Lucifer #54:
Considering the stakes and the locale, I found this issue didn't make the mark. Not worth leaving ... but just barely making it home. I did find Fenris' gambit quite smart, but I don't really get the ending at all. Eh, everybody has an off month now and then, and I often said Lucifer hit the mark on average three of every four issues.

Noble Causes #2:
Now this is what I'm talking about -- the madness comes at you fast and furious, from humping on a desk to an accidental murder to Venture making an appearance (yay) ... the regular series is doing it! This issue has twists and turns, with fun art by Fran Bueno (not too detailed, not too goofy, perfectly suited for the material). Very fun, in the guilty pleasure kind of way that has you reading the issue over and over for fun.

Sleeper Season 2 #4:
I actually think Holden is starting to enjoy balancing his life between supervillain boss Tao and superspy boss Lynch. Despite the fact I still don't like Sean Phillips' angular and jagged artwork, I am enjoying Brubaker's dark humor and the ill turns of fate -- the strip club scene is fantastic. Well worth the money, and again, now I see what people were talking about with this series.

Buy Pile Breakdown: Not bad.

Then there's the stuff on the "read pile" that I don't bring home ...

Avengers #502:
Boom! Bang! Pow! No, Adam West didn't sneak in, it's just Bendis breaking down Earth's Mightiest heroes, now with a Kree invasion (aren't they the Ruul now? Oh, who cares ...). Every argument against archers in combat comes to light, as hell continues to break loose and even an army of Avengers on the lawn can't do much to keep the team from getting their butts handed to 'em. Shame Thor is all Oeming-ed out facing Ragnarok. Only interesting in a freeway accident kind of way.

Catwoman #35:
There's a cute Black Mask Shakespeare riff at the tail end of the issue, and Brubaker nimbly keeps Catwoman fighting and pacing the backstory of the crossover at the same time. An issue that shows great skill and application to craft, but again serves fewer interests of the immediate issue and more of the meta story.

Black Widow #1:
Subpar art was easy to find this week, as Bill Sienkiewicz inks himself with results that I found less than pleasing. Somebody's hunting the Widow (didn't that just happen in Daredevil?) and she's not happy. Road trip with an old contact, blah blah, no evidence, yadda yadda ... if ten comics fans sat in a room with a half idea of what happened, I'd bet they could devise this plot, or maybe something more interesting, in ten minutes. Yawn.

Robin #130:
Robin's dad was awfully understanding, and I'd have liked a little more about how hard it was for Tim at school with his friends in the crosshairs. Perhaps to make everything fit (this is one busy Bat-crossover), that sort of thing had to be cut, but I feel Willingham (who has been really amazing most of the time) wouldn't have dropped the ball this way, with a really throwaway issue. Plus, with Spoiler continuing her Kim Bauer tour (I really kind of want her to die now) and the art work falling off the side of the cart, this issue was a letdown after a string of really surprising accomplishments.

Ultimate Fantastic Four #11:
Whiel Ultimate Doom may look like a goofy bastard, his "cult leader in training" styles and bazooka-wielding tactics bring the pain on the woefully unprepared Ultimate Reed, making a good show of himself. Warren Ellis seems to have a really good feel for Doom, in any time period, and I'm glad to see this is where he joined us. Some of the surprises -- Doom now being able to emit a poison gas breath (which made me wonder what happens when he ... never mind) -- were new, but overall I liked where this was going, especially since the Four have to earn being "Fantastic."

Flash #214:
This issue could have actually run as a backup in Identity Crisis, with Rogues laying low and trying to avoid attention, and yet another grim ghost of the Silver Age popping up when Ollie gives Wally a letter from Barry Allen, written years ago, and apparently stashed in a JLA locker room somewhere, lo all these years. I am starting to understand why people drink ...

Marvel Knights 4 #10:
I bet it's harder to think of ways to keep the FF broke than it would be to think of ways for them to get rich. When I saw Johnny, fully on fire and in flight, using a cellphone that must be fireproof (not a Fantastiphone, not a communicator, it may have even been a Boost Mobile), I reiterated my thesis: this is one of the dumbest titles on the market right now. Pretty, yes, like an easy blonde at a party who's on her fifth drink, but dumb as a box of hammers (as my friend Eric Stephenson was so fond of saying). When I saw that Franklin's reality warping ass was involved, and the throughline was dreams ... there's just no hope for this to make any kind of sense.

Plastic Man #10:
I think if I was a not-too-clever ten year old, this issue would have appealed to me. With my IQ and cognitive abilities, even at age six I'd have raised an eyebrow at it. In a preictable issue that read like a Disney Adventure (tm), I didn't enjoy it and didn't see it finding its way to kids who could enjoy it, due to market forces. Que sera sera.

Runaways #18:
A kind of anti-climactic denouement -- little did I know that Captain America's appearance last issue signaled the "end" of the story. I wonder how the new criminal face of Marvel's Southern California looks, now that the stabilizing influence of the Pride is gone. The finale didn't do much for me, basically letting more goofy teens wander around, but I suppose I should have known. Whenever I start to like something at Marvel, it changes or gets cancelled -- in this case, both. Que sera sera.

Small Gods #3:
Having the lead character navel gaze and whine to himself made me keep checking the cover and see if I accidentally picked up a recent issue of Nightwing. The psi-hating cop chiming in just because this guy is a cop seemed to take the concept of police loyalty farther than reason would allow, but with the really, really great art (I think color would do a disservice to the look of this title), I was almost too distracted enjoying it to notice. Almost. Still a Read Pile regular for now.

Teen Titans #16:
Back to the Future, as the "Kon-El in the Thirty-First Century" shtick gets settled, opening up a whole new bag of worms. The Fatal Five finally learn the Legion's lesson, and it's all bad for the future's favorite teens. Given the Waid/Kitson Legion coverage I've seen on Newsarama, I half way expect everybody to get blown up, and Keith Giffen to come in and close down shop, wiping the slate clean. Can I just get a momentary appearance of the dimensionally displaced isle of Marzali and my man Tyroc? Please? Damn ...

G.I. Joe Master & Apprentice #4:
Oh. The last page showed why this whole series happened ... and I don't care. I mean, it's vaguely interesting, but not four issues worth. Not to mention the fight scenes were nothing special, in this issue or others (which, given the ninja-heavy tone, is a real let-down). Taking itself way too seriously, especially since ninjas are so twentieth century.

Excalibur #5:
Okay, was I the only one grossed out by Callisto french kissing Chuck Xavier? Tentacles and bald head ... eww ... Plus the idea that Magneto's residual effects shut down all forms of electricity ... while Maggie rewrote the digital part of a brain last issue, and has tons of half-technological Sentinel leftovers operating fine ... does anybody read this stuff before it leaves the office? Marvel editorial's laissez-faire attitude towards Claremont's shotgun scripting still boggles my mind.

Tom Strong 28:
In a largely derivative robot morality story, Brian K. Vaughan misses entirely while trying to shine a spotlight on Pneuman (which I always say like Jerry Seinfeld ... sorry, digression). Nothing to see here.

Mystique #19:
Another great photorealistic cover, this time by Mike Mayhew. The long-ignored double agent subplot finally comes back to light, with a great cliffhanger ending (I'm dying to see who The Quiet Man is), some good character play with Shortpack, and even some sex. I complained that McKeever didn't have the rhythm and snap that Vaughan had established, and this issue is the first I've seen which takes a step back towards that hipper, more interesting Mystique. Closer, closer still ...

Manhunter #2:
I liked this a bit, but found it just shy of making the jump. The new Manhunter made some smart observations about the pitfalls of the life she's chosen, the ending is amazingly funny (to me, anyway) and shows all kinds of potential liabilities to "normal" people getting masked. Still worth watching.

Nightcrawler #1:
The best single adjective for this issue is "contrived," with Kurt investigating a mass murder by a suspected mutant. Go ahead, think about that. Kurt Wagner is smart, true, and clever and even kind of inquisitive. But he's not a detective. He's not really equipped to walk amongst normal people (with this new XSE/X-Corp authority ... how exactly did that happen?) and get his Columbo on. Was there a public clamor for a boring Nightcrawler (hopefully) mini? Or is it really 1994 all over again?

Astonishing X-Men #5:
I finally found out why this title is called "Astonishing" -- it has under its purview the right to shock and awe people with sheer stupidity and hope Whedon's brilliant scripting can dazzle us enough to accept it. Mission definitely not accomplished. Somebody's back from the dead, their body switched and ... man, it's so stupid, I just can't even type it. Again, Wolverine gets all the best lines (here's a hint: he's the latter-day Spike to Scott as Buffy), Cassaday astonishes with a reaction shot that's simply amazing, and as the trollish retail monkey at the store says, the real primary super power of X-Men is to ignore dying. Plus, in at least two places (where the Cuckoos say Emma's thoughts of Scott during class are "often sweaty and inappropriate" and in the bit about vomit) I swear either Whedon was channeling Warren Elis or the man himself snuck in and wrote some dialogue snippets. I need a drink ...

G.I. Joe #34:
This issue is deep, deep, very deep in Hama-based continuity (I wonder what he thinks of this series). General Joseph Colton, the original G.I. Joe, comes on board to stand in for the paralyzed General Hawk (I know why he needed to be a general, but he was a lot better off as a colonel, in my mind). Cobra is -- again -- trying to get its act together with Destro's gleaming mug leading the way, taking it to the streets (I swear Cobra has secretly taken over every little burg in this freakin' country). As someone so steeped in the lore of the original series that I know six of the ten Zen Letters of Swordsmanship, I can find some vague enjoyment in that. I can't imagine someone not well acquainted with it finding any real appeal -- the goofy charm of flashy characters and subtle laughs (oh, how I loved that intro to the Oktober Guard, "Re-education by superior firepower!" Good times, good times ...) now replaced with a dogged determination to mix spycraft with modern "cool" sensibilities. I can get that when Jennifer Garner comes back on Alias. The wit of the Blaylock issues is gone, and (as I expected to), I miss 'im. Ah well.

Ultimate Elektra #2:
I was very surprised to find myself really liking this more naive Elektra, and the ground floor method of creating her character. Which is as good a time as any to say why I just won't buy Ultimate books, for the most part (with some exceptions, where individual issues were just too good to leave, or in the case of the Ultimates which is largely doing new things). Ultimate Bullseye makes an appearance, with Ultimate Kingpin putting the screws to the Greek mob. That's all fine. A subtle appearance by Ultimate Matt Murdock was handled pretty well also. But this issue, and most Ultimate books, read like a kind of fan fiction. There are, for the most part, hard and fast lines which Ultimate characters cannot cross. When you see the name "Gwen Stacy," you think, "Oh yeah, she'd dead sooner or later." When you see Elektra, now giddy in her newfound prowess, you know her love with Matt is not likely to lead to picket fence fantasies, or even True Lies style intrigue and romance. Knowing that in advance, which holds pretty firm for most Ultimate books, means that no matter how scenic the route, I already know where we're going, and as a reader that's just no fun. Certainly not worth paying for. So, while this was a solid Ultimate issue, it gave me no indication that the safety protocols are off, and we might wander farther than a bit off the road.

Conan #8:
This issue was Born for everybody's favorite Cimmerian, showing how he was literally born on a battlefield. It'd make a great chapter in a larger work, but Young Conan just doesn't thrill me, and his adolescent rival is a really flat character. I'll check in next month to see if more people get whacked.

Elric #1:
As a Moorcock fan, and a Simsonson fan, I really wanted to like this. The story itself, while a little talky, is interesting. However, between the monochromatic coloring and something in the pace of the story ... I just didn't connect. I read it twice, trying to see if it was just me hurrying. Nuh uh. I was susprised that Elric himself wasn't more visually disparate from the rest of the Melniboneans (okay, he was young ... still) and the fact that the whole issue turned out to be a holodeck episode ... I just wasn't there, and I feel bad about that.

Uncanny X-Men #449:
The breathtaking Greg Land cover got me to pick this up. I assume -- as well as his amazing artistic talent -- it's why he's in such high demand. Once I opened this issue, the suckiness went from zero to sixty in an alarmingly short amount of time and panels. I don't know why Viper is here, or why Murderworld hasn't been burned to the ground ... but ... wow, I can't even muster the interest in finishing this review. That's how unimportant this is.

Read Pile Roundup: Man, what an uphill climb ... and what's with all the holodeck references? I haven't seen Star Trek in almost a year.

So, How Was It This Week? A preponderance of stupidity and Mike Carey not making his free throws makes this a down week.

The Buy Pile is a weekly collection of comic reviews done by Hannibal Tabu (www.operative.net), originally published at UGO.com.