Wildguard: Fool's Gold #1:
There's a delicate balance that can be struck between "too much going on" and "densely plotted," and this issue (and, in my opinion, every issue of this property Todd Nauck has produced thus far) strikes that balance just perfectly. The use of Real World style confessionals helps strike that balance, adding nuance and characterization in quick strokes, which I like a lot. The first pure "reality series" comic book (would New Warriors and Hercules exist without this?), it remains the best (again, in my mind) as it melds the existing "show" with a super powered take in America's Next Top Model, which gives Nauck an opportunity to draw curvy female figures (I do wish his faces would vary a bit more, almost my only complaint about his really solid artwork). A disappearing diamond-covered dress leads the team to join forces with a crime fighting boy band member (I freaking love that), and the team is really starting to gel as a unit. I (predictably) hate Snapback's girlfriend (am I the only one who wants her and Jar Jar binks to get Order 66ed?) and as noted, the plot moves zippily along, making me anxious to see what's next but not feeling at all deprived by what I got here. Very happy with this largely confectionary comic.

Intimates #9:
Punchy and Destra are on a summer vacation road trip, trying to dig into the motives behind the Seminary, all while Duke is having a bad time with his "summer job" with the decidedly un-pastoral Department of Park Services. The most innovative shtick at all, I felt, was describing Kefong's summer activities purely in the "info scrolls" at the bottom of the page, which added a meta-textual level to an interesting digression that I liked a lot (despite a lame punchline to a "joke" tied in and one note reading "Quick attention test: just between you and me, these info scrolls are starting to dance on my last friggin' nerve and if you're annoyed by reading them, just think how I feel" -- hilarious, since I adore the info scrolls). Again, another well-balanced and smartly rendered comic (I almost didn't even notice that there was a guest artist) that I'm pleased with.

Marvel Team-Up #10:
Ribert Kirkman, with great humor and great talent, looks at the "behind the scenes" workings of the Marvel universe (and gets a great joke in about Wolverine and pie that I'm sure Greg Rucka could appreciate), which finally solves the problem of the Ringmaster's new cosmic powers in a way i find deeply entertaing and very smart (go, Frank, go!) and MJ's lines near the end ("If you tell me it was the Vulture I will punch you in the face") was simply priceless. In a week of great comics so far, this is easily the most entertaining by a wide margin.

Y: The Last Man #35:
With an epilogue on the last two pages hearkening back several issues, and a lead story that ends badly (all things end badly, though, don't they?), this is a solid issue which keeps our characters moving east on their monkey-chasing quest. I was pleased, but it's the runt of the litter, as the other three books really over-achieved in their entertainment value.

Buy Pile Breakdown: A damned fine week of comics, and at only $13.50, a solid value too.

Then there's the stuff on the "read pile" that I don't bring home ...

Villains United #3:
I swear, everytime I see Catman beat the hell out of somebody, I just want that person permanently excised from comics. No matter how blonde his hair or rippling his muscles, I'm just not buying it. I'm getting a lot more Secret Six than, honestly, I really want here as the Society smostly plays the background (and a version of Monopoly that I found quite smart) save a really great exchange between Luthor and Black Adam (which shows why Luthor's smarter -- even if it's true, it was so well-timed in it's usage). To be honest, I'm getting kind of bored here, as this issue was really like the first hour of Bridge over River Kwai with less room for nuance. Maybe this is as hard as it gets, playing in the DCU toybox. I just expected more with no arguable "heroes" on scene (and yes, I know expecting things never works well for me). Eh.

House of M #3:
When it became clear that the only person in this entire Elseworlds exercise (and if you don't think there's an M'Kraan Crystal coming along to whoosh us back to normalcy, I've got some beachfront property in the Czech Republic to sell you) is Wolverine (who, as a fun side effect, now remembers his entire life for the first time since maybe his childhood), well you know you've got trouble. Wolvie (an agent in an elite SHIELD unit) flits around, pointing a light on More Things That Are Different (tm) and ends off facing down a House of M Hawkeye, whose only apparent difference is that he's breathing (and therefore available for snatching back to the regular Marvel U like Sugarman and Dark Beast hitching a ride out of the AOA). Too limp to be bad, too boring to be insulting, too predictable to play the Top 10 styled games of "find the in joke." Eh.

The Return of Donna Troy #2:
One of the first things I learned about writing in school is that plot points have to have consequences for the reader to care. Here, when the Titans of Myth (read: the shmucks Zeus backslapped off of Olympus so long ago that Darkseid's short shorts were in fashion) are stomping the hell out of a heretofore unknown world filled with beings you'll probably never see again, and using Donna Troy as the linchpin of their plans. So the entire cast of the Outsiders and the Titans come along (which was overkill, as most of them just stare, gape jawed, as one of two talks) to try and talk her down with some cliched "remember who you are" blather, and I just laughed. Throwaway gods on a throwaway world with throwaway characters, all to enact a mild retcon. People are expected to pay for this? C'mon, dawg. Moving on ...

House of M Fantastic Four #1:
John Layman turns in the most interesting of the House of M books (damned by faint praise), in a world with no Reed Richards for Doom to rival against (but his anger against Reed remains). Doom is, in the words of Magneto, "first among men. Among men." Not good enough. While Doom is much more dangerous without his foolhardy Reed fixation to slow him down, the issue somehow lacked a certain bombastic note for Doom (who was less subdued in the aforementioned AOA even) that made me leave it at the store. No fist shaking. Little speaking of himself in the third person. Very limited shows of power. Close, but not quite.

JSA #75:
What is it with DC and non-consequential comics this week? There's a death that's valid for maybe two panels before being swept away in a wave of faux sentimentality. Without the ineffectual histrionics (which would have been fine if they, you know, worked or meant something) this "story" (and I use the term loosely) could have been done in, what, six pages? Eh.

House of M Incredible Hulk #1:
G'day Doctor Banner -- Bruce goes native with Gateway and "aboriginal" tribesmen in Australia, as Exodus (and remember when he used to be somebody? When just him stepping on panel could send shivers down your spine?) is a backwaters flunkie of Magneto's trying to prove himself with an "ultimate solution," chasing down AIM "freedom fighters" (really) trying to save the world for Homo Sapiens Sapiens. A shaven-headed Hulk, wearing aboriginal war paint, leaping around ... eh. You can do better. The problem with all of these limp Elseworlds attempts (and I suppose I could say "what if?" but the grammar of such a sentence would make my head hurt) is that they don't really do so much different. I get the feeling we'll look back on all of this like we now view Heroes Reborn -- with derision and a bit of shame. Actually, we may be doing that already, and I'll finish the reasons why in a bit ...

Aquaman #32:
Scattered -- Aquaman is still ineffectually trying to find who's stolen his genetic code to make Sub Diego happen, and there's a really thin political struggle in Atlantis. Oh, and a sea monster. Oh, and Black Manta in a really good suit, getting a kind of funny job offer (if you're an angry Black guy who's against white control, why then take a meeting with the kind of white guy you claim is the problem? This is why you need Black writers ...) which barely is worth mentioning (odd, since Manta is on the cover, in costume, and never appears this inside). You can see the room for this all to make sense, but it either lacks the focus or the talent to do so.

House of M Iron Man #1:
With shades of Tokyo Storm Warning and Celebrity Deathmatch, the first problem here is Howard Stark being alive and whupping Tony's butt at every turn. It makes Tony's character a lot weaker, and makes the final page "reveal" almost predictable. Plus, was it me or was the art super kludgy? I can't tell if the problem started in pencils, inks or colors, but it's a mess. The retail troll Adam asked me, "Hey, do you know what 'House of M' stands for?" I said I did not, and he held up a TPB of Monarchy. "The standard for bad comics. They're trying to reach it!" I personally think that's a bit extreme -- in my not so humble opinion, the whole thing is too boring to be that bad, thus far -- but I found it funny.

Battle Pope #1:
This issue is like a summer rerun -- it's the exact same as the Battle Pope debuut issue I read years ago. I liked it then, but not enough to pay for it again.

Daredevil vs. Punisher #1:
There's a perceived criminal power vacuum in Hell's Kitchen. That brings mobsters. Which brings Punisher. Which makes Matt Murdock unhappy, since he's locking down Hell's Kitchen. So Punisher tries to hunt and Daredevil makes it impossible, so he gets bored and starts shooting and blah blah blah. You could probably write the comic, based on the title, and it would have turned out probably about the same. Which is boring, and no good.

Superman #219:
Superman is out of control -- again -- as he battles against Braniac -- again -- and no, I don't care. Nice art, though.

Catwoman: When In Rome #6:
In the continued struggle to make the Riddler a badass, he's apparently tricked Selina Kyle all the way to Italy, and grabbed the entire arsenals of the Gotham rogue's gallery, to try and find out Batman's secret identity. Instead of, you know, setting up cameras and hiring professionals and working in Gotham. Where Batman is. This is so staggeringly stupid that I'm now convinced that the Jeph Loeb that wrote Dark Victory and Superman for All Seasons and Long Halloween was killed years ago, like Francie on Alias and replaced by this apparently clueless doppleganger. Embarrassingly bad.

Shanna the She Devil #6:
This qualifies more as an art book than a narrative. Pretty dinosaurs. Boob-a-licious Shanna. Everything else is kind of incidental. The alleged story -- getting vaccine back to sick people -- is virtually forgotten. And virtually unimportant -- the goal is to let Frank Cho draw pretty pictures, and he does. It'd be more compelling if he just did a pin up book.

Gotham Central #33:
A teenaged boy in a Robin costume shows up dead, and all hell breaks loose. Is it really Robin? The cops can't be so sure. Batman assures them it isn't, and that the Boy Wonder is safe in Bludhaven, but they don't exactly trust the Bat these days and have to do their jobs. Which gets messy, and the frustration of being a cop in Gotham is clear. I liked the last page surprise (although I found it as implausible as the lead story in that Batman Allies Secret Files & Origins the other week) but it's still just not possessing that "snap" that makes it worth buying. Just below the mark, alas.

Exiles #66:
I saw the "Exiles Summer Tour" story on some website, and decided to check in, since they're gonna end up visiting some of my favorite continuities (including the New Universe -- yay, Star Brand!). But I was thrown in the deep end here, with scores of backstory making it hard for me to keep up with what's happening now. I like Bedard's writing, and I love the art of James Calafiore, so I wanna keep looking at this, but it's densely incomprehensible right now.

Firestorm #15:
I liked the rookie energy Stuart Moore has Jason showing here, as he's inadvertantly created a new super villain (woops), but (again) it falls short because the moves are telegraphed and there are no "wow" moments in plotting or art.

Ocean #6:
The letdown of the year, maybe, as the vast promise of an alien race of super killers falls so far into the background, in favor of humans shooting each other on space stations with bullets, of all the old school trappings. Sad.

Son of Vulcan #2:
Also sad -- a "passing on of a legacy" story without any significance -- I haven't had enough time with the property to make me care about this Vulcan power, let alone its raison d'etre or why I should care that some adorable moppet has inherited it. The creators here should see the American Icon backup in this week's issue of Wildguard -- it did the same kind of general idea, but more effectively and in less space. Maybe we could parachute Todd Nauck into DC editorial to give a series of seminars ...

Read Pile Roundup: When a John Layman Elseworlds story is the best of the bunch, that's a bad sign.

So, How Was It This Week? I have to call it a wash, as both Marvel and DC are both working hard to deluge me with horror this summer.

The Buy Pile is a weekly collection of comic reviews done by Hannibal Tabu (www.operative.net), originally published at UGO.com.