The Intimates #6:
I've read this comic book three times, and I'm not really sure what happened to me. This was publicized as the "secret Intimate origin of the boy we have named Sykes" (that's from the very trippy cover, which is more text than I've ever read on a comic book cover) a mysterious student with a kind of energy field around his head that morphs into looking like a variety of strange things (flaming eye, collander, fishbowl, et cetera). Empty Vee sneaks in and shuts it off ... anf all hell breaks loose. I mean, really, super trippy, "am I having a stroke or tripping on acid" hell breaking loose. In a recent issue of Cable & Deadpool they tried to show people going into Cable's mind ... but that had nothing on this trip, where the four protagonists are faced with some of the most horrible thoughts in their own heads, as well as in Sykes. There's so much subtext and sublety -- from the wounds on Sykes' "why are the experimenting on their own child?" parents (murder suicide?) to the license plate at the beginning (what does that mean?) to the teachers' utter cluelessness at what happened. I even read the column that Casey posted over at Comic Book Resources, and I'm still clueless. Even more interesting is that I love how befuddled I am -- less than the characters themselves, admittedly, but still feeling like I spent the night mentally spooning with Grant Morrison and Alan Moore. I'm itching to read it again, and again, and again. The best mind f**k that I've seen in ... hell, maybe ever (not as self indulgent as that Promethea finale, nor as impenetrable as, say, The Filth), and a fascinating diversion (although I wish I could have read the "broken" info scrolls a little more clearly. Fascinating, mind bending stuff that's not for the faint of heart (or mind).

Lex Luthor: Man of Steel #2:
Not as good as the first issue, but still pretty good, and a very clear and interesting take on Lex. Azzarello indulges one of his writing patterns that I feel is a crutch -- spinning out a cliche (or a take on one, as "You imagined I did, Sergei, and Image ... is never everything" or the exchange with Mona about feelings and sleeves, or even the "cake and eat it too" bit at the top of the construction site) and trying to let it carry the narrative weight of a point by way of shorthand. During "The Counter Fifth Detective" storyline in 100 Bullets this sort of thing drove me off the title. Here it's an annoying stylistic reminder, like an outrageously large Liefeld stapler-shaped gun or cursing and smoking in a Warren Ellis comic -- we know who we're reading, thanks, no need to wave frantically from behind the curtain. Very little actually happens, and the one thing of really disturbing importance -- the naked lady in the tank -- is brushed past as if unimportant. Flying for his meeting is an interesting set up, and one I wonder how it will conclude, but I'm very worried all of a sudden about this mini breaking my heart (like Blood & Water did) or doing the opposite of DC New Frontier and having (pardon the course phrase) shot its wad early and had nothing left (whereas Cooke's masterpiece only got better with each issue to its stunning, inspiring conclusion). Guarded interest here ...

Y: The Last Man #32:
First of all, there's more sexual tension in this issue than in even the issues where there was actual (even off-panel) sex. But this is the first part of a story called "Girl on Girl," so what do you expect? Yorick, 355 and Dr. Mann are all "serving" (Yorick's now the ship secret) on a freight headed to Japan, chasing the world-saving monkey and Toyota the Ninja (okay, it sounds dumb when i just type it out like that). Some really interesting flirting with a really interestingly depicted Hawaiian ship's captain and an enthusiastic make out session later (and you'll never guess between whom) and we're off to the races. Secrets get out, hilarity ensues, and oh yeah, somebody gets whacked. Despite the accidental listing of artist Goran Sudzuka as "writer," the fill in for Guerra is nearly seamless, with Jose Marzan Jr.'s help on inks. A great issue, even if the story as a whole is starting to show some signs of wear and tear.

Marvel Team-Up #7:
I can't see myself ever stopping to buy this fun, fun title. Spider-Man tries to get home with some Chinese take out, but runs into ... well, if I tell you, you'll start laughing, but it's really done in a kind of cool way, with old characters losing none of their classic, Silver Age-esque whimsicality but getting some modern credibility (Johns! Stop rolling aorund in all that cash and take notes!). Just a really well-done, fun superhero yarn that flows seamlessly from last issue to next without ever needing "decompression" yet telling a complete story in these 22 pages. Kirkman has done it again!

Buy Pile Breakdown: Azzarello is making me nervous here, but still a good and economically sound week of comics.

Then there's the stuff on the "read pile" that I don't bring home ...

Punisher #19:
Sometimes I get what I call a "bad idea." I think about driving my car across traffic and plowing into other cars like I was playing Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. Or I imagine telling a woman I'm dating the truth. Really bad, insanely illogical ideas. So when you see a mob guy digging up the graves of the Punisher's family on page one, you know that's not good for somebody. The plot -- which echoes very closely what happened in Punisher: Red X-Mas so far -- is nothing special, as criminals want Frank dead and start teaming up, thinking that'll help. Not a bad issue, but not worth buying in my book (and yes, I'm still miffed from that "Kitchen Irish" storyline a while ago).

Hellblazer: Papa Midnite #3:
In what I'm calling the "Kill Whitey" issue, Papa Midnite has scoured the US slave population and learned all the magicks of the continent that survived the trip, so he can start teaching them and striking back at the hated slavemasters. Befriending a Constantine (Hugh or something, an ancestor of our favorite Hellblazer) along the way, it starts to "feel" like a good Vertigo story in this issue. But it's not there yet, and this is a mini, so time is limited.

Ultimate Fantastic Four #17:
Three words sum up the best parts of this issue: Benjamin Grimm. Yes, you know what time it is. Ultimate Annihilus plays dirty in trying to escape the slow heat death of a dying universe, and in response Ultimate Thing re-enacts some of the highlights from an average episode of WWE's Raw (not Smackdown, Raw). Sue gets one good moment, Reed kind of plays the stumble-bum professor role, and Johnny is catatonic the whole issue. Still, good clean fun. But not as "awesome" as the issue that forced me to buy it a few weeks ago.

Losers #22:
I've noticed I lose track, a lot, of what's happening with who in this comic, whenever I read it. The often monochromatic coloring and generally low-impact artwork just lets things get lost easily. It's an ongoing complaint of mine, and some months it's less of a problem than it is right now. Eh.

GLA #1:
I really like Dan Slott's writing. But here, in this issue, it just didn't click. There was a good bit of humor that worked, some slapstick and some good pokes at the cliches of the genre. I was very surprised to not find this fascinating, but Mr. Immortal is a very limp protagonist, the rest of the cast is really not on the ball. I'll check in next month, but I was underwhelmed, despite really good artwork.

Swamp Thing #14:
The writer for this comic goes to my comic book store, and I got a good look at him at Wizard World Long Beach, so I decided that I was going to look in on his title. The monster is drafted by his daughter, in a kind of WB series thing, to take a faith vampire on. It plays out, it's done well ... but it's not amazing, it's nothing special.

Hulk #80:
Bobby Ewing called, he wants his ending back. Banner gets a little smart, but this Hulk is just a mess. Part Joe Fixit, part schoolyard bully, part Columbine high junior ... it's just the wrong note. The actual plot -- which reads like part Jurassic Park and part Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe -- also doesn't do it for me, which is a big pain for me, given my real love for Peter David's writing. What is it, let me down week? Ah well.

Deadshot #5:
Speaking of letting me down, the ending to this fascinating mini just fell flat. The series kept building and building, going from hyperbole to hysteria, with a veritable phalanx of superhuman antagonists dogpiling on a man who has nothing but guns, brains and a bad attitude. Guess how that goes. But the necessities of a licensed, shared universe made the conclusion deeply unsatisfying. Ah well.

Shanna the She-Devil #3:
Pretty but empty. Nazi scientists did bad things in tropical locales. Big whoop.

Firestorm #12:
Speaking of dogpiles, somebody sent Mutiplex and Typhoon to the supervillain upgrade clinic and got the "deluxe" package. Ronnie Raymond has a philosophical argument with Jason Rusch about old school morals versus modern day expediency. This issue has a great deal of Firestorm history in it, which even I (with a fairly decent knowledge of the character) was somewhat befuddled by, but it was an okay fight issue all around. Not great, but okay.

Power Pack #1:
First of all, don't panic: this issue is so not in-continuity that it's barely even a Marvel book. It's almost a Star Comics product (hands up, anybody old enough to have bought any of those). Second of all, this has all the rhythms and simplicity of a modern day kids' cartoon. Third, this is one of the most harmless, innocuous comic books I have ever read. I would be happy to give it to any of my nieces or nephews ... if it weren't so relentlessly white. I mean, super, Osmond white. Relentlessly, red-state white. Out of control, cuddling with HIllary Duff, Christmas morning at the Kennedy homestead white. Which isn't a bad thing, per se, but ... well, it's not my shtick.

Green Lantern: Rebirth #5:
Hal's back. I think that's a horrible idea, but that's neither here nor there. Sinestro is also back, and -- apparently -- impossible to kill anymore. I also think that's a bad idea, and that's also not important. Through most of this issue, Hal and Sinestro beat the hell out of each other. I think that's a fabulous idea, but that's not really important. What bothered me, and why I can't recommend this issue, is the instant forgiveness and awestruck wonder with which Hal Jordan is greeted by, yes, even people he's actively, personally killed (full disclosure: I was a Kilowog fan). when the Bat finally says, "Oh hell no!" I found myself agreeing with the rodent-themed billionaire for the first time in months. The extreme and overwhelming fight scenes, which were well done, were just something that's happening. The core -- forgiving Hal for an escalating series of atrocities and the destruction of scores of lives, including everything he now claims to again stand for. I don't know how even the most determined Hal Jordan apologist can take this story with anything resembling seriousness, and Johns' work here (and I use the term loosely) pisses on every good thing he's ever written.

Strange #5:
George Lucas called, he wants the plot to Star Wars back. Stephen Strange must "unlearn" what he has learned (yes, they actually used Yoda's dialogue), as he trains to be a Jedi, er, sorceror. Meanwhile, the much more talented Darth Vader, er, Baron Mordo cuts a deal with Palpatine, er, Dormammu and ... you know what? I can't even talk about this anymore.

Justice League Elite #10:
DC's tradition of raping female characters moves into mind rape with Manhester Black highjacking his own sister's brain and body to move into all new reprehensible, virtually Ozarks territory. It seems the Bat and Green Arrow knew Kasumi's secret, and things are falling apart in a very messy way. There's a bit with Dawn that I didn't completely understand, but this issue was solidly "okay."

Street Fighter #14:
A little scattered, but wow do these guys know how to do a fight scene. Ken and Ryu versus Balrog and Vega at Ken's wedding. Wow. Normally, fight scenes are space filler, but by incorporating things that the characters really do from the game, with such fluidity and craft applied to the work. Wow. The scattered story -- a surprise, with way too many plates spinning, and some not so steadily -- just barely kicked this issue out of contention.

Seven Soldiers: Zatanna #1:
The third of Grant Morrison's minis, this one is not as good as Manhattan Guardian, which was itself not as good as Shining Knight. Zatanna's lost her power in a method that just might be psychosomatic. Right. She goes to therapy with other whacked out metas. Fine. The "deus ex machina" bit was a little easy, but it's early. No, I wouldn't have bought this given the chance again.

X-Men/Fantastic Four #5:
This issue so closely steals from Ridley Scott's Aliens franchise that they actually name checked it. Reed and Hank McCoy have a somewhat pointless attempt at poignancy, and there's lots of fighting. Yeah.

Superman/Batman #18:
I've liked a lot of Jeph Loeb's writing -- The Long Halloween is a masterpiece for instance -- but his run on Superman/Batman will have to be regarded as one of the most horrible, most awe-inspiringly bad on any comic book ever. This issue, closing down an Elseworlds run, leaves Clark and Bruce with a head full of bad memories and a headache the size of Sheboygan. Funny enough to me is that Bruce now rememebrs an entire life with his parents, never being murdered. But let's close in on the specific problems here. In one panel, I wanted to hurl the comic book away from myself: Cosmic King threatens to turn the iron in Superman's blood into Kryptonite. Now, my Legion history is a bit rusty, but according to this poster at EZBoards, "Cosmic King has the ability to transmute inanimate objects, changing their elemental composition, structure or form." If, in fact, Superman has iron in his blood (which is not a guarantee, given his admittedly alien physiology), it would not be iron as an inanimate object. I hate that kind of stuff. I mean, I looked that up on Google, taking exactly forty-five seconds. I've met Loeb. He's a great, funny, interesting man. Surely he can afford DSL if I can. I'm just saying ...

Read Pile Roundup: Kosovo, Beirut, Compton ... it was like a freakin' war zone in there.

So, How Was It This Week? The overwhelming suckiness of the reads kicked a sheerly average week of purchases into "nah" territory.

The Buy Pile is a weekly collection of comic reviews done by Hannibal Tabu (www.operative.net), originally published at UGO.com.