Black Panther #9:
At Comics Ink, there are a lot of regulars. This is a testament to Steve's brilliant ownership and ability to cater to customers. In my mind (and very rarely outside of it) this has led me to mentally nickname many of the regulars -- like The Moralist (whose deep voice carefully questions and considers even the most ridiculous of comic book arguments put forth), The Agent (who looks like a latter day Matrix denizen, and who was the basis of my last April Fool's column at CBR), The Twins (one of whom is named Wendell, and I can't tell them apart at all), The Litigator and some others. A few -- Charlie and Rodney leap to mind -- have had their names said so often that it stuck. But for the most part, lots of them are just these iconic monikers in my brain (and sometimes characters in things I write -- the Moralist will be in a comic book one day, I'm certain, adjusting his glasses thoughtfully as he decides who will live and who will die).

Anyway, one of these weekly characters in the story of my life is The Thin Man, father of a precocious son who often reminds me of my youngest brother. The Thin Man has lost a lot of weight in the last few months, a rigorous workout program (he walks like a mad bastard) showing results. So he's the Thin Man, and he's the real reason why I bought this issue. The story -- which features (I am not making this up) the Red Ghost and some latter day "outsourced" Super Apes in a shattered Niganda -- is at best embarrassing and at worst depressing. It makes fools out of the X-Men (in particular making Havok look very stupid) and has some really great barbed quips from T'Challa (while clearly showing that Ororo is the focus of the issue). But the comedy is jammed into some less-than-coherent plotting, with solid but unremarkable artwork by David Yardin and Jay Leisten.

But buy it I did based on the Thin Man's argument. "I know that bell can't be unrung," he said, speaking of my constant protests about how much faster Priest's T'Challa would be handling these crises, "but I buy this book because it's better than most depictions of this really hard to manage character, and I wanna see books like this on the stand." I couldn't argue with a political slant to it, and I surely did enjoy this more than a lot of the dreck you'll hear about in a bit. So it got a pass, and I will admit steady improvement since the opening story arc (which wasted JRJr's talent for really making things epic).

Noble Causes #14:
Here's a book I bought with no hesitation, and for good reason. Zephyr Noble goes through a lot of complicated situations in seeking a life away from her family, adopting a "secret identity" (quite cleverly arranged by Detective Ryan O'Mega) and getting to know neighbors in a small apartment building. But this is work inspired by soap operas, so you know the twists are there, and they're doozies. To say more would be to unleash spoilers, but I loved the twists, Fran Bueno's art is improving with each panel, (loved the detail, from the newsstand to the apartment). Action, romance, nakedness and banter -- a great combination. Loved it.

Thunderbolts #14:
Jump from the Read Pile, for few reasons. First it was great to see the team working so well together (even for such a dubious reason). Second, Cap, Sentry and Iron Man got handled, and you don't get to see that every day. Add a fun last page reveal along side some tough talk from Songbird and this issue had enough pleasant surprises to warrant my hard-stolen ducats.

Legion of Super Heroes #11:
With very little dialogue and even less motion, I got to watch Brainy break down, and that was really something to behold. Meanwhile, the Legion divided strikes at threats old and new (I now officially love the planet Dormir, which is so freaking brilliant I could curse myself for not coming up with it first ... but you'd think they'd be well briefed on the fifth dimension by this time) while Lemnos marches on the UP and a really neat backup drawn by Dale Eaglesham and Art Thibert makes old comics covers work out as story elements. The Waid Kitson Reboot Period (WKRP) remains in full swing, and shows no signs of leaping over predatory boneless aquatic creatures. Right.

Defenders #4:
Umar can't get no (bah bum bah bah bah) satisfaction (bah bum bah bah bah). Seems that when you get sexed down by a demon princess, nothing can make you mad enough to Hulk up. Strange and Namor's experiences on a Dormammu ruled world -- including meeting visions of themselves and most of Marvel's heroes (evil Cap called Namor "panty boy," which is great). As always, Maguire's delightfully emotive art (inking himself and made crisp and inviting by Chris Sotomayor on colors, from the detail on Banner's stubble to the intricacy of the fight scene, like evil Speedball) makes it happen in a major way, with grimaces and expressions of shock crystal clear. Wonderful in every possible way.

Buy Pile Breakdown: Even in the least interesting book, I got lines like "as long as you don't lock him in one of those prisons that your super-villains seem to keep breaking out of every other week." Good stuff.

Then there's the stuff on the "read pile" that I don't bring home ...

Spawn #150:
While looking over what I was gonna see in stores (I check the Diamond shipping list sometimes, but more often the website of a local retailer, write down the results in my PDA and shlep to Comics Ink), I saw this issue and said, "holy crap, they're still making Spawn comics." So, in light of such a milestone issue, I had to go look. Despite having Holguin, Hine and McFarlane on the script, there's not two consecutive interesting panels -- artistically nor content wise -- in the entire issue. Seriously. I could not have been more bored. But it wasn't even in the top five worst books of the week, so that's some small comfort, and damning by faint praise.

Avengers #12:
There's a lot of good individual character moments (I loved Madame Hyrda cursing out Spider-Woman), the actual story is so think it makes Kate Moss look like Nell Carter. Plus, apparently, the Avengers are stupid, not even knowing they are being misled, let alone by whom. Sad, kinda.

JLA #121:
Speaking of sad, there's trouble amongst the gods as DC's heroes turn on one another. Even to the point of trying to turn the Bat's first son against him. Which, as I read it, made me go, "that's either desperate or deeply vengeful." Lots of talk and hurt feelings, and no, that's not what I want from my Justice League, say thankee (I've bene reading Stephen King's Dark Tower series, and its leaking into other areas).

Captain America #11
At the apex of Mount Sad is this story, which in some faces just spits in the face of everything that makes Captain America (and no, I don't like the character, but I appreciate his role) and in others flies in the face of logic. The Middle East bit -- where there's tons of US assets and even more eyes willing to talk to US interests -- would not have turned up any data on this Garrison Kane-a-like who happened to reek of Dubya Dubya Two? Which also begs the question, how'd the file get into Steve's house? How accurate is it? Between the Winter Soldier and the Red Hood, I'm convinced Charon has turned into a floating Greyhound line, running trips both ways all day long. Bah.

Adventures of Superman #645:
Somehow this issue feels late -- events directly precede Infinity Crisis #1 and now give a kind of creepy prequel energy. By implying that Lois getting shot is tied into the whole shebang, along with the Luthor reveal and Ruin showing up with a mad on, it gives you some other shades of gray for the whole event, but none of them leave a good taste in my mouth. Just ... no.

Daredevil #78:
Everybody and their mom is closing in on the McGuffin, the Kingpin's delicious closing gambit for Matt Murdock (seeing him with Elektra and Natasha is fun), but the whole issue is foreplay. I dunno about you, but I like to get somewhere, even if it's just a last page reveal. No such luck.

JSA Classified #4:
Speaking of not getting anywhere, Psycho Pirate's ultimate motivations for his origin-go-round with Kara kind of kick Marv Wolfman in the back (which is easier to do, now I hear he's involved, and the check he's likely to get might quiet any complaints he would have) and spin wheels like nobody's business. Luthor shows up again (he's like Wolverine this week, but the fact that [SPOILER HOO HAH NOT GONNA SAY IT] makes that easier). The biggest problem I have, with this issue and the arc as a whole, is the simple fact that nothing is resolved in the story, other than the kind of effective (but sad) moments in the first issue, nothing is made clear about anybody. That's Freshman Comp, guys. Come on. Onwards ...

Cannon Hawke #2:
I loved the art, and when things stayed close to the ground with the chasing of a McGuffin and plotting in hotel rooms, it was kind of cool. But Cannon's schizophrenic episode confused me because apparently the other personality has some history I don't know (and couldn't find on the Aspen website), as did the Big Bads on the last page. I kind of know what happened, and I'm really trying to open myself up to new properties, but this one is a slippery devil that defies my attempts to comprehend it.

Drax #2:
Fun elements are buried in mean behavior as lots of fighting reveals Drax's problem (you can beat sense into him, but it won't help) and an entire town is put to work. Not bad, but I've seen better mean Giffen writing in the Five Years Later Legion and in Dominion.

Flash #227:
Wally is, apparently, not very smart. He takes a very optimistic story at face value, which just seems like poor pattern recognition that Barry (or at least his time as a Titan) would have trained out of him. Everybody's laughing at him by the end of things, and that includes the reader. Which, probably, is not what's intended. Shmuck.

Hulk: Destruction #4:
Speaking of shmucks, a killer ghost has lured the good doctor here to go toe to toe with the newly saffron colored Emil Blonsky for reasons of petty revenge. Okay. But it's not interesting, and ends in such a contrary fashion that I can't imagine who thought this was entertaining at the House of Bad Ideas.

Jack Cross #3:
The government is bad, and working in many cases against the people it is supposed to represent. A CNN cover story or this comic book? Maybe both. We get the point (and it's not even one I disagree with necessarily), but it's thrown on with a shovel while running Jack Cross through his badass Pete Wisdom routine and tying in current events in a way that's supposed to be scary for acccuracy but ends up paling in comparison to the truth. Warren? You're better than this, kid, bird flu or not.

Ultimate Secret #4:
A little better from our dear friend Mr. Ellis, as we see the real Kree, borrow segments of the last quarter of Independence Day for a big fight and blow up a jackass. Good things happen, but they may be futile as the story ends satisfactorily enough while setting up the next mini. Wholly okay, and a hair above acceptable (which is high praise this week).

JLA Classified #13:
A Warren Ellis three pack of reviews, hoo hah! Great teamwork, but (and I know I can't blame editorial for this, since I have been told by the editors themselves how overworked they are) but haven't the JLA dealt with ancient superweapons already? Once in Morrison's run and, oh, right, just this freaking year with the Kwardians. Warren gets the long box, if he can't be bothered to look through it, he might look goofy. With the emotional resonance of that "Pain of the Gods" arc (that's not a compliment) and a storyline that's reminiscent of two or three others (again, one we've seen this year, it's just not good enough.

Sentry #2:
The Sentry has everything under control except the war at home, which is something I could relate to personally, but was played in such a schizophrenic fashion that it was hard to derive entertainment from it. Maybe when I have more story, this will work better, but for now it's just a gut punch that the Sentry can't recover from. I liked the interplay (or lack thereof) in the man's troubled marriage, but the story was a touch thin.

Teen Titans #28:
Liefeld art. That's enough to send most people running for the hills. But in an overly posed and surprisingly chatty issue, featuring a largely meaningless fight to save Raven's soul (again) from a threat that's maybe as big as Killer Shrike ... eh. Moving on.

Wolverine #35:
Mystique pulls a neat trick here, which Shaw sees through, and I was surprised that this issue actually almost won me over. But then I remembered the reset button (which Quesada can deny like crazy, but I know what I read) and put it back.

Wonder Woman #222:
Themiscira under siege as the US Navy encircles the island and AA batteries are set up on the shores, which isn't even close to enough to repel the real threat on the way. Meanwhile, Diana's embroiled in drama at the Hague and (for no good reason) has the Cheetah on her trail. This issue is reaching for the smart heights the title easily found when Rucka started, but it's too bogged in the craziness of today's DC to get high enough.

Read Pile Roundup: if I can get through the year without DC killing me, I'll be stunned. Cannon Hawke could be a contender with some focus, Drax could do it if it commits to one direction or another, and a few others are close. But overall, it's a sad story.

So, How Was It This Week? The Read Pile's crappiness was too much to overcome in the end analysis.

The Buy Pile is a weekly collection of comic reviews done by Hannibal Tabu (www.operative.net), originally published at UGO.com.