Marvel Team-Up #12:
It took me a page or two to realize that the words I was reading -- of Titannus relating his "origin" to a large group of Marvel heroes -- was purposefully different from what was being shown in the art (that must have been a wacky script), but this issue kind of flew by, as the central conceit ("everything you're hearing is a lie") gets pretty tired pretty quickly. As issues of this series go, this one was considerably more expository than entertaining.

Noble Causes #13:
Now this is entertaining. It seems there's another family in town, a villainous brood called the Blackthornes, and they've been working in the shadows to put the hammer down on the fractious Nobles for a while. Fran bueno steps up his art a notch, and the Ron Riley/Ryan Vera difference in coloring for the smartly done flashbacks works perfectly. There's a super hot last page reveal, which I giggled deliciously at, and Faerber does an amazing job of characterizing each one of the Blackthorne clan in brief strokes (the son who wants to be a hero, the good/bad twin mix, the addicted mother, the ambitious daughter-in-law, and so on). Easily the most enjoyable read of the week.

The Intimates #11:
The scuttlebutt on the web is that this is the penultimate issue of the wildly subversive and crafty series, and that saddens me. I liked the continuing characterization of reluctant hero Duke, who really doesn't know what to do with himself. The last page inclusion of possibly my all-time favorite Wildstorm character (in my all-time favorite incarnation) was an added bonus in a really well-put together issue (check the new character intros for teachers). Given Casey's penchant for wackiness, I'm fascinated to see how we're gonna end all this next issue.

Rex Mundi #14:
Back in the game with a new artist, I found Jim Di Bartolo a less detailed but solid choice to continue the work along. The story takes on a surprising bit of whimsy as the good Doctor Sauniere ends up on a roadster trip, and a decent (if unremarkable) action scene as political events in the background take an interesting turn on the work of the Duke of Lorraine. As involved and intricate as many of the long-run Vertigo titles, I will watch with interest as Di Bartolo gets more comfortable with the work (some panels, like the girl in the car, almost levitate, while some others, like the shots of the police meeting, seem lackluster in composition), but I'm still on board.

Y: The Last Man #37:
Speaking of long-form Vertigo books, the title character makes landfall in Australia, searching for his long lost love, as a tabloid journalist hunts him. It was an okay issue, but I'm kind of tired of Agent 355, who's supposed to be so badass, continually getting her butt kicked. My interest in this title has waned somewhat, as its creative snappiness has sagged.

Buy Pile Breakdown: I've had better weeks. Eh.

Then there's the stuff on the "read pile" that I don't bring home ...

House of M #6:
Everybody's coming to play (why they didn't include T'Challa, given the man's public enmity with the House of M, confounds me) as events of House of M: Fantastic Four are either completely contradicted or, better yet, completely ignored (there's a No-Prize worthy way it could work, which I'll go into as I get to that title, but it sure ain't in the work). The fairly predictable scene at Xavier's grave backed up many theories I've heard about Wanda's little remix of Franklin Richards' Heroes Reborn shtick (you thought I forgot?) isn't quite as impressive, with the truth underneath the curse of common perception, while nobody has any idea exactly where to look for their M'Kraan Crystal/reset button. Oh, and before I forget to mention it, this was boring. Argh.

Seven Soldiers: Guardian #4:
A story mostly told in flashback, the Guardian's boss reveals his tale of woe, looking like a member of Operation: Kids Next Door (I dated a woman who had kids, sue me) and basically gives up on all the ideas presented in this mini to dovetail into the larger meta-work. Which, of course, I have no interest in -- if I'm not going for the Sheeda in Shining Knight, I'm sure not gonna go for it here. The Newsboy Army borrows a page from Stephen King's It as a prescribed number of children facing up against a mystical threat from beyond (do I read too much? I don't know anymore) in a generational means that worked even less successfully than the Master of Horror's method (and is, also, less entertaining). Oh well.

Fell #1:
This came very close to making the jump, with a cute detective bit and some fun dialogue. It ultimately didn't make it because most of the dialogue was done better in Two-Step, Angel Stomp Future, JLA Classified and of course Transmetropolitan. Another case of the original inspirations being too far superior to the subsequent work, but I am watching this with interest to see if the old dog can really do any new tricks.

Punisher #25:
I'm done with Garth Ennis. With an "N-word" usage that so barely even could be considered in context, under the guise of Bendis-esque small talk to kill time between actual scenes, I just don't need this crap in my life. So yeah, I'm hitting Ennis with a chair. Let's move on.

Villains United #5:
I realized that I was applying an unfair standard to this title -- I kept expecting what I was promised (Black Adam and Luthor chewing scenery like mad bastards) and not what was on the page (Deadshot, who I like, and Catman, who I laugh at). So I sat and tried to read the issue at hand, given that I know I like Simone's writing. But I just got bored -- the internecine drama between the Secret Six only got interesting with Deadshot's admission and Cheshire's revelation. I liked Deathstroke's answer to the problems at hand (who was the chick with the violin?) but got that "too little of what I want" twinge seeing him, sword thrust forward, on the splash page. Even on its own merits, it's dull. Bah.

Supreme Power: Nighthawk #1:
It had all the ingredients for something I would like. Billionaire ill-tempered Batman type with Black power motivations. Written by Daniel Way, who I find pretty good, and drawn by Steve Dillon, who I consider an unrestricted genius. But with the very obvious Commissioner Gordon stand-in, less-than-zippy dialogue and characterization thinner than Flatman, I just didn't have any feeling for it. Which was a shame, because Dillon was really drawing his ass off here. Just too derivative at its core.

Shazam/Superman #1:
Another title that came very close to making the jump, because I love the Captain Marvel property (which is odd, given his wholesomeness) and because I consistently want to believe. However, I did not -- the issue hit all the right marks, but didn't do so with any panache or pep. The art was fine, but not great. The story was mildly interesting, but a smidge thin. All close, but no cigar, if i can finish off that string of conditional cliches.

House of M: Fantastic Four #3:
I literally threw this issue away from me in disgust at one line from Doom, when he and his son have a Scott/Dr. Evil styled conversation about what to do. The ultimate fulcrum on which events turned was exactly as I predicted in issue one, and the whole issue's fate relies on Doom being sloppy and not making sure things went right, but trusting them to subordinates. Now here's how the no-prize can be won (SPOILER WARNING) ...

Ready? Okay.

Magneto foolishly decided to let Doom live (and "when" this happens would make the events of House of M: Black Panther #7 with the council of kings a bit of a question), then bringing Doom to the big party in this week's House of M issue could be seen as hubristically shoving Doom's nose in the Latverian's own fallibility. Which, of course, could be considered a big gamble with the armada of homicidal metahumans heads for the soiree, but that's a hindsight thing. So, Doom's assassination attempt would leave him without his real family at the event, and his retinue were just random shmucks. There, you're welcome.

Gotham Central #35:
I really think Rucka's just spread too thin -- the quality here and on Queen & Country has slipped while he pens crossover book after crossover book. With the pacing of a poor man's Top Ten, another Robin turns up dead (while the real thing is just fine) and the GCPD spin their wheels. I remember when this comic used to have me turning each page with bated breath. Bah.

Ghost Rider #1:
The first few pages are super heavily rendered, in a way that's both pretty and painful to the eyes, but the issue settles into a talky discussion between angels (one may be fallen, I'm not sure, it was like being drowned in exposition) about trying to use the title character to do some dirty work on a Big Bad we never even see. No, I don't care, and neither should you, unless you're a huge fan of both the property and Pretty Cheerleader Comics.

Outsiders #28:
Whine whine whine. Indigo's death is taking up almost as much panel space and guilt creation as Donna Troy's, as a powerful name is asked to join (which would be a nice addition), the old HQ goes the way of the Kerry presidential campaign, and I suppose they're looking for a new status quo, somewhere. But using bad Buffy rhythms in the story just doesn't work with this crowd.

House of M: Iron Man #3:
A manga-riffic triple cross plan showing one Stark is surely a master chessman -- from a certain point of view -- and another learns how to be a hero. Hank Pym's anti-mutant gene bombs give you a bit of video game-esque action (even Johnny Storm and Tony play it that way) as Magnus shows more restraint than probably makes sense. I swear, it's like everybody in this crossover is just plain stupid.

Authority: Magnificent Kevin #1:
The only thing worth noting here is that half the team is laid low by being hit in the face by killer pies. That almost got me. But every scene with Kevin in it is like a leaden balloon (or most of Heather Graham's film career ... which is kind of saying the same thing) and I again can't be made to care.

Soulfire #5:
Given how bad the week was going, I shouldn't have even picked this up. However, by eschewing the incessant "first person voiceover for pages at a time" technique, there was almost some interesting stuff alongside the eye candy. But the work's a touch insular, and I'm having a rough week in comics reading and real life, so it was hard to get anything worth having here.

It's funny -- after the WWRosemont panel where the property was described, I was so interested in the whole Soulfire motif. But the work has yet to really grab me, outside of that bit with Loeb (and yes, that's weird to write).

Superman #221:
If you're going to write an issue with Bizarro, and stop using basic Bizarro syntax in mid issue for no discernable reason, I'm going to hit you over the head with a chair. Not to mention that this issue seemed to be a huge waste of time for literally everyone involved, as it made Jimmy Olsen a lecherous backstabber, it made Supes a dupe, it made Lois a whiny shrew and made both OMACs and the Society look laughable. Let's move on.

Cable/Deadpool #19:
Boozy reminiscences about their histories, the best narrative trick was the Boomtown-esque slant on Deadpool's history. But it's really nothing you haven't seen before.

Aquaman #34:
Tempest vs. Aquaman and ... god, who cares?

Read Pile Roundup: I feel like somebody took a dump on my chest.

So, How Was It This Week? Atrocious, this week was an abbatoir of awfulness, with the confectionary Noble Causes as the smartest, most effective thing that happened all week. If people hadn't started buying my novel in decent numbers, I'd just wanna stay in bed.

The Buy Pile is a weekly collection of comic reviews done by Hannibal Tabu (www.operative.net), originally published at UGO.com.