The Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe: The Book of the Dead:
I'm so weak. I read every single entry, poring over details of fictional lives that aren't even alive anymore. I even chuckled at the tail end of the Odin entry, which read, "With the destruction of Asgard and its residents, it remains to be seen whether Odin will ever be resurrected." I completely forgot about some of these shmucks ... Omega the Unknown, Effigy, Gilgamesh (who I know exclusively from an Inferno epilogue with two Blues Brothers homage characters in it, precursors to Men in Black). I wont lie to you -- Marvel could start doing the phone book from Des Moines as OHOTMUs and I'd buy it, but as any deep fan of Marvel lore, this is a must have. For only four bucks too? Too great.

Fables #31:
In a move I can only consider cold-blooded, Snow White dumps her babies' daddy in favor of ... you know, I don't even know. I haven't been this befuddled at the actions of a woman since my best friend's wife walked out on him, their kids and the house (which, I suppose, shows Willingham's got a great grasp on the feminine mystique). That's right, there's a new sheriff in Fabletown, and nobody's really ready for what they're getting in to. The new deputy mayor Beauty (from Beauty and the Beast) is in way over her head, the new Mayor of Fabletown (Prince Charming) is content looking at the fun fringes and not looking at the really hard work he's got ahead of him. Everybody is blissfully charging ahead with no idea where they're headed, and gosh darnit, that's entertaining. Good stuff, and a solid foundation for the next bits to come (although I'd like to follow Bigby into "the world" and see what he's up to as well).

Bullseye Greatest Hits #3:
Bullseye's personal Silence of the Lambs moment continues as he holds a nuclear pistol to the government's head. He reminisces about a fun run-in with a wonderful chap named Frank Castle in the jungles of Nicaragua, screwing the CIA and the Contras in the process. This book is just good, mean fun and Daniel Way has a very good synergy with Steve Dillon, and the greatest of Bullseye's "hits" looks like it's coming up next issue. I'm having so much fun, I don't even care if this is a mini series (I think it is).

Justice League Elite #5:
The secret still lies beneath the surface, and at long last I'm getting a good look at Coldcast. The cover's a bit of a trick, as ... well, I won't say how, but Manchester Black is surely not "back" (and this is a good thing, I believe). Intriguing, interesting stuff with the Flash and Green Arrow doing dubious double duty.

New Thunderbolts #1:
IN-ter-esting. Fabian Nicieza (with Kurt Busiek on kibbutzing and crisp and evocative artwork by Tom Grummett and Gary Erskine) have brought back the T-Bolts in a way that's just slightly less complicated than their origins (oh and loving the "Reassembled" gag on the front cover). With murky personal lives and a mysterious backer (who seems primed for a fall). Both action sequences and intimate moments pop right off the page, and the moments of humor (Songbird: "With a new Mach suit ... what number you up to? Four?" Mach IV: "One more upgrade and I'll have to hide a kid and a monkey in my rear hatch." Songbird: "I don't get it." Mach IV: "You're too young") work perfectly. I think the last page is a badly chosen character, but otherwise this is a really excellent issue, providing story and establishing a status quo.

DC Comics Guide to Coloring and Lettering:
There's way too much here to review in the short amount of time I have available, but I adored the DC Guide to Writing Comics, and what I've had time to read here is very useful. I was largely in it for the lettering, but I found a bunch of really good points in the coloring section that helped me understand some things I've seen in the coloring of books. Fascinating stuff./

Buy Pile Breakdown: They're joking that another week like this will let them hook up a pipeline directly into my checking account, but I'm not mad at all.

Then there's the stuff on the "read pile" that I don't bring home ...

Avengers Finale #1:
This is the stupidest damned thing I've read all week. The idea of these "clip show" comics (stolen from the "anniversary" styled TV shows where they just show a bunch of stuff that happened before) makes me sick to my ass, but the specifics here ... gah. Most people now know who was behind the whole moronic "Disassembled" stunt, and that person's sibling shows up to say something that made me respond in the words of Kevin Hill's nanny: "that's the worst apology I've ever heard." One character quits (which, given characterization in another title, is really goofy), Stark says he's broke (immediately contradicted by the Warren Ellis-helmed relaunch, we'll discuss that below), another talks about hanging up his togs for good (which again is wildly contradicted by another title and another writer), and the writing as a whole is fannish in the worst way. Irksome to an extreme degree.

Identity Crisis #6:
Also climbing aboard the "what the hell?" train, an autopsy of Sue Dibny reveals ... well, it's a nasty surprise, and with one issue left I'd be very shocked (as would many on Usenet, claiming it's just another red herring) if we've finally found out who the killer is. If this issue's revelations are correct, and this is the killer, I'm almost happy with it. A person who can say, "I know where your mom lives. I know where your dog is kept. Nothing you can do can stop me from getting to them." That's kinda cool. Admittedly, there's no real capacity to make villains from scratch anymore, so cannibalizing former heroes seems to be the trend nowadays in lieu of kickass characterization and new threats (Alas, poor Prometeus ... I knew him well, Grant ...). Still, I've gone through so many twists, and the hamfisted heartstring tugging ("Batman and Robin. Orphans." Gaaaah) was too much even for me. Oh, and who slipped Bats the dumb pills, to where the Calculator can shnooker him? He's having a bad year.

Youngblood Genesis #2:
Not only can I not believe this thing was on the stands at all, but I can't believe a book associated with Rob Liefeld has turned in two issues in less than a year. I'm shocked, I tell ya. That notwithstanding, I can save you a bunch of time: the Weatherman is back, and it ain't Henry Bendix. That's where this is all inevitably going (as the story, such as it is, telegraphs every blow), but the apparently rushed artwork and clunky dialogue help make this one of the shabbiest books on the stands, a very small step up from something made at Kinko's and stapled together by your cousin Andy.

Marvel Knights 4 #12:
There's a conversation between Reed and Sue here which strikes me as the most disturbing thing anybody's ever shown about Mister Fantastic, a concept so wrong-headed and mean-spirited as to almost send him to join the Identity Crisis and Avengers baddies. It made me uncomfortable. Seriously. I don't like that at all.

Aquaman #24:
I am also shocked to tell you that this issue was ... kind of ... good. Ostrander has, with the approval of his corporate masters, sunken San Diego (now called "Sub Diego") and made all of its human inhabitants able to breathe in water, not on dry land. Concerns as to where they'd hold Comicon notwithstanding, this actually plays pretty well for the King of the Seas, and Arthur aquits himself well as a smart, experienced hero getting a grip on it all. I never thought I'd be picking up this book and doing anything short of laughing, but it's better than any of a score of books I could name, ones that came out this week with considerably higher profiles (like ... well, every Read Pile title I've reviewed up to this point).

Transformers Generation One Volume 3 #9:
It's official: Megatron is an X-Man. I base this on the theory around my shop that the only true powers the X-Men have is to come back from the dead, with everything else being icing. Megatron's back again. Surprise. In a somewhat inbred twist, Megatron's using some scraps of the "million strong aerospace extermination squad" he used to such impressive lengths in the latest War Within mini. Cute, but so what? In a strange bit of deja vu, everybody's headed to Earth ... but on purpose this time. I do so love the Transformers, but this is so unfocused as a narrative (and what's up with the Springer/Arcee/Hot Rod love triangle, how boring is that? She's so Smurfette) that I could not in good conscience buy this issue. That made me sad, seeing how I so adore the Transformers. Ah well.

Gotham Central #25:
Breaking up is hard to do, as this issue centers on the Bat Signal being taken down from the roof of GCPD headquarters. Batman, who's become one of the dumbest characters in all of comics in the last six months, pouts and taunts the commish (it ain't Gordon, old timers) about the decision and cops bicker as to the relative value, or lack thereof, of the Bat's involvement. It's a new day in Gotham, and everybody is pretty much in it alone. In a strange side note, things in modern DCU Gotham are now just the way they are in the Kids WB cartoon The Batman. So they've got that going for them.

G.I. Joe #36:
Speaking of paring down to the good old days, due to the exodus of General Hawk (the man's paralyzed for god's sake) and continuing hassles from the secret Pentagon cabal of generals called The Jugglers, the Joe Team is getting pared down to a roster of twelve (yes, one dozen opeatives) and everybody else is getting sent home. Meanwhile, Cobra is now fully under Destro's command and operating like an organization with some skill instead of the goofy bastards they always were. Honestly, some of the shticks seem lifted from John Ney Reiber's playbook in G.I. Joe Reloaded, but that might be that intracompany synergy I've read so much about. In any case, Cobra reorganizes itself for the umpteenth time, the US Military is chock full of corruption and bad ideas, and everything old is new again. One big reset button. I need a drink.

Dead @ 17: Forsaken #1:
A lot of my pals in the "blogosphere" are always ragging on me because I read nostalgia and superhero comics, but I also have a "normal life" (I attend plays and, you know, have sex with women). It seems doing all of these things is not supposed to happen, and I should therefore read more indie comics and stuff like, I've heard, Dead @ 17. So I saw this restarting with a #1 and picked it up. It's okay. I mean, it's actually a lot like Route 666 in tone, content and pacing, but a bit less informative as to the whys and wherefores (which is really not a good thing). It doesn't even have the advantage of being really pretty, to offset the plainness of the writing. To compare on this week's reads, it's not as good as Aquaman, but it's not as bad as Youngblood Genesis, much less the "big" books of the week. Another average book ina field crowded with them, so I don't see what all the fuss was about.

Nightwing #99:
Devin Grayson has made this the whiniest issue since Blockbuster caught a cap in his ass, and another whiny brick in a whiny wall of installments in Dick Grayson's life. Oh, and Dick's bleeding all over the place, probably from that brutal hand-to-hand fight he had last month with a guy who had cardboard freaking wings and a flamethrower strapped to his back. Now the last of the Bat's acolytes left in the area of Gotham, he berates Bruce and bleeds all over the bedding. People would pay for this? Sheesh.

Gray Area #3:
There's a very sweet twist at the end of this that really surprised me, and a lot of story and action was jammed in at a very decent, even pace. I've been a fan of Romita's art since before he worked on Rom: Spaceknight (my memory of his Dire Wraiths still makes me a bit itchy) and the work is just as solid here as it ever was. An interesting twist on the whole purgatory concept, and while I think characterization on the lead character took a back seat (like way back, like in a bus) to a just-above-average plot (and the ending seemed a bit off), it's still decent comics all around.

Marvel Knights Spider-Man #8:
Only good parts: the art (duh), the Venom symbiote getting bored of a guy and leaping off him in mid-swing, somehow flopping around New York on its own. Oh, and the bit with Jonah at the end was really funny (and shows how good Peter is with Photoshop, and how easy Jonah is to fool). Otherwise, this was in the same quality neighborhood, writing wise, as that Marvel Knights FF issue, or maybe Youngblood.

Firestorm #7:
The best part about new heroes is how you get to laugh at them. Jason Rusch almost gets the Firestorm power highjacked out from under him by a guy with a much stronger will (note: never bond with somebody more impressive than you) and ends up getting dragged along on an attack on lower-tier new character Bloodhound. Forgettable.

G.I. Joe/Transformers #3:
Two characters you might recognize get killed. Since this is a kind of "Elseworlds" experiment, you know it doesn't matter, but it was still cool to watch. I just don't feel like I'm enjoying this, like the middle levels of the Playstation Phantom Menace games, which just had me going from place to place on busy work to pad out the experience.

Green Arrow #44:
Oni Press called -- they saw the cover and want their indie stylings back. In a Very Special Issue of Green Arrow people say "HIV" and "AIDS" a lot and storm off in a huff. If I would have cared, I surely can't after this boring issue. You get all the press for doing this, and move on with a limp talking heads issue? Bo-ring.

Iron Man #1:
My first word when I opened this book was "wow." I mean, I thought Ocean was pretty. This is "head cheerleader" pretty. "Girl who you can't breathe around because she's so damned pretty" pretty. I mean, I never buy a book solely for the art, but this one almost had me. Wow. "Digital painter" Adi Granov, in the parlance of my people, really put his foot all up in this one. That said, Tony Stark sounding like Pete Wisdom or a censored Spider Jerusalem doesn't seem quite right. Ellis, I believe, doesn't have a good grip on that voice just yet. However the diary voice sounded about right (Stark keeps a "starlog" sort of thing like they do on Star Trek), the "documentary" which serves as the core of this issue would be great as a "deleted scene" but did little to characterize either Stark or the throwaway filmmaker. But damn this book is pretty. I remember I was seeing a woman last year who was kind of smart, but really strikingly pretty and great in bed. I remember keeping her around a lot longer than good sense would dictate because of those things. This issue reminded me of that experience greatly.

JSA #67:
Did you read this week's Identity Crisis? Then you can skip this entirely. Don't care about that crossover at all? Then you can also skip this. Actually, I can't think of one scenario in which reading this issue would give you any substantive value.

Marvel Team-Up #1:
The first page is a hoot, and Kirkman (this year's Bendis, writing seventy billion titles a month) has a great grasp on both Spidey's patter and kineticism and Wolvie's grim determination. But the common cliche of comics -- a hint more conversation would clear it all up -- is in effect as I saw the ending coming a mile away. Like Bendis last year, the ancilliary works like this never stand up to the work that they own ...

Ocean #2:
Still pretty, but read after Iron Man it's like cuddling with Velma after making out with Daphne. Its pacing and imagery reminded me of The Black Hole in a good way. Or 2001. Anyhoo, there's still a lot of "Ellis-isms" in the dialogue of everybody (in one character, cool ... in all of 'em ... not so much) and it moves at a glacial pace (pun intended) but something intersting is happening. Just. Very. Slowly.

X-Men: The End #5:
Speaking of slowly, it is surely taking a long time to kill all these people. I thought Ororo was gonna buy the farm, but she weaseled her way out of it. Perhaps its part of Claremont's plan -- the X-Men will die of boredom, along with whoever reads this.

Plastic Man #12:
Simple, rather juvenile fun here, but this title clearly has nothing to offer me, and the simplistic art is working my nerves (I know it's Morse this time, I don't care).

District X #7:
Better at its noirish style than any content-based substance, this issue feels incomplete as nothing really happens.

Action Comics #821:
I didn't like the "Godfall" storyline, so to see one of its antagonists Preus make a horny return with all of Superman's powers and none of his restraint (and what was J'onn thinking?), I again bemaoned the seeming inability to make a new bad guy interesting.

Warlock #3:
Borrowing from a host of sources, including early Hulk, Warlock takes a look at the world and isn't happy. Some people die. He looks on impassionately, like a sixties British pop star. I got so bored with it, I don't even know if I can finish this ...

Angel Town #1:
If you get a chance, swing by a mall and play Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (if you don't already own it). If you like that atmosphere, you'll like Angel Town, a higher-rent version of that. Seeing as I live here, it's less than compelling, as its characters (a bunch of 'em) don't have time to do much. My retailer Steve said that Vertiogo screwed the writer Gary Phillips, saying it was an ongoing, so he introduces scores of things in the first two issues, only to then say, "Changed our minds, it's a five issue mini." Expect Felon-level disappointment here on that regard.

Read Pile Roundup: "Shock" was the most common word, and not in a good way.

So, How Was It This Week? This week felt like it was a lot of work to get through.

The Buy Pile is a weekly collection of comic reviews done by Hannibal Tabu (www.operative.net), originally published at UGO.com.