5 - The couple rest their backpacks five seats to the left of RAY and keep arguing. She starts crying.
- Dialogue:
5 - TAMMY: HOW COULD YOU? SHE WAS SO OLD, OH GOD! MY MOTHER WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU!
6 - MATT: TAM, COME ON, BABY, I'M SORRY!
Panel 6 - Frustrated, the girl runs away from him, rushing into the women's bathroom. The guy is hot on her heels, and RAY is looking at their now-abandoned backpacks. Another "flash" of insight.
- Dialogue:
7 - TAMMY: (crying) THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE MY HONEYMOON!
8 - RAY: (thought balloon) HM.
Panel 7 - As the sounds of arguing echo non-sensically from the bathroom, RAY is up and walking by, picking up the guy's backpack as he passes, heading towards the ticket window.
- Dialogue:
9 - MATT: (from bathroom) PLEASE STOP CRYING! I'M SORRY, I'M SO SORRY!
Panel 8 - Almost to the ticket window (it should be visible, now, with an old, bespectacled white guy in a visor, soundly asleep, mouth open and snoring, leaning on his own fist), RAY is rooting through the backpack and finds a whole lotta cash.
- Dialogue:
10 - RAY: (thought balloon) AW, BET, THIS IS ... HM, THEY PROBABLY GOT SOME MONEY IN HER BAG, TOO.
11 - RAY: (thought balloon) KEEP MOVIN,' IT'S ALL GOOD.
Panel 9 - Shown from RAY's right, he's smiling pleasantly and paying for the ticket, with the bathroom door and the other backpack, still on the seat, visible behind him.
- Dialogue:
12 - TICKET COUNTER FOGEY: (from mostly off panel, only his hand is seen, handing over the ticket) HEH, THAT'S THE ONE YOU WANT, PULLIN' IN NOW!
13 - RAY: ... COOL. THANK YOU!
PAGE ELEVEN: Three Panels
Panel 1 - RAY looks out the window of the bus, looking into the bus station, and still sees the other backpack on the seat.
Panel 2 - The bus pulls away into the dark night, away from the fainting illumination of Valley Creek, down Highway 49.
Panel 3 - From slightly above, RAY is seen through the window of the bus, sleeping in a seat, no one beside him, hugging the backpack close to his body.
PAGE TWELVE: Six panels
Panel 1 - RAY steps one foot off the bus in Hollywood, the backpack slung over one shoulder. Four or five people are walking sleepily away from the bus, recent departees themselves. The harsh neon of the station sign and the hazy illumination of street lights cast a solemn glow over the scene. Few buildings are higher than three or four stories, and this section of Hollywood has a kind of run down feelings like the endless streets of brownstones in Brooklyn. I'll take some pictures to show you.
Panel 2 - RAY has just missed a #1 bus, roaring past him on Hollywood Boulevard at the Cahuenga stop. He's near a bench, and should still have his hand up, trying to flag the bus down. The bus bench, one of those covered affairs, should have an ad space for a comic book logo -- if we are indeed an Image book by the time this becomes important, we'll ask Stephenson which logo he'd prefer go here, if not, we'll figger something else out. There should be litter on the streets, and the rolled down metal gate of an electronics store, its neon lights dim and its sign turned off.
- Dialogue:
1 - RAY: (shouting) HEY! HEY ... AW, DAMN!
Panel 3 - RAY is seen from behind, still walking south on Cahuenga, the backpack hanging from his shoulder, his head held low, massive shoulders slumped. The street is one lane in either direction, with a turn lane in between, and cars (mostly clunkers) parked at meters all along. No buildings here are higher than two stories (but you'll see that in the photo reference). These cinderblock buildings were all built in the 50s, and have some signs of neglect but are generally okay looking. Still, this isn't the shiny part of Hollywood, this is the grungy part. At night, in dim light, they all look dirty white, regardless of what they've really been painted.
- Dialogue:
2 - RAY: (thought balloon) I NEED FOOD, I AIN'T ATE ALL DAY.
Panel 4 - An all-night taco stand looms on RAY's right as he's walking. He examines it with caution, but sees nothing he should worry about, just a bored looking older Mexican man with a drooping face, staring boredly into nothing.
Panel 5 - RAY is seen, from the front, a large bag of food tucked in the nook of his elbow, a massive burrito (should be about ten inches long and maybe four inches across) in one hand and a huge drink in the other. He's eating voraciously, rice dripping out and down to the ground as he walks.
- Dialogue:
3 - RAY: (thought balloon) LIKE HE AIN'T NEVER SEEN NOBODY ORDER EIGHT DAMN BURRITOS BEFORE.
Panel 6 - Just moments later, turning right on Melrose (heading east/left in the book, FYI), RAY is finishing off the last burrito already and shaking the almost-empty drink. He passes another bus stop, but ignores it.
- Dialogue:
4 - RAY: (thought balloon) I'M STILL HUNGRY? DAMN, I'MA HAVE TO FIND SOME MORE FOOD.
5 - RAY: (thought balloon) AIN'T NOTHIN' OPEN ON MELROSE, THOUGH.
PAGE THIRTEEN: Seven panels
Panel 1 - RAY walking down Melrose, late at night, head down, quietly. Probably a profile shot, which will give you a chance to show the endlessly opulent homes and meticulously sculpted yards he'll pass, a virtually invisible man.
- Dialogue:
SFX: VROOOOOOOOOM! (approaching)
Panel 2 - Shot from the front, RAY walking calmly along as a white BMW convertible with tinted windows drives recklessly along the road (the street has two lanes in each direction and a turn lane in the middle. RAY notices nothing.
- Dialogue:
SFX: VROOOOOOOOOM! (closer)
Panel 3 - Shot from inside the BMW, through the tinted windshield. A bottle of Skky Vodka is in the cup holder, which is in front of the CD player. Manicured Persian hands grip the wheel, with a number of expensive rings on fingers, and a rolex on the right wrist. The rearview mirror should show a sweating, middle aged Persian guy (light skinned persian, not the swarthy bastards) from the nose up with sunglasses askew, and his eyes rolling, a small hint of cocaine on his left nostril. You should just be able to make out the head of a woman (huge, pouffy red hair, think Peg Bundy from Married with Children) whose face is obviously in the man's lap. Through the windshield you should see RAY, spinning as his clairvoyance is activated (should his clairvoyance be seen from this angle? It's not visible to other people ... let's discuss), holding up his hands, his backpack loose on his shoulder.
- Dialogue:
1- DJ: (from car stereo) ... and that was the latest from The Killers, you're listening to KROQ ...
2 - BIMBO: MMPH, MMPH, MM-HMM!
3 - PERSIAN MATT: OOOOGH, OH, OOOH ... UH?
Panel 4 - Profile from driver's side as car plows into RAY, shoving him back some and sending his backpack flying straight up. The car has jumped the curb and has already ricocheted off a huge wall of shrubbery.
- Dialogue:
SFX: CRRRAAAAAAASH!!!!!
4 - RAY: WHOOF! (air rushing out of him)
Panel 5 - RAY has been knocked twenty or so feet back. The shot should be over his head, as he's muddy and scruffed, but he can see the BMW has a tree-shaped (or man shaped, depending on opinion) rut in its front end, the engine shoved into the main compartment and a fire starting inside.
- Dialogue:
5 - RAY: WHU ... I'M, I'M OKAY! BUT ...
Panel 6 - The BMW explodes hugely. No survivors. It even flips over, backwards (away from RAY, who looks on in horror), landing in the middle of the two lanes closer to RAY.
- Dialogue:
SFX: KA-BOOM!!!!!
Panel 7 - Shot from just over the fire, RAY is seen from behind, running like crazy, as the fire consumes the vehicle completely. As RAY's speed is greater, he should have made some distance by this time.
- Dialogue:
NO TEXT
PAGE FOURTEEN: Four panels
Panel 1 - RAY arrives at Western, now a long way from the richer areas, this more run-down part of Hollywood has storefronts and a bus stop next to a dingy Shell station.
- Dialogue:
1 - RAY: (thought balloon) THIS MESS IS CRAZY! HOW CAN I BE ALIVE?
Panel 2 - RAY has taken a seat at the southbound bus stop on Western, and is rooting through the backpack. The bus stop is one of the covered kinds, with an ad for a comic book called Jim's Samurai on the display (I'll get you a picture, we may swap that for David's book Manhattan Comics). A dead pidgeon lies off to one side, and there's a small amount of trash, like a half empty can was overturned hours ago, lying around on the sidewalk. You should be able to see a turbaned attendant sweeping up inside the Shell station behind the stop. RAY's clothes look like hell, as he's just gotten hit, slid through dirt at a high velocity, and run like hell.
- Dialogue:
2 - RAY: (thought balloon) OL' BOY MUSTA LIKED THAT BAGGY LOOK. THINK I CAN FIT SOME OF THIS.
Panel 3 - Close up on RAY, whose head has popped up in an expression of surprise and thought. He's bigger than he was. He ran all day. Something is decidedly not normal.
- Dialogue:
3 - RAY: (thought balloon) WHAT HAPPENED TO ME UP AT MULE CREEK?
4 - RAY: (thought balloon) I MUST BE FOUR INCHES TALLER, CARS BOUNCE OFF ME ... WHAT THE HELL?
Panel 4 - RAY stands up, looking north on Western to see if the bus is coming. You can see traffic lights all the way down the street, and streetlights regularly, with yellowed/blue rectagular banners hanging from them announcing "Celebrate Diversity!"
- Dialogue:
5 - RAY: (thought balloon) NO BUS ... I BET WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT FOOL DILLON HAPPENED TO ME TOO.
6 - RAY: (thought balloon) HE WAS THROWIN' PEOPLE AROUND... SHOOT, LEMME CHANGE CLOTHES OVER HERE ...
PAGE FIFTEEN: Four panels
Panel 1 - RAY has stepped over into an alley behind the Shell station, shadowed by a large, old-looking building, and is changing out of the clothes from the Ortiz farm. The backpack is resting on his foot as he takes his shirt off, holding the new plaid flannel shirt in one hand. He has the new jeans on already, and has the old khaki pants hanging out of the open backpack, half stuffed in.
- Dialogue:
1 - RAY: (thought balloon) WHAT COULD MAKE ME CHANGE LIKE THIS ...
2 - RAY: (thought balloon) OR MAKE DILLON EVEN MORE LOC'ED THAN HE NORMALLY IS? WHAT IF ... IS THAT A BUS? DAMMIT ...
Panel 2 - RAY is jogging back to the stop, baseball cap on, flannel shirt on and sleeves rolled up to his elbows, backpack over his left shoulder. He can see the #207 bus stopped at the light.
- Dialogue:
3 - RAY: (thought balloon) ALMOST MISSED THIS FOOL.
Panel 3 - RAY is seen through the bus window, sliding a bill into the machine, the bus driver ignoring him completely. An old, fat woman is sleeping in a seat by the door, and the digital display on the bus proclaims, "GO SPARKS!"
Panel 4 - The back of the bus is seen, driving south on Western.
PAGE SIXTEEN: Seven panels
Panel 1 - RAY in a room of the Snooty Fox Motel on Western -- RAY has successfully made it back to the 'hood, and this beat up room is an indication of it. This panel should show RAY looking out the window like the famous Malcolm X pose KRS used as an album cover. RAY will be holding the blinds with one hand to see, have a phone receiver on his collarbone and the body of the phone in his free hand. The room is lit solely by the bright neon illumination from the window. It should evoke the light-through-tattered-blinds feel I have in the opening paragraph of the prose narrative, with RAY looking very nervous as he's talking to his sister on the phone.
- Dialogue:
1 - ANGELA: (through phone) ... AND IT AIN'T BEEN EASY, KEEPIN' MOMMA FROM HEARIN' THE NEWS ...
2 - RAY: ANGELA, SHUT UP FOR A SECOND, OKAY? I NEED YOUR HELP, I NEED SOME CLOTHES AND STUFF.
RAY: I JUST GOTTA LAY LOW AND FIGURE ALL THIS OUT.
Panel 2 - RAY walks away from the window, agitated. Maybe a closeup here?
- Dialogue:
3 - ANGELA: (through phone) I'M ONLY TELLIN' YOU THIS BECAUSE I'M YOUR SISTER AND I LOVE YOU
4 - ANGELA: (through phone) RAPHAEL RILEY, THIS IS STUPID. YOU GOTTA TURN YOURSELF IN.
Panel 3 - RAY sits on the bed, leaning over and carrying on the conversation.
- Dialogue:
5 - RAY: (grimly) I AIN'T GOING BACK, ANG.
6 - RAY: (agitated) I AIN'T DO THE GODDAMNED ROBBERY, I AIN'T TRUSTIN' THEM WITH MY LIFE AGAIN!
7 - RAY: LOOK, ARE YOU GONNA BRING ME SOME STUFF OR WHAT?
Panel 4 - RAY is seen from behind, just a large figure leaned over and looking very vulnerable. He's still holding the phone to his ear, the window and its tattered blinds should be visible behind him.
Panel 5 - Exact same panel from before, but with talk.
- Dialogue:
8 - ANGELA: (through phone) I'D BE A PISS POOR BIG SISTER IF I DIDN'T.
9 - ANGELA: (through phone) I'LL GET SOME OF YOUR CLOTHES AND BE RIGHT OVER.
10 - RAY: HOLD UP ... GET ME SOME GEAR FROM THAT BOX OF KENNY'S STUFF YOU KEEP IN THE CLOSET.
11 - ANGELA: (through phone) KENNY'S STUFF IS TOO BIG FOR YOU, BOY!
Panel 6 - Semi-close-up shot of RAY from his right side and below (angled up). RAY is holding his hand in front of his face as he talks on the phone, his expression one of confusion.
- Dialogue:
12 - RAY: LET'S JUST SAY I PUT ON SOME WEIGHT.
13 - RAY: SPEAKING OF, CAN YOU STOP AT POPEYE'S AND GET ME, LIKE, A GANG OF CHICKEN?
14 - RAY: LIKE, FOR REAL, A LOT. I'M HUNGRY AS HELL, YO.
Panel 7 - Another panel like Panel 4 and 5.
- Dialogue:
15 - ANGELA: (through phone, laughing) HEH, OKAY BABY BOY, I'LL BE THERE IN A HALF HOUR. BE COOL, RAY.
SFX: CLICK!
PAGE SEVENTEEN: Six panels
Panel 1 - ANGELA is sitting on the bed across from RAY, smirking at him as he inhales a 16 piece dinner with fries and potato salad. She's wearing a brown suede jacket, stylish but a year older than it should be, a denim skirt that goes down to her ankles, and a light blue cable-knit turtleneck sweater.
- Dialogue:
CAPTION: LATER ...
1 - ANGELA: DAMN, RAY, SHOW THE POOR BIRD SOME MERCY!
2 - RAY: HUH?
Panel 2 - Profile shot of the two of them sitting across from one another, him on the left and her on the right. The speech balloons should go between them showing who speaks first.
- Dialogue:
3 - ANGELA: I CAN'T GET OVER HOW MUCH BIGGER YOU ARE. I USED TO BE ABLE TO PICK YOU UP!
4 - RAY: YEAH, WELL, IT'S LIKE THAT SOMETIMES.
Panel 3 - Closeup on ANGELA, looking concerned, playing with her curly hair nervously (she's got those kind of springy curls sisters get at a salon).
- Dialogue:
5 - ANGELA: ALL THAT CRAZINESS YOU TOLD ME ABOUT PRISON, PEOPLE LOOKIN' WILD AND YOU GETTIN' BIGGER LIKE THIS ...
6 - ANGELA: WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NOW?
Panel 4 - Just like Panel 2, but RAY is sitting in front of a demolished box of chicken, wiping his mouth with a Popeye's napkin (your call on whether it should show the little raised logo on it, I'm not picky).
- Dialogue:
7 - RAY: IT WAS PROLLY SOME GOVERNMENT EXPERIMENT, SNEAKIN' STUFF IN THE FOOD, LIKE SOME X-FILES STUFF.
8 - RAY: I GOTTA CHILL FOR A MINUTE, GET MY HEAD RIGHT. YOU KNOW HOW WE'D ALWAYS GET THE RIGHT IDEA, KNOW WHICH WAY TO GO AND NOT GET LOST?
9 - ANGELA: THIS AIN'T COMIN' HOME FROM THE CRICK. WHAT HAPPENS WHEN MOMMA READS A NEWSPAPER? SHE'S GONNA THINK YOU'RE DEAD ...
Panel 5 - Closeup on RAY, looking down forlornly.
- Dialogue:
10 - RAY: MAYBE THAT'D BE BETTER ... I WAS GOOD ENOUGH, BEIN' A PLUMBER. I CAN'T GO TO COLLEGE OR BE A REAL ESTATE AGENT LIKE YOU.
11 - RAY: I'M JUST A BIG NOTHING.
Panel 6 - Closeup on ANGELA, angry, pointing a manicured finger and animated.
- Dialogue:
12 - ANGELA: I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH BIGGER YOU ARE, I'MA BANK YOU UPSIDE THE HEAD, TALKIN' LIKE THAT.
13 - ANGELA: WHAT MOMMA ALWAYS CALLED US? HER ANGELS! NAMED YOU RAPHAEL, "THE SHINING ONE WHO HEALS?" IT'S ON THAT NEEDLEPOINT IN THE LIVING ROOM!
14 - ANGELA: YOU'RE JUST A GOOD MAN CAUGHT UP IN SOME BAD STUFF.
PAGE EIGHTEEN: Seven panels
Panel 1 - Flashback panel, with caption showing ANGELA talking. The panel will show a nighttime scene with RAY's head being pushed into the back of a police car by a police officer. The officer's face should not be visible, but his name badge, reading BALDWIN should be. Coloring on this should probably be more "washed out" than normal panels, or perhaps done in two colors. A different shaped panel would help as well. Remember, in the flashback, it's skinny RAY, not bigger RAY.
- Dialogue:
1 - CAPTION: (ANGELA speaking) THEY WAS LOOKIN' FOR SOMEBODY DRESSED LIKE YOU. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, THAT ....
Panel 2 - Flashback panel, shows RAY in court, dressed in a suit, ANGELA and his mother visible behind him, breaking into tears, RAY hanging his head low, with bailiffs moving in to grab him. Similar treatment as previous panel, with more skinny RAY.
- Dialogue:
2 - CAPTION: (ANGELA speaking) OR GETTIN' THAT CRAPPY PUBLIC DEFENDER. OR THAT D.A. NEEDIN' TO CLOSE THAT CASE.
Panel 3 - Flashback panel, showing RAY getting off the bus at Mule Creek (should be a sign, "WELCOME TO MULE CREEK CORRECTIONAL FACILITY." RAY should be shackled at wrists and ankles, looking forlorn and downtrodden amongst a crowd of similarly desheveled prisoners. I figger these three panels should take up the top quarter of the page, but there's room to see how it goes. Of course, the last appearance of skinny RAY this issue.
- Dialogue:
3 - CAPTION: (ANGELA speaking) YOU WAS A SOLDIER, GOIN' IN THERE. YOU'RE GONNA FIND A WAY OUT OF THIS.
Panel 4 - ANGELA gets up, getting ready to leave, brushing her skirt smooth. RAY just watches her.
- Dialogue:
5 - ANGELA: LEMME GET HOME, BEFORE MOMMA WAKES UP AND SEE'S I'M GONE.
6 - ANGELA: STAY HERE TONIGHT, AND I'LL COME TAKE YOU OVER TO THAT LITTLE MOTEL OFF BUCKINGHAM.
7 - RAY: OKAY.
Panel 5 - At the door, RAY and ANGELA hug as she reaches up and slaps him upside the back of his head.
- Dialogue:
8 - ANGELA: YOU SO MUCH BIGGER, DANG! KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN, BABY BROTHER.
9 - RAY: I WILL.
Panel 6 - RAY is seen looking through the blinds as ANGELA pulls away in a 1997 burgundy Toyota Corolla.
Panel 7 - Lights out. RAY is seen, under the covers, lying on his side, mouth open, sleeping. An analog clock on the nightstand should read 5:37 AM.
PAGE NINETEEN: Four panels
Panel 1 - Daylight, downtown Los Angeles. Busy street in front of a Starbucks, HEATHER FLYNN is walking, reading the Wall Street Journal, sipping a frappuchino, wearing a blazer, matching knee-length skirt, a white blouse, and her blonde hair down.
- Dialogue:
CAPTION: THE NEXT MORNING, DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES
1 - DILLON (from off panel) HEATHER!
Panel 2 - HEATHER turns around, holding her coffee and newspaper lower, and sees DILLON standing there, seething with rage. He's wearing blue jeans and has a dark blue security guard's jacket (with a nameplate that reads "Manuel"), no shirt, a quarter of his tattoo still visible.
- Dialogue:
2 - DILLON: YOU WALKED AWAY FROM US, HEATHER ...
3 - HEATHER: OH DEAR GOD, NO ...
Panel 3 - In a rush of movement DILLON rushes across the crowded sidewalk and snatches HEATHER in a kind of a flying tackle (remember, since he's so much stronger, that also increases his base speed to less-than-Quicksilver-but-still-superhuman levels).
- Dialogue:
4 - HEATHER: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Panel 4 - DILLON is seen, HEATHER tossed over one shoulder, running down the street as onlookers gawk. As he goes, he stiffarms a bike cop into traffic.
PAGE TWENTY: Seven panels
Panel 1 - Same as Panel 4, Page 19, but with filtered sunlight. The phone next to the bed is ringing. The clock on the nightstand read 9:42 AM.
- Dialogue:
SFX: BRRRRIIIING!
1 - RAY: WHA? HUH?
Panel 2 - RAY has the phone receiver to his ear while covering his eyes with the other arm. He's rolled onto his back in bed.
- Dialogue:
2 - RAY: WHO IS IT?
3 - ANGELA: (through phone) IT'S YOUR SISTER, TURN ON CHANNEL ELEVEN.
4 - RAY: WHAT? WHY? WHAT'S GOIN' ON?
5 - ANGELA: (through phone) DIDN'T YOU SAY THERE WAS A GUY AT MULE CREEK GIVIN' YOU HELL NAMED DILLON?
6 - RAY: ... YEAH ....
7 - ANGELA: CHANNEL ELEVEN.
Panel 3 - RAY is up, switching on the manually activated TV (no remote, heh), still holding the phone
- Dialogue:
8 - RAY: I GOT IT, I ... WHAT THE HELL?
Panel 4 - The crappy TV is seen, with mediocre reception, showing a trim Asian reporter holding a mic in one hand and the other hand over her ear. Behind her is a skyscraper and a police cordon, with uniformed and plainclothes (suited) cops running to and fro. Her name, SUSAN HIRASUNA, is seen across the bottom of the screen with a caption reading "TERRORIST THREAT DOWNTOWN!"
- Dialogue:
9 - REPORTER: (caption, alongside tv screen) ... 'S RIGHT, JEFF, 'DAVID DILLON' HOLDS AN UNNAMED WOMAN HOSTAGE ON TOP OF THE FIRST INTERSTATE BUILDING.
10 - REPORTER: (caption, alongside tv screen) REPORTS INDICATE DILLON ESCAPED MULE CREEK YESTERDAY, AND IS VERY DANGEROUS ... HE DAMAGED A POLICE HELICOPTER WITH AN UNKNOWN WEAPON ...
Panel 5 - RAY sits back on the bed, clothed only in boxers, amazed at what he's seen.
- Dialogue:
11 - RAY: ANGELA ... DILLON'S CRAZY. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO ME MUSTA HAPPENED TO HIM, TOO.
12 - RAY: TWO DAYS AGO, SOMETHING CAME OUTTA HIS HANDS, HE THREW A BARBELL, LIKE, A HUNDRED FEET IN THE AIR ...
13 - ANGELA: THIS COULD BE BAD, PEOPLE START LOOKIN' FOR YOU.
14 - RAY: ... THROWIN' AROUND PEOPLE LIKE THEY WERE NOTHIN ...'
15 - ANGELA: SOON AS I GET OUTTA CLASS, I'MA COME MOVE YOU TO LONG BEACH OR SOMETHIN.' JUST BE COOL, ALL RIGHT?
16 - RAY: ... OKAY.
Panel 6 - RAY is watching the TV (probably a profile from his right), absently reaching back to replace the phone on its cradle, his expression aghast.
- Dialogue:
17 - REPORTER: (caption, alongside tv screen) ... POLICE AREN'T SURE HOW TO PROCEED, AS DILLON'S RAMPAGE HAS CAUSED SO MUCH DAMAGE, SWAT TEAMS ARE UNABLE TO ...
Panel 7 - Closeup on RAY, his clairvoyance activated.
- Dialogue:
18 - RAY: (thought balloon) I GOTTA GO DOWNTOWN? WITH ALL THOSE COPS? BUT ... MAN, I'M GONNA GET CAUGHT ...
PAGE TWENTY-ONE: Three panels
Panel 1 - RAY is stepping down off the #40 bus at 6th and Broadway (I'll photograph it), as traffic is being rerouted east, away from the crisis area, looking towards the sky.
- Dialogue:
1 - RAY: (softly) OH DAMN ...
Panel 2 - RAY's head is seen from behind, gazing up at the skyline (photos coming, I swear!) where several buildings are pockmarked and smoking around the First Interstate Building, and two police helicopters circle the area at a distance.
Panel 3 - RAY walking south on Broadway, looking for a way through the police lines. Behind him, you can see the First Interstate building and almost make out the figure of a man, standing on the edge of the rooftop.
PAGE TWENTY-TWO: One panel total
Panel 1 - Zooms in on top of First Interstate Building, where DILLON is standing, one foot perched on the ledge, fists clenched and chest thrust out, laughing madly at the sky. Behind him, HEATHER is looking a bit roughed up, one shoe missing, cringing in a corner behind him and crying. Should have equal sized and shaped small panels within, along the left side, showing face shots of RAY, ANGELA, and HEATHER.
