Black Panther #6:
I think I'm embarrassed that the "good guys" won here. I think "pyhrric" would be an optimistic view of the Wakandans' handling of a multinational attack, as T'Challa ... I'm sorry, I had gotten so used to the Christopher Priest version, who -- even as I called him an indecisive, naive idealist -- would have stomped the invasion in about three panels and kicked this Panther's ass in another five. When push came to shove, that guy knew how to field a freaking combat force. This guy ... eh. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed this issue a lot and as always Romita's art is top notch. But -- in order -- Wakanda's defense network has been shown to be capable of overload with an attack by no more than six metahumans (what to do when Hydra or SHIELD sends an army of them at you, like they're throwing around in Wolverine?), Klaw wandered around in the Wakandan mainframe for what amounted to a week in digital time before something came out to growl at him, this newly Russian Radioactive Man speaks with an accent that would make Boris and Natasha blanche (and don't nuclear men explode when you puncture 'em?), and a batallion of US Deathlok-esque cyborgs strolled right into the capital and said, "Hello There!" I will admit I loved the lettercol soundtrack contest (despite the fact that there's not a single X-Clan song in any of the entries, which seems almost preposterous), and I like what we're trying to do here ... but it just doesn't go far enough. It's good enough to stay on the Buy Pile, but only by a single ... uh, well, claw.

Legion of Super Heroes #8:
I gotta say it again -- I love Waid and Kitson's take on the 31st century. From the ugly side (kids being duped into slavery while trying to join the Legion) to the bright side of teenagers trying to save the entire galaxy. Cosmic Kid struggles to hold on to what he perceives as power, and existing schisms in the Legion are brought to full fledged fisticuffs (and name calling, too). With the little details (lingusitic drifts, idiosyncratic uses of power, and so on) Waid paints the future with brushes large and small. His Cosmic Boy simply has shouldered more than he should have to, and the strain virtually cracks the Legion in two. Great melodrama, great pacing, great art -- just a great issue all around.

Beowulf #3:
Normally when a comic takes on "old business" -- some baggage a character had from a past incarnation -- I'm reluctant to take it on, because, you know, who cares? But when that old business is the dragon from myth that "killed" the title character at the "end" of his most famous adventures, and it's the size of a small sporting stadium ... well, that's worth seeing. This issue kicks things up a notch, with our allegedly secretive lead character hunted down via fairly expensive software and a good search engine, and grinds on with the grim determination of a guy who's been doing the job so long he just doesn't have anything else. Easily my favorite issue thus far, and a great place to jump on board.

Runaways #8:
Two old-school Marvel characters, on both sides of the fight for justice, make an appearance (the "good" one made me actually laugh with surprise, happy to see him), there's a double bind here that's so sneaky I had to read it three times, enjoying it more with each pass, and -- as expected -- the kids are alright. The concept of using your kids as a weapon against the future takes a considerably more serious tack here, and they even take a shot at non-Macintosh computers, which tickled me. Another great issue, and I'm very glad to have this title in my Buy Pile.

Hero Squared #1:
A very complex and smartly told story, the Giffen/DeMatteis team bounce two alternate universe versions of Milo Stone -- the hero and the slacker -- off of each othe with a mountain of dialogue fired off in such a rapid fire pattern that David Mamet or Aaron Sorkin would clap and dance like giddy schoolgirls. The most interesting point in my mind is the girlfriend character Stephie, who's "so relaxed" as her alternate universe doppleganger plots the destruction of all life on Earth. Cool! I believe Stephie's line, "You know how I am, handsome. I don't freak out, I ... process" is the most important and most dangerous line of dialogue in the entire issue (and her silent last page is just heavy with implication), and Captain Valor's refusal to talk about what went wrong with his Stephie is likely the kind of proud omission that leads to bodies stacked up. Just smart, fun and complex stuff with bright, interesting artwork by Joe Abraham with Matt Nelson on colors.

Astro City: The Dark Age #2:
The use of flashbacks here is just stellar, as the Silver Agent is made to be a considerably more intimidating figure than people would expect and his affect on the lives of the brothers Royal and Charles makes a lot more sense (not that it didn't add up before) and things just got really ugly between the fall of heroes and a Nixon-dominated Dis-United States of Amerikkka. Literate, well-depicted work with resonance.

The Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe: Avengers 2005:
You know I love these freakin' handbooks. The six page opening text history of the Avengers alone makes it worthwhile. When you add in the fact that they even included the most recent Dan Slott version of the Great Lakes Avengers, Christopher Priest's The Crew, and you can get the full 411 on Jocasta, Kang, Ultron, Count Nefaria and Living Lightning (is he Marvel's answer to "Swishray" ... er, Lightray?) ... this is just damned good foundation-building information, and (in some cases) more interesting than reading the actual issues in question.

Godland #1:
Jump from the Read Pile. I opened the first page and went, "wow!" This title is Kirby-riffic, in all the zany and creative ways we used to love. Reading along, you'd almost believe that Tom Scioli rolled up original art pages by Kirby and smoked 'em. The craggy jawlines, the panoramic spreads on the red planet, a giant cosmic dog, and the wacky Basil Cronus showing up on the last page in such kooky super-villain glory that it just made the whole issue virtually sing with mad energy ... just very happy all around. It makes about as much sense as your average song from the eighties, and it's twice as fun.

Pulse House of M #1:
Jump from the Read Pile. Why? Well, it was fifty cents, and that's hard to pass up. Second, it's (in the words of the retail troll who works Wednesday nights) "more informative than the LA Times." Third, it's a fascinating artifact, a piece of the comics world made real, and that's as valuable to me as that Mjolnir hammer I couldn't afford, or any of my lightsabers. Finally, it's actually kind of well written, depicting the perspective of the media in this fictional world and smartly changing the jump lines to reference comics the company wants you to buy (smart marketing). Just a wonderful piece of comics arcana.

Wonder Woman #219:
When you grow up in a martial, warrior culture, certain cultural mores become logical to you. So when former punchline Max Lord is mind controlling Superman into basically beating you into a pulp, and you can't really beat Superman (without going too far) ... well, the decision was kind of obvious to me from page one. Diana takes a beating that rivals her problems at the hands of that giant in Olympus or that business with Medousa. The unintended consequences, well, we'll look at that when we hit the top of the Read Pile, but this issue telegraphed its punch all the way back to Kingdom Come. Not the smartest issue of this normally very literate title, but not horrible.

Buy Pile Breakdown: Even the low point showed T'Challa beating people's faces in and this supposedly smart Maxwell Lord having a bad day (where were his precious OMACs at that point?), so I am not mad at all. A great, if pricy, week of comics.

Then there's the stuff on the "read pile" that I don't bring home ...

The OMAC Project #4:
Okay, here's where it starts to go off the rails. The events of the most recent issue of Wonder Woman (seen above) come raining down on the DCU as Brother Mark I rechristens himself as Brother Eye (discarding all of the Kirby wackiness that once implied -- thank god for Joe Casey) and decided, "Hey, I'm gonna use the same 'gone nuts' shtick that worked so well for HAL 2000 and Computo!" Then we get to find out that, despite her buffoonery, Bea was actually the Latin version of Black Widow all these years (suuuuure) and that the OMACs have decided to take a play from the Omega Sentinel handbook in their activity. When you blatantly rip off three other stories in the space of the first ten pages, that's a bad sign. When you do it in as hamfisted a fashion as this ... well, that's just a pain in my personalized ass. Rucka's better than this ...

Daredevil vs. Punisher #2:
Seriously -- Daredevil couldn't beat Punisher a few years ago with the help of Wolverine and Spider-Man (no, I didn't forget that Ennis-penned story), but now he thinks he can do it all by himself? Frank and Matt work at cross purposes with one another, and there's bodies -- innocent and mobster -- literally littering Hell's Kitchen. I just wasn't able to buy both Punisher and Daredevil being this emotional and not seeing better ways to work, let alone with that flattopped moron Hammerhead hanging out with ... who is that, the Lizard's cousin?

Flash #224:
Doublng your Reverse Flash is surely not the way to double your fun, as Hunter Zolomon and the original Professor Zoom take Wally on a fun trip through his own personal hell (Linda losing the twins) in a way that was fresh and new back when Per Degaton did it about a year ago in JSA. Which was also, coincidentally, written by Geoff Johns. The last page shouldn't have shocked me with Red Hood and the Winter Soldier running around, but if they want to punch Marv Wolfman in the face, there's less shlocky ways to do it, I'm sure. Find out where he shops, for the love of pie. For those keeping score, that's three stupid books in a row.

Fantastic Four #529:
Well, it's not stupid per se, but it's an interesting choice. What if the cosmic rays which gave Reed and the gang their powers were not a stellar accident but an attempt to make contact? What if the upcoming recurrence of those rays -- same spot, same readings and all -- was the phone ringing again? Reed wrestles with those issues while Sue tries to hire an earthbound nanny and fend off the Department of Child Protective Services with one force field tied behind her back. Interesting, in a way.

JLA Classified #10:
Just Imagine ... Warren Ellis running the JLA! When I saw Perry White sounding exactly like Mitchell Royce, and see Clark and Lois talking Kryptonian family secrets in the middle of the press room, while Batman channels Ambrose Pierce and every badass Ellis has written in the last three years ... well, it's not exactly news, is it? The only interesting part was the climax on Themiscira (would you believe I've been spelling that "Themiscria" for years?) because Diana didn't get Warren-ized in such a predictable fashion. Again, interesting, in a way. I love Warren's evil banter, but I didn't wanna see it coming from Perry freaking White.

Hercules #5:
A weepy conclusion to a lackluster mini, with the high point being Hades, making great quips and acting as a mob boss, because he's more comfortable with his "Roman" contituents (he doesn't like gyros?). There was a cute line where a guy asked if Herc had "OJ'ed" his family, but otherwise this was tepid. Not stupid, but not interesting.

Batman: Ra's Al Ghul Year One #2:
Ah, back to stupid. There's a hidden message in the last letter from Ra's Al Ghul, and Ubu actually thinks he can outthink the Bat. Go on, take a minute, I'll wait while you finish laughing.

*Hannibal twiddles his thumbs*

Done? Okay, good.

The Batcave has a fancy new feature, and that's about the only note of interest here. Moving on ...

Hulk: Destruction #1:
Here we go, the stupidest idea of the week. "Hey, we've got the Abomination in custody ... wouldn't it be great if we could retrain him and send him out to work for us? We could pull out of Iraq, or better yet send him in as an invading force instead of the military! No US casualties! What? He betrayed his Soviet masters when they spent decades training him? Huh? He fooled even Thunderbolt Ross when he infiltrated our program? What's that? He's got no real reason to do anything we say once we let him loose in the world, with his super strength and crafty criminal mind? Bah, we're Americans, we don't believe in facts! Facts are for foreigners, let's get this guy trained an in uniform -- Ross and Leonard Sampson will help!" I'm not making any of that up, that's what the book's about. Now, in Secret War Nick Fury at least had the right idea -- catch Banner, drop him in a country you want destroyed, and put a sonic "annoyer" on his neck until he Hulks the joint into the ground. With dumb Hulk, that'd work. However, with any gamma-powered creature able to use his university education, there's no freaking way, especially when the gamma-inspired shmuck in question is a: a super villain, b: morally flexible, c: an experienced spy who's tricked the Feds with his lies before and d: all of the freaking above. Peter David, how could you?

JLA/Cyberforce:
The funniest thing in here is where they talk about a zombie-esque virus that infected the Cyberforce teammate Ripclaw, and it said -- seriously -- "See Image Anniversary Hardcover." I almost threw out my back laughing. I'm gonna start doing that. I'm gonna write reviews, and say, "See my review of Adventures of Biscuit Man #417 for more detail on that." If they're gonna reference books that don't exist (and, sadly, maybe never will), why can't I? Worst of all, that was the highlight of this comic, as some lame attempts to draw parallels and make buddies between the two teams fell flat, there's lits of fighting zombie-like creatures and then (as contractually obligated) the JLA fights Cyberforce (and yes, that's both laughable and embarrasing because the fight wasn't over in, what, two panels, with the JLA stomping in Cyberforce's faces) and the ending leaves room for Cyberforce to have a McGuffin to chase in any subsequent works. It was so dull, even writing this review of it is boring me ...

Machine Teen #3:
Speaking of boring ... oh, you get the point.

Superman/Batman #21:
Seeing as Superman and Batman went up against the real Avengers, what, less than two years ago (how long ago was JLA/Avengers?), and since Supes took down the original Elite by himself, you'd think these poorly dressed shmucks would pose little threat. Sadly, that's not the case. Dumb things happen, and inexplicably Batzarro and Bizarro #1 are just randomly floating around, threatening to leap into the story itself. I had more fun watching Jeph Loeb talk about this comic at Wizard World Long Beach than I did reading it.

Pulse #10:
Remember when Logan remembered his whole stupid life in that House of M story a while ago? Now Hawkeye does. And he's homicidal. Right.

Outsiders #26:
Because no one demanded it ... remember when I talked abut "old business" back in the Buy Pile? This is why it doesn't work ... especially because they bite the plot from the first issue of Global Frequency (and from the pilot ... maybe that's what inspired this issue, I just don't know ... except now I think about it, it has hints of that last stupid White Martian JLA story as well). With less-than-impressive art by Will Conrad and Sean Parsons and flashbacks to events I don't believe I'd have cared about during the original series, this is an ill-conceived clunker from start to finish.

Read Pile Roundup: Did everybody on the Read Pile give up original ideas for a late Lent or something? Ow.

So, How Was It This Week? With a great and expensive week of purchases versus a literally staggeringly stupid week of reads, its a wash.

The Buy Pile is a weekly collection of comic reviews done by Hannibal Tabu (www.operative.net), originally published at UGO.com.