Marvel Knights Spider-Man #9:
Huge jump from the Read Pile. It's not a big secret that I don't really like Spider-Man as a character. Sure, I've bought a decent amount of Spidey comics in my day, waited for him on Electric Company and even had a Spider-Mobile toy (I can still remember the plastic ridges of the simulated web lines on its chassis now). But that was years ago, when I was a lot less discriminating. I haven't, to my knowledge, spent a cent on anything Spider-Man-related in aeons (including both movies). Until today. Which is why I had to do this review first, as it ... shocked me, to be honest with you. Peter finds out just who kidnapped Auny May and why. That's sort of interesting in a "sheesh, this guy finally got a clue" sort of way. What's really deeply fascinating is something that makes the "totem" villain argument from JMS make a little more sense, that skews the entire Marvel universe in a deeply interesting and complicated fashion. Since it's a less-than-huge plot point, and something lots of people will be sure to ignore, I'll spill it: allegedly, after World War II, corporate interests in Marvel's universe began creating super villains solely to distract super heroes from the real iniquities of the world and the real "crimes" (think Enron or Halliburton). That a certain arch-nemesis of the Spider was one of the biggest contractors of this kind of work. That now he's publicly jailed and disgraced, he could start talking about where all the metaphorical bodies are buried. This point (which will come up again in this week's reviews), is bolstered by the question, "You never wonder why you always fight the same guys over and over again?" Later, the same character said, "Why did they always go after the same super heroes? They were assigned to these guys, Spider-Man. You guys were written into their contracts." It would also explain how jail seems such a porous and non-permanent situation for so many of them, and how they keep falling into multi-million dollar technological equipment when I'm scrambling to save up and buy an iBook before the end of the tax season. It makes me pick up old Marvel comics -- say, that Iron Man issue when Force pops up in Iraq -- and wonder, "hm, how many armament contracts would such an encounter encourage on the international market?" My retailer Steve called this his "pick of the week," and I've already read it four times, and will probably read it more. That's good comics, with as-always stellar work by the Dodsons and Avalon's Ian Hannin on colors.

She-Hulk #10:
In contrast, one of my normal favorites is just "okay." By doing an Earth's Mightiest Heroes on the events preceding Secret Wars (the Shooter, not the Bendis), the origin of Titania is retold in fairly interesting detail. Her tortured life will seem familiar to some comics fans (I saw things I'd gone through), and the panels with Doom are really pretty good. But so? I mean, I want some Awesome Andy, I want Pug moping around while John Jameson flirts with Jennifer. It's like an episode of Ally McBeal where they suddenly spent the whole episode looking at the lives of one of those disposable opposing lawyers. A good and interesting one who'll return, but still a bit character who got a whole issue. I read online that this is part one of a three-issue "arc" or sorts, where Titania and She-Hulk go for broke. I liked his pacing better in done-in-one stories, at least if this is any indication. Not a bad purchase, but the weakest issue in the entire series' long run of winners.

Noble Causes #5:
The "Krennick: Fugitive" storyline (apologies to the Bat-office) closes in a wholly anti-climactic fashion, while two duet character studies (Doc and Gaia, Frost and Rae) fascinate endlessly. I loved the guest appearance by Invincible (much more confident than he seems in his own title) and only the ending seemed contrived. I know it's supposed to be like a soap opera, but the Krennick and ending twists seemed really out of left field. Which didn't stop me from enjoying Zephyr's involvement, the aforementioned character work and Krennick's novel solution to a recurring issue for him. Ups and downs, but overall good stuff.

Bullseye: Greatest Hits #4:
Is it wrong to have a man-crush on Steve Dillon's artwork? If I ever got an unlimited budget to do a comic book, especially a character study, he'd be pretty much tops on my list for the artist. The panel where he stabs Elektra, from the classic story, is uncanny in its power. Anyway, gushing praise aside, this is another really interesting issue, with Way even further fleshing out the "super-villains are created, not born" concept, Bullseye snows his jailers while we get to see the real story inside his head (a nice trick), and this book does all the "building of a monster" work that another Marvel title (we'll get to that in a bit) tries for and fails. Really great stuff.

Buy Pile Breakdown: The benchwarmer on this team would be a star anywhere else in the league. A winnah!

Then there's the stuff on the "read pile" that I don't bring home ...

X-Men/Fantastic Four #1:
I'd have to assume that, up until the day the Tim Story-helmed big screen adventure happens (see, I told you my work would leak over), we'll start to see the Richards clan popping up all over the place. Anyway, in this roughly drawn and overly ambitious Marvel Team-Up (I'm serious, the art was not up to par), a team of X-Men join Sue, Ben and Reed in trekking up to a space station and re-enacting opening scenes from most of the alien-centric sci-fi movies of the last twenty years. The story is even called "first contact," for the love of Geordi. Still, there's some fun with Wolvie and Ben, I loved Emma's "frostiness," and this didn't completely suck. I can't imagine a reason for its existence, but it didn't offend. Kind of like Twinkies. Yeah, it's a Twinkie comic, and if that's your bag, go for it. I prefer to eat food that, you know, can't stay fresh for a few centuries.

Angel Town #2:
Did you ever watch the Peabody-award winning show Boomtown? Yes, it starred alleged woman-beater Mykelti Williamson and former New Kid Don Wahlberg. Still, it was really, really entertaining and a fresh look at numerous areas of Los Angeles that normally don't get seen by the world. Reading this issue of Angel Town reminded me a lot of that (but with, you know, boobies), with the antics in working as a detective (loved how long the protagonist here hid under the car) and the heavy focus on the celebrity culture that seems to dominate the minds of so many people living north of the 10 freeway. However, after what i learned last time about this series' fate at the hands of the Vertigo machinery, I am a bit more understanding of what I would have otherwise considered huge flaws in pacing and character development. Call Tiffany to sing, "it could have been so beautiful ..." because this is San Andreas-meets-Boomtown issue had a lot going for it.

Dr. Spectrum #4:
Remember everything that Bullseye: Greatest Hits is doing right? Well, Dr. Spectrum is doing it wrong. In these crystal-forced trips down memory lane, the reader is probably supposed to get to know this professional killer better, but he's still really a cipher to me, and I'm really interested in what's happening here. Pfah.

Powers #7:
Speaking of television-nuanced stories, Deena's guarded secret remains something solely for the audience, while the toil and drudgery of policework remain toilish and drudge like. The best passages in this issue involved Retro Girl's butt crack. Let's just move on ...

Aquaman #25:
Arthur confronts an issue of drug use for the shell-shocked populace of "Sub Diego" (I sincerely hope they do a special Comicon issue, that'd be a hoot, with fans determined to hold it there anyway, geeks in Jedi robes and scuba gear ... sorry, I digress) ... and fails miserably. As was best shown in the oversized special Superman: Peace on Earth, when iconic extrahuman characters try to tackle problems with complicated causes, they normally lose, because they are too inflexible (and/or weak-willed, powerless, or stupid, depending on who we're discussing) to do anything about it. That's about the size of this.

G.I. Joe Reloaded #10:
Chuck Dixon is here, and it shows. His kinetic writing style is all over this fairly interesting issue, which takes a look at the captured Hawaiian island of Kahua (I may be spelling that wrong, but I am too busy to care -- email my editor if so and he'll fix it and/or yell at me) and the singular US military presence there, Beachhead. The angry, super-skilled soldier slaughters Cobras like I mow down pedestrians in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City (I'll get San Andreas in February, I can't take the time off of work right now) and basically does a "Punisher-or-Rohrshach-gets-sent-to-prison" shtick. It's almost like a vacation for him. The biggest problem here is that the large art team (there's layouts, pencils, inks ... at least four people involved) don't seem to do good action scenes, and the actual "biff" and "pow" lack (pardon the pun) punch. Still, building off the really fascinating work of Reiber and still clawing its way towards being a purchase.

Gotham Central #26:
Another contender that just barely missed the mark. Catwoman is suspected of a murder involving a gun, and that doesn't sit right with Josie Mac, GCPD's secretive "lucky" detective. Again, this owes a great deal to Dick Wolf's Law & Order (as does District X, Powers and probably a few others) in atmosphere and ambiance. It just seemed to drag a bit in the middle, and whereas I like it to stay snappy, it didn't do that. Still, close, very close to getting bought.

Punisher #15:
Ah "the rookie mistake" -- where would action fiction be without it? Frank's Special Forces babysitter must be part Klingon, because he acts like a real Soy'wI' (yeah, I broke it down in Klingon, what of it?) ends up screwing the pooch in a really and things start to go predictably awry. A tense issue with some great Punisher action.

Nightwing #100:
My first reaction, seeing Nightwing strangling Tarantula while sitting on her back is, "okay, really, what does DC have against women? Sheesh!" Dick's desire to take responsibility for the death of Blockbuster runs into the infamous thin blue line and leads to an ugly inconclusive ending to this issue. I really felt worst for Tarantula herself, a woman who knew this was coming (they did a whole issue about it a few months ago) but stuck with it anyway due to being smitten with Dick Grayson. Poor pattern recognition makes me sad (and sometimes angry). Not really entertaining, more like disquieting.

Marvel Knights 4 #13:
This is rapidly becoming the creepiest read of my month. After Reed's disturbing admission to Sue last issue (which she just kind of glossed over, which is even more unsettling), they've hired back 95% of their staff and are back in the black. But Sue wants to keep teaching. Uh huh. Getting past the sheer stupidity of those points (getting rich again now after ... gah, I can't even talk about it), the inclusion of Puppet Master and his ridiculously twisted, almost Deen Koontz-esque plot for some kind of redemption ... ew. That, by itself, was just too Special Victims Unit for me (yes, I have been watching more TV, why do you ask?) and I'd rather not be involved (you can tell it's gonna get murky when Daredevil shows up to fish a dead broad out of the river). The Frank Cho cover, of Sue sticking her butt out, got a lot of appreciative stares from the knuckle draggers at the store, though.

Masters of the Universe #8:
This issue was all about Orko. I think I read maybe seven, eight panels of it. That was too much. Let's never speak of this again.

Hulk/Thing #4:
Probably the most pointless thing I read all week. It was like a screening of that second Grumpy Old Men movie. Again, let's just move on.

JLA #109:
The fact that the Crime Syndicate plans to dress up like the JLA amuses me to no end. Their tense bickering and internecine insults was cute, but I still don't fully understand what they have planned here. Fun to watch, though, like a cheerleader on a trampoline.

Rising Stars #23:
With one issue left, that means that a whole lotta Specials gotta die. The way they do is, in my mind, so sadly predictable and so embarrasingly obvious that it saddened me. I mean, yeah, you had to whack all but one to make the story fit, and as suckerpunches go, it's a well-thought-out one ... but still. The myopia of the Specials seems too naive for a group that'd been pinned down on a mountain top by federal troops, but maybe that's just me.

JSA #68:
Now this is the way to do a time travel story. Rip Hunter pops up with a motley crew of JSA members past and present to fight off Degaton's latest shenanigans, using futuristic Nazi troops (okay, technically fascist, but you know they're Nazis and so do they) to hunt down heroes before they're a threat, while hatching a bigger scheme to corrupt the core of the heroic age. I wouldn't be surprised to see the Legion head downstream to help, but that may be my wishful thinking. Anyhoo, I really liked what Johns did with Rip Hunter, a haunted man who can never know a home. Considering how much suckage this title has had in the last year or so, this issue is a breath of fresh air ... and not one to be trusted until we have a few more good months under our belts.

District X #8:
Hey, the Morlocks are back! Wait, no, they're not Morlocks, sorry ... they're just exactly like the Morlocks in every way save code names. Argh. Add this to the fact that Law & Order: Criminal Intent recently had an episode featuring people who lived in tunnels under New York City, and I sometimes just wanna stop reading big company comics completely (thank you, Priest and Slott, for keeping me in the game). Anyhoo, it's almost sad that a misunderstanding between Bishop and his beleaguered partner is more interesting than "When Morlocks Attack," but them's the breaks.

Action Comics #822:
A Smallville family get together ... made tense by Lana relentlessly coming after Lois' man. When that man happens to be the Last Son of Krypton, whoo boy. Jonathan and Conner do all they can to stay out of the way. That's interesting. However, when a super powered freak named (I am not making this up) "Repo Man" (imagine Guido from X-Force without the whimsy), I remember, "Oh ... right, Chuck Austen." Let's move on.

X-Men: The End Book One: Dreamers and Demons #6:
My retailer Steve made me very sad when he told me that it would take eighteen issues to kill the X-Men. The whole Marvel universe was killed off in six. So was Wolverine. Punisher and the Hulk were done in one. What's the point of doing a "The End" special if it takes forever. Seriously, if you see Chris Claremont on the streets, beg him to stop writing comics. For the good of humanity.

Read Pile Roundup: Well, first of all Dick Wolf should be getting royalties, and second of all it was pretty crappy.

So, How Was It This Week? The week is just under the "acceptable" mark due to the extreme concentrations of Stupitron particles in the Read Pile and slight stumbles from Dan Slott and my man Jay Faerber.

The Buy Pile is a weekly collection of comic reviews done by Hannibal Tabu (www.operative.net), originally published at UGO.com.