NOTE: As I mentally deconstruct the demise of my marriage, I am publishing a series of short essays about things that happened, the way I felt, and so on. It's intended to illustrate my mental state at the time, and provide a kind of chronicle of my emotional state, hopefully helping me not make the same mistakes in future relationships.

5/12/03 2:45 AM: As this blog/column was written under the influence of Sarah McLachlin's "Adia," it seems apropos to quote the relevant parts herein ...

Adia, I do believe I failed you ...
Adia, I know I let you down
Don't you know I tried so hard
to love you in my way?
It's easy let it go ...

Adia, I'm empty since you left me,
tried to find a way to carry on.
Search myself and everyone
to see where we went wrong

there's no one left to finger
there's no one here to blame
there's no one left to talk to, honey
and there ain't no one to buy our innocence

'cause we are born innocent.
Believe me Adia, we are still innocent
it's easy, we all falter ...
does it matter?

Adia, I thought that we could make it
I know I can't change the way you feel.
I leave you with your misery,
a friend who won't betray.
I pull you from your tower,
take away your pain,
show you all the beauty you possess
if you'd only let yourself believe

that we are born innocent
believe me Adia, we are still innocent.
It's easy, we all falter ...
does it matter?

I've been writing a lot about my perspective (there are more Dancing in the Dark columns to be posted). My beef, my feelings in regards to the end of my marriage, et cetera. It's all I can do. I can't accurately represent the point of view of another real person (fictional constructs end up doing what I want them to do most of the time anyway).

My goal is to not villainize Yuri, not to make her out to be some illogical, over-reactionary harridan running away from me when, as William H. Macy said in Wag the Dog, "the fit hits the shan." She's a grown woman, doing the best she can for herself, and that's no crime. She has gotten a series of keywords -- among them boundaries, respect, priorities, expectations -- that are helping her heal and understand what happened.

It's important to say that. There are no villains in this divorce, no bad guys. There are only two people who weren't strong enough, soon enough, and the supporting cast of family and friends who help them through this time. Nothing more to see here, move along.