8/13/04 5:37 AM: "No other course. No other way. No day but today." -- Mimi from Rent.

CLOSER: So I had a dream, and it didn't feature anybody I used to sleep with. I considered that a plus. I was on a kind of mystic journey in it, half awake and half asleep, and it was really muddled. What I do remember is that the ancient Egyptian deity Inpu (Anubis, for the uninitiated) appeared to me looking like Redman (I'd written a story, years ago, where he manifested in such a fashion, so it wasn't that big of a surprise to me), and told me some interesting things. That I already know how to get out of the piddling pickles I find myself in. That I should "answer her pleas," and when I said I couldn't hear them (thinking he meant one person in specific, but in retrospect I'm not so sure), he said, "listen." I woke up feeling much more confident about the direction of my life and what I'm doing. Better than I had in weeks, really. That was, what, Monday, the ninth? It was the least emotionally toxic Monday I've had in some time, which was a plus.

RIP RICK JAMES: I got that in my newspaper, but not in my blog. Just wanted to say it. Mangled "Give It To Me Baby" and nailed "Superfreak" in honor of the funkateer, last Friday night after he died, and my man Craig Sherman did "The Rainbow Connection" in memoriam. Anedge hirak Rick James.

THE LAST OF THE FAMOUS INTERNATIONAL PLAYBOYS: Speaking of super-talented musicians, Morrisey completely rocks. He's funny and grim and depressed and whimsical, all at the same time. I'm super late finding a wide variety of music, including Morrisey, Oasis, Radiohead and a bunch of other stuff. I was talking to somebody recently, saying how little modern "R&B" moves me, because of lyrical simplicity and an almost obvious economic rapaciousness in every note. When I hear Nickelback, or Staind, I don't hear that. I hear people singing things that mean something to them, something they want to tell the world. Songs based in real experiences and emotions. So when I hear somebody like Kem or Jaheim or Anthony Hamilton ... they stand out to me as something amazing. I mean, okay, Mario Winans is like a male Toni Braxton in the first two singles, but he at least feels real, you know (and yes, killer samples help him a lot). Everything Morrisey does is so freaking now, even songs where I know he didn't live the experience (like "The First of the Gang To Die"), it feels right. It makes me wanna do more music.

The only thing I can't make more of is time.

ERRATA: Last time, I wrote that I believed my ex-fiancee Nikia put on some weight. This was only partially true -- seems she's pregnant. Wednesday night, while I was (strangely enough) workshopping a poem that had her name in it (no weirdness, somehow), she was there and heard me, and someone pointed out her pregnancy to me. She was all over a really nice guy I know named Sankofa, so I would assume that would be the father. I really sincerely want the best for both of them, as I harbor no grudge against her (despite what I may have said at the time) and I think he's just a plain swell guy. Just to clear all that up.

THE JUMP SHOT: Still fairly lovely. Just on shootarounds and pick up games, and still a crappy free throw shooter, but still ...

IPOD, THEREFORE I AM: I stopped in at the Apple Store and picked up a really cool white plastic case with a nice removable transparent cover, which I promptly put in my car on my existing Belkin cooling-vent mount and suddenly had my iPod integrated fully into the car. It's glorious. I can see the screen (well, it's a bit opaque, but at night with backlight I can see perfectly), it's out of the way, and fully controllable. I could not be more happy. Plus. I got my cup holder back! Woo hoo! I also picked up a car charger to replace the last one, so I'm fully back in business. Just realized, alas, that I don't have a copy of "Frankly Mr. Shankly" by Morrisey anymore, so gotta fix that. Happy.

THE BIZNESS: So my CBR boss Jonah emailed me last Friday, and said he was gonna mail my check from covering Comicon that day. I said nothing. As of six days later, no check. Now, I don't so much mind if things are late -- I am late sometimes, too, we all have stuff going on. I mind broken promises. I work very hard not to promise very much at all, to avoid just this kind of situation. Don't tell me something is coming when it's not. That sucks my ass.

BEHIND THE MUSIC: Speaking of, there's a rumor going around that my Friday show at Mel's is gonna get cancelled. I got some major complaints about the sound volume last week (a guy even tipped me to turn it down), which begs the question of why the gig if people will resist it. I mean, tonight no fewer than 10 "all star" singers showed up to sing, ordered entrees and drinks, and generally paid for a night of entertainment. At my show last week the numbers were comparable. Three people complained vociferously. I've started to tell my regulars to counter this with letters and statements of compliment, complete with receipts to show that money talks. We'll see how it goes -- I'd hate to lose my show, but it's been a good run if I do.

Which reminds me, gotta do sound for Pete singing Sinatra favorites at a bar mitzvah on Saturday, woo hoo. I'll take that money ...

BIG BROTHER: My youngest brother Chazz got the idea he wanted to make a movie, featuring his toys. I wanted to encourage him. He asked me to send along six action figures, so I packaged up some stuff (including my spare Vehicle Voltron, which is really cool) and (a week late) mailed it to him. He should get it soon, I think. I can check the delivery on line, so I'll probably do that in a day or two. I often feel I'm a really crappy big brother to him, because of distance and my busy schedule. That, sometimes, makes me not so happy. I tried to write him letters for a while, but I'm so universally bad with traditional mail, it just dropped off (the fact that, at the time, it was an idea of my then-wife probably soured it in my brain as well). Bah.

A LITTLE CONVERSATION: I went over to my "cousins'" house -- home of Daniel, Ana and the adorable little Xiomara Ruiz -- and helped (in a largely useless but not actually damaging) way in some of their remodeling. My ulterior motive (I often have one) was to get the DVD burner so I could back up my 100 GB drive when it comes home (it was the backup, but I've been advised to never rely on any one kind of media). Anyhoo, I end up chatting with Ana, who is well known for slicing through BS like a chainsaw through Girl Scouts, about the last few years. I then discover that she doesn't do it to herself -- she's dead set on this view of me that I'm not as evil as I clearly am, something Daniel recognized and accepted years ago. Most women seem to need to believe that, so they can be comfortable and not think a homicidal sociopath is sitting next to their kids. Anyhoo, she believes that my failed marriage made me a better person, and I pointed out empirical evidence that the "changes" she saw as good started long before I met my now-ex-wife (who is way too frequent in my life and thoughts, though thankfully not physically, these days, given I've not spoken to her). It was a funny conversation. Oh, and I forgot to get the god-pounding burner ...

PER SE: Despite some lingering irked-ness about the "equal protection under the law" thing, some wackiness in business and sneering at some people around my poetry scene, and even needing to file a second extension for my 2003 taxes (argh), I still can echo Greg Nice's line: "I feel good, per se, good state of mind." Gonna make sure I watch some movies this weekend, as I'm super behind in getting my cinema on. I also wanna take another session cleaning my car (the air fresheners are dying, and the dog smell is coming back, especially when the car gets hot). Much to do, much to do ...

"Even the wicked get worse than they deserve." -- Willa Cather