JLA Classified #5: (DC Comics)
First of all, nothing happens in this entire issue until the next-to-last page. That's a problem for a lot of people -- hell, it's normally a problem for me. The entire issue is comprised of banter and talking heads. Which would be a problem for me if they weren't so damned funny. When you add "Giffen" and "DeMatteis" and "Maguire" and "JLA," action may show up, but it's crashing the party. It's all about the kind of rapid fire banter that, well, I used to love on Sports Night. I'm a fan of the series, and I like what happened, but I recognize that it's for its own idiosyncracies and not due to an overwhelming application of craft (except Maguire's mastery of facial expressions -- the silent panels say as much as the ones with dialogue, and sometimes more). Plus, reading some things -- Sue denying being pregnant, for example, or Booster threatening to become a super villain -- that ring a little too close to the truth in today's "this will change the way you see the DCU forever" times. Still, I like it, and I'd sacrfice puppies to dread Cthulhu in order to get Maguire to draw my words as well as he does the work here, so take that for what it's worth.

Spider-Man/Human Torch #3: (Marvel Comics)
The first six pages are a little uneven on pacing, with a somewhat tricky narrative method not paying off for Spidey early on, and Johnny kind of melting into the background both visually and in terms of dialogue. But the second you see -- and I can't believe I'm typing this -- The Red Ghost and his Super Apes (I had to look one more time to believe what I was saying), it's all downhill from there -- in a good way (like a sled in the winter time). I really love the way Slott makes the banter between Johnny and Peter really "pop," and the nostalgic-minded artwork of Ty Templeton and Nelson is absolutely dead on (who thought you'd be happy to see the Spider-Mobile again -- even if it gets broken in to on Yancy Street?). Plus, there's a running joke in here about those old Hostess Fruit Pies ads (mmm, pie) that makes this issue worth the price of admission all by itself. When you add in a surprisingly genuine moment between the two young heroes, this candy-coated comic book suddenly adds up to a lot more than it seems to be capable of. I have to recommend any issue that has as a line of dialogue, "It's the Red Ghost and his Super Apes! And they're stealing your car!" Dan Slott is turning into a writer whose name alone is enough to make something worth buying.

Seven Soldiers: The Manhattan Guardian #1: (DC Comics)
Reluctant jump from the Read Pile. As I walk in, the store's owner Steve walks right up to me and hands me this issue, and basically says, "Buy this." Now, most of the time Steve is not only spot-on about good comics, but he also knows his audience. He pointed me to Interman which I liked, and the Casey-inspired WildCATs. On the other hand, he also aimed me at the only-okay Superman: Secret Identity, which was not as good as I felt it could have been. This, alas, is in the same general area -- good, but not that good. A superhero funded and created by a large metropolitan newspaper, assisted by a "Newsboy Army" (guess a certain team of 31st century teens have another term sewed up) of prepubescents littering the city ... it's a good idea. A solid premise with an even cooler concept for villains (which I won't say anything about, as it'd be a big spoiler). The best part, surprisingly, was the intimate family scenes between the protagonist and what looks like his father-in-law. Well, that and his battle cry (which I may end up using in my every day life). But the whole package doesn't add up -- in the same way the last comic was more than it seemed it could be, this is somehow less. Had I read it in the store, I would not have bought it, so it snuck by me a little.

The Official Handbook to the Marvel Universe: X-Men Age of Apocalypse 2005: (Marvel Comics)
How many of these things am I gonna buy? I know. All of them. Anyway, this saves me all the trouble of caring about most of the backstory in AoA that I half-read a million years ago. I notice there's some omissions -- I don't see the Guthries anywhere, as they're all the rage in the current mini (we'll get to that in a minute), and it seems weird that Blink gets two pages while Apocalypse himself only gets one. Still, not bad, but probably even closer to my greatest fear: The Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe: Boise, Idaho Phone Book.

Sleeper #10: (Wildstorm/DC Comics)
I'm confused in a good way here, as this issue reminds me of my favorite song right now, "Pieces" by Sum 41. The lead character Holden is edging closer to his endgame scenario, but the really believable pain he feels when he realizes he forgot Rule of Acquisition #99 is really a kick in the head for him. On the other hand, given how much he does know, I still remain unsure how much of this is going according to plan and how much things are getting screwed up. I liked Grifter's use here, and Lynch was just about right as well, plus I am having a hard time finding anybody Miss Misery hasn't slept with. Here, for the first time, I was able to appreciate Sean Phillips Jae Lee-esque art, as the panels with Peter and Gretchen and the one where Holden grabs Lynch's jacket were almost perfect. I will admit that seeing "I can breath again" (which should be "I can breathe again") drives the English major in me crazy, but this very murky, very morally ambiguous issue makes me happy, even though I'm a bit confused. That's kind of rare, in and of itself.

Buy Pile Breakdown: I could live without Manhattan Guardian, but otherwise I'm pretty pleased.

Then there's the stuff on the "read pile" that I don't bring home ...

Runaways #2: (Marvel Comics)
I thought the pacing was a bit uneven here, and the quickness with which Excelsior was willing to "suit up" again was a bit too easy, but this was another good issue in a long line of 'em. Just short of my personal standards, alas, and I'm very interested in how far they'll take the "Could you kill Hitler as a child?" concept.

Authority: Revolution #6: (Wildstorm/DC Comics)
In a possible echoing of what the real life comics community said, "whatever happened to the Authority" indeed? Scattered to the winds, with only new technology as a sign of their passing, the Authority's rule has left no significant mark on humanity. Ask Cable -- show them a better way, and they will ignore it the second you're gone. This issue looks at the fallout of the end of that reign, moving into the future (showing a much more lucid Jenny Quantum and having Apollo play Blues Brothers as he tries to get the band back together. No idea where this is going ... and sadly, waning interest in that direction as well.

Age of Apocalypse #4: (Marvel Comics)
The Guthries (there's four of them) go against the X-Men (there's, what, a billion of 'em). Does anybody really think it'd be a spoiler if I said which way that went? Anyhoo, in this wildly insular story (with a lame and predictable reveal) ... wow, I just realized I can't even be moved by this issue enough to care about saying much more. Yeah. That says all it needs to, I think.

303 #4: (Avatar Comics)
It took me a page or two to get adjusted to the new protagonist being introduced (and I still don't have a full grip on him, or the "why" of him), this issue is a lot quieter and calmer than the rest, as the old soldier we've followed apparently is the only survivor of his mission, and the last issue came out a while ago, so I don't remember what happened to his mission objective. Overall, I got lost here, but it might make more sense as part of a collection.

Invaders #8: (Marvel Comics)
The best part of this issue is the Flaming Skull -- while beating up Atlantean rebel forces (they're everywhere these days ... except these are teamed up with Nazis, of course *yawn*), he demands some tartar sauce and lemon wedges. Hi-freakin-larious. The rest of the book -- Captain America showing up and arguing with John Walker again, meaningless fight scenes, the Thin Man planning something -- can't hold a torch, pardon the pun.

Robin #13: (DC Comics)
More fight scenes, more of Robin being called the next best thing (hard to believe when he knows the Penguin is sending goons after him, and never deals with that core cause), more predictability. Oh, and they find his uncle. Yes, it's about that dull when you read it, too, which is a shocker given the fact that it's written by the amazingly witty Bill Willingham.

Arana #3: (Marvel Comics)
More fight scenes? Okay. Well, Arana comes up against her new Egyptian-themed nemesis (using Egyptian-themed characters as antagonists is the new black ... without being, you know, Black). Again, the handle on teenaged characterization is very good (I don't really know why the boy assassin would go to high school, though), but this issue's kinda sappy ending submarines the good momentum the title was building up.

Conan #14: (Dark Horse Comics)
You're sure you want more fighting? Okay. Conan, battling through intestinal fluids (eww ...) uses force of will and his strong sword arm to ... well, he's Conan, whadda ya think he does? Mmm. That may be the reason I'm not buying this -- the things he kills aren't ever very believable or threatening (it ain't easy making a Thulsa Doom), and the ways he ends up killing things isn't even often very spectacular. Plus, there's none of the amazing language from early issues, searching for Hyborea. Mmm.

Daredevil #71: (Marvel Comics)
Starting of the end -- Bendis and Maleev's swan song, "Decalogue" starts here, with a kind of support group meeting at a church and discussing how Daredevil has affected their lives. One woman recounts a powerful tale of Murdock's "infernal" intervention ... and that's about it.

Read Pile Roundup: Everybody hands out some beatdown, but nobody does it in a way that's fascinating (well, save that wacky issue of Shaolin Cowboy that I read, which was a great fight but so very weird ...). I thought about looking at Filler Bunny but it was just too pricey ...

So, How Was It This Week? No real complaints, but I'd like some more brains in my brawn next time, please.

The Buy Pile is a weekly collection of comic reviews done by Hannibal Tabu (www.operative.net), originally published at UGO.com.