2004 was, overall, a very good year for me. It had romantic ups and downs, and I've had more car drama than I would wish on Karl Rove, but on a whole I am happier and more prosperous than I was at this time last year. Where once I had hopes of achieving my ambitions as a fiction writer, this year I have contracts and release dates. Where once I had more paranoia about loneliness, I now have certainty that I am loved. Where last year I was timid about being myself, now I stride confidently. Glee is an everyday companion, and one of my code words for 2005 will definitely be the title of the page here, "whimsical" (along with "science," which is a longer story). It's a golden age to be me, and I want to thank you for your part in this journey.

But as I always say, quoting one of my favorite comic books of this past year, "enough talk already -- let's go make with the 'biff' and the 'pow.'" Here's the "liner notes" for this year's mix CD. If you want one and I haven't caught you to put one in your hand, holler and I'll try to hook you up. Here we go!

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT SOUND MEANS ... (let's get ready to rumble ...)

01) Monday Night Football theme
Whenever I do a karaoke show, I start it off with one of three musical selections, to get the crowd's attention. While the music plays, I say something like, "You know what that sound means -- it's time for (company name) Karaoke here at (venue name)! I'm your host, Hannibal, and if you can only see one of me, your buzz isn't strong enough! Make sure you're seeing (bartender name/wait staff), and taking care of them as they take care of you! I'm gonna start us up for a song, and we're gonna get started. We've got song books and (sign up sheet/sheets, depending if it's a clipboard show or not), and we're gonna have some fun tonight! Here we go!" It's a bit corny, but it's my shtick, and I'm a fan of ritual so I do it pretty close to that as much as I can.

Anyway, as for the music, the first choice is John Tesh's theme that was used when the NBA was on NBC -- it's still on some of the video games from that era, and Conan O'Brien riffs on it a lot. The second choice is the Fox NFL theme music (which I use most often, probably), a big blaring horn thing that sports fans know really well. But this one, this one is near-ubiquitous, and with the fun around Desperate Housewives (one of my favorite TV shows this year), it seemed like a whimsical choice as well, just to get us all in the right frame of mind.

02) "Reach For The Sun" by the Polyphonic Spree
When I first encountered the Polyphonic Spree, a "cult-like" musical group based in Texas, everybody was shocked that I like them. Their relentlessly upbeat sound and peppy lyrics seemed counter to my sometimes dour point of view. However, again relying on my old co-worker Bronwyn Jones' definition ("whimsically bitter ... or bitter whimsy") I found them enchanting. Every time I hear this song, I think about standing in a big open field and spinning around, laughing and gazing up at the daylight. Which is weird, given that I'm nearly nocturnal, but whatever. This song is intended to show me inexorably moving forward with the intensity of a laser beam.

THE BLACK HAND SIDE ("urban music")

03) "Back In The Day (Puff)" by Erykah Badu
I've accepted that I'm becoming old -- I don't even flinch when I hear myself say, "kids these days," and I am recognizing differences between what I like and what is popular (more on that with the next song). Which is okay. To quote Ghost Dog, "sometimes the old ways are best." Anyway, this song is great for a variety of reasons. It's a great "driving song" (for when you're switching lanes in everyday driving around), it's well composed (the interplay of the multiple repeated sections makes me so happy -- I sit waiting to sing along with "soul flo-wer, take me flyyyy-ing wiiith you-ooo ..."), and the sentiment is one I have had and one I hear from a lot of people who reminisce about allegedly better times (I've come to the conclusions it's always sucked, but we remember it as better than what sucks now because we were used to it, and it may have been a little less garish, the sixties notwithstanding).

04) "What Is Hip?" by Tower of Power
Because music is such a central part of my life, I often can find it in any old place. I first saw this song on a rerun of the November 20, 1996 episode of The Drew Carey Show (click here for an explanation of it, a little past half way down, on the track notes), which was hi-freakin'-larious. The song stuck in my head -- the Tower of Power horns can't be beaten -- and I finally found out all the data on the track this year so I could, uh, acquire it (*Hannibal stares innocently at the sky*). Anyhoo, this year I found myself returning to things I knew and was certain of, in terms of personal style and behavior, and with scant exceptions it turned out that the old ways really were best. So this song, hopefully, sums all of that up.

Fun side note: the original song runs more than five minutes, but I feel like the big horn stab is the best place for the song to end. So I originally burned the pre-mastered disc in iTunes, which lets me do all kinds of crazy things to the songs, including make cuts (MNF got one, as did the CD's last song) and equalize on the fly. Pretty cool!

05) "Girl, I Wonder" by Shawn Kane
Ever meet somebody you're really attracted to, and you start dealing with them, but they never give you a clear "go" or "stop?" They hang around, they seem to not loathe you, but they stop just short of actually saying, "You know, I like you," or sticking their tongue in your ear or something. It's been something that happened a lot in my life -- skinny guys with glasses and big heads don't get girls rushing up to them, for the most part -- and this song so perfectly captured that emotion that I instantly loved it. Add to the fact the guy sings in my range (they haven't made a karaoke version of it, as the single didn't seem to do well, but I have access to software that can), and he's not one of those whiny Sisqo-styled singers but does "man singing" in a lower register, well, I was sold. Well-written music is very important to me, both in terms of composition and lyrical content, which is why this made the cut and, say, "Slow Down" by Bobby Valentino (which I also like a lot) didn't.

06) "Don't Ya?" by Tori Alamaze
I wanted to hate this song when I first listened to the lyrics (the beat had me, as I love big resonating bass drum sounds, even if used as sparingly as it is here). It reminded me of Erykah Badu's "Next Lifetime," a song basically teasing a guy and saying he ain't gona get any. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization, the Men's Union. We're firmly against that sort of thing. But then two realizations hit me, and I started to love this song. First, the singer tries to respect the relationship, but (I believe) has an undercurrent saying that "if you leave her, I'll be with you." Which I like -- always good to have a lifeboat to jump into, because you never know. Second, I flipped the script and started singing "she" as "he" and singing as if it were me. "I know I'm on your mind/ You know we'd have a good time/ I'm your friend, I'm fun and I'm fine/ I ain't lyin'/look at me -- sh**, you ain't blind!" Now "that's genuine haberdashery!"

07) "Don't Talk To Me Like That" by Will Downing
As strange as it was for me to believe, there was still fallout from my divorce this year, despite the fact that it went Chernobyl in April 2003. I mentioned the multiple instances of car drama I had, which included needing to get the title from said ex-wife (no, I have no idea why she held it, this isn't the space for all that). Anyway, this song -- aside from being a stone cold groove -- kind of sums up how she sounded (she had a very valid point, I was something of an ass in this situation) and how you wanna protest poor verbal treatment, especially in emotional situations, but sometimes don't know how. Plus, Will Downing does some serious "man-singing," and I'm deeply in favor of that.

08) "Thieves in the Temple" by Prince
The main reason this song is on here is because I've started singing it at karaoke shows. Only one version has ever been made (as near as I can tell), by a company called Sunfly in En-gah-land (Austin Powers has ruined me for life). I was gonna spend thirty bucks to buy the disc when the song just fell into my lap, which is all wonderful. So that's cool. The other reason is that the lyrics of this well-crafted song (from the tail end of Prince's really good period, before his religious wacko phase that preceded his current resurgence) symbolize the deep isolation I feel a lot of the time.

09) "Golden Lady" by Stevie Wonder
Because I've read that Stevie Wonder often went on singing long after the recordings fade out, I often wonder how many steps he took the chorus upwards. My mother, Charlene Williams, very heavily indoctrinated me into the Church of Stevie as a youth, and my experience as an adult has done nothing but back that up. So this is a song from the period when Stevie could practically levitate, with a kind of cloudy optimism that's close to my "Reach For The Sun" message. I want to go there, I just don't know if I will. Also funny for a couple of my friends, there's a strip club called the Golden Lady (they go and tell me about this stuff, I'm too cheap to spend cash on a woman I'm less-than-sure about my chances of sleeping with), making a fun double entendre.

10) "Stay For Awhile" by Angie Stone and Anthony Hamilton
Anthony Hamilton is the first repeat artist from last year, and for good reason. This song reminds me of some very particularly romantic moments after I'd been working pretty aggressively (I'm down to five jobs now, and will probably hold at that number for a while) and just wanted to come back to an affectionate set of arms (and, of course, all the other attending parts). I am really rather independant, and don't feel I ask very much from a relationship, and affection is really my baliwick, my forte, the raison d'etre for me getting over my occasional misogyny. This song is all about those good times.

... AND NOW, FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT (I have widely varied taste in music, suck it up)

11) "Sunday Morning" by Maroon 5
The second repeat artist from last year. I'm sure there's been more than one, but this song reminds me very specifically of a certain moment, lying in bed on a Sunday morning with somebody I really care about (and if I was awake in the "AM" part of the day, that shows I care more than anything else), with no worries in the whole world, just warm and happy and mostly unclothed and a little sticky. That, in the parlance of my people, is what I'm talkin' about.

12) "The First Cut Is The Deepest" by Sheryl Crow
The songs in this section hit more closely to the emotional undercurrents of my year. With prospects, therapists and just people, I've had this conversation. My ability to trust is incredibly limited. My ability to believe and/or have faith is virtually non-existent (despite "Reach For The Sun" and "Golden Lady"). I'm out here, I'm trying ... but I'm surely a tarnished angel, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to shine the same way again. Which, ultimately, may be all right. Some people disagree, your mileage may vary.

13) "Panic" by Cockeysville
This is a song by a band headed by my good friend Mikey de Lara, one of the people who helped forge me into the lean, mean karaoke hosting machine I am today. Mikey is a really dangerously talented musician, and his lyrical depth belies his twenty-eight years of life. "I'll never get to hold my children's hands/or look into their eyes." I'm starting to wonder if I will sire a scion. I don't know, given my aforementioned trust issues. We'll see.

14) "You Know I Couldn't Last" by Morrissey
I can't think of another single artist that has so shaped my year than this man, the icon of bitter whimsy. This song talks about his own musical career, but I take it to look at all things -- all relationships are temporary. I ended a friendship this year that really hurt, and this song helped a lot with that. It was my faith in the longevity of things that allowed me to be hurt, and I learned a valuable lesson about being that kind of sucker. Plus, when I drive and this song comes on my iPod, I very often wail it at the top of my lungs, which is cool (and quite cathartic), given the wonderful dynamics of the arrangement. Oh, and this narrowly beat out "How Could You Possibly Know How I Feel?" (which is a more accurate barometer of my emotional state a lot of the time) because I was trying to have as little profanity as possible on this CD.

15) "Don't Look Back In Anger" by Oasis
Speaking of Mikey de Lara, he once said this to me. "Coldplay is a watered-down Radiohead, just like Oasis is a watered down Beatles." Mikey sings a lot of Radiohead and Beatles songs. I sing a lot of Coldplay and Oasis songs (but, to be fair I do sing two Beatles songs -- "Let It Be" and "Yesterday" -- as well as two Radiohead ones -- "Creep" and just started on "Karma Police," and can only really sing two Oasis songs). I have no idea if that means something or not. Anyhoo, I first heard this song (which borrows heavily from the chords of John Lennon's "Imagine") being sung by a not-diminutive Black woman called Dom, and her voice singing it really sticks with me. It's a bit too high for me to do on a regular basis (I sing "Wonderwall" and "Champagne Supernova") but it remains one of my favorite songs by the group. I am working hard on being able to not look back in anger (looking forward is okay), as there's just no profit in it. As well, the kooky lyrics really make me happy.

Parenthetical: I also noticed that there are four songs on this mix CD that start their title with the word "Don't" -- so much for me being positive. >8^)

16) "Don't Stop Dancing" by Creed
A lot of people don't like the band Creed, because of the vocal stylings of its lead singer (I forgot his name, and I don't care). I heard "Higher" and felt like it was close to the range of my voice, and started singing their stuff, researching songs piecemeal as I go. This one became one of my "bad mood" songs, a song I'd sing or play to work me through down periods. "At times life is wicked and I just can't see the light ..." so true, so true. I actually prefer the acoustic version, but I can't find it (except me singing it, and we'll have enough of that soon enough).

17) "A Rush Of Blood To The Head" by Coldplay
Thanks again to the zany people at Sunfly, I can now sing this song as well. I always dedicate this to a karaoke bar called Boardwalk 11, which I now hate passionately for a variety of reasons despite it being the workplace of the oft-mentioned Mikey de Lara. "I'm gonna buy this place and see it burn ..." Heh. It's a song that speaks to the vengeful desires in many of us, especially who seek to avenge wrongs done to someone we care about.

THE NEXT VOICE YOU HEAR ... (you can actually listen to my voice, so look grateful)

18) "The Scientist" by Coldplay, as sung by Hannibal Tabu
You know I had to get on this CD somewhere, with all the recording I've done this year. My own original songs aren't quite ready for prime-time just yet, so I picked one of the "okay" recordings of myself doing what's become my signature song. It's a break up song, a song of regret and loss, and actually pretty boring in terms of composition. But I love pianos, and the lyrics really do a lot for me, and I've spiced this song up to a point where its writer Chris Martin might not recognize it (I've even made more changes since this version was coined). This was done as I "auditioned" for a new job with Rob Carter's Karaoke Rocks, down at a bar called the 705 in Hermosa Beach. I very often point to myself and say, "Science" when I figure out something that vexed somebody else, due to my methodical approach to things. I also like the clipped ending of Rob announcing, which goes with my "there are no happy endings" philosophy. So that's that.

I was quite chatty this year, huh? Somehow I couldn't fit Dana Walker's "Lost Girl" (I actually couldn't find it, for some reason), and I didn't get any hip hop in, despite really trying to find space for K-os. Ricky Fante and Bowling for Soup also have my apologies.

Missing something? Can't figure something out? Ask, and thou shalt receive.