12/10/02 1:30 AM PST: God help me, I'm almost chipper.

I've made significant creative advances on the two comic related projects I'm working on. I'm taking one and flipping it -- starting the story as if it were told from a point two years after it begins. I already know where the story is going, why not? Then the other one is just zipping along, so that's cool. Oh, and of course, another chapter of The Crown (too lazy to link it, but you can get to it from the front page).

Doing tons at work -- have scheduled almost through 12/21, am ahead on tons of stuff, feeling really better there. More on that in a moment.

Finally, depsite my vast and powerful loathing of the "traditional" holidays, spent the evening with the mother-in-law, chatting and decorating her tree. Better at her house than mine, and it's a lesson in aggressive tolerance.

I've been told -- by friends, supervisors, even my wife -- that nobody is interested in hearing my "negativity" about ... well, life. I've taken two different tactical roads: I either stopped talking to people (I suspect one of two female co-workers has been ratting me out, and they're friends, so I virtually cut 'em both off), or aggressively lying and pretending to be happy and pleased. I can do the things I need to do in order to maintain my sanity -- embrace my inner jackass and work dilligently to be evil -- and all I have to do to make it acceptable is lie and cover up everything i really am. As long as I spend most of the day looking towards the work computer screen (and not my glorious TiBook, which for some reason does a startup chime and turns down the brightness on every boot ...), I can work ahead and nobody really cares what I'm doing. How Frantz Fanon. Hh.

Moving on ...

12/8/02 11:45 PM PST: If just a few variables change, I've found, I can have a drastically different mood.

It seems that my computer related problem were caused by a bad RAM chip. I will soon look through my emails, find out who those bastards were, and extract horrible vengeance. For the time being, my PowerBook is back in fighting form and that makes me productive. I finished the balloon placements on a comic book project I've been working on forever, and that pleases me. I've been in a pretty down mood for ... hell, almost two weeks, and a victory is a good thing.

Likewise, I've made major headway on a really good side project I'm working on. That's very pleasing to me as well. If cold comforts are the only ones you have ...

Had a few people over, very spontaneously, on a moment's notice on Friday. Good relaxation with friends and wife, so I'm fairly pleased there as well.

No, my abiding hatred for carbon-based life has not changed whatsoever. I'm just not mad every day. Just in case you were wondering.

12/5/02 3:15 PM PST: I'm not built for this world.

Let's, for a moment forget the state of global socio-politics: Saddam, American Idols, AOL losing $52 billion in a quarter. Let's forget all that a moment. Pish posh.

No, let's look at just me (my website, my blog-ish column, why not?). I've been recently cited for having a bad attitude at work. A job that's cut my parking, doubled my workload, changed employee responsibility on a whim, and a score of other tiny injustices (yes, I use serial commas, I believe they make things look cleaner, shut up). Now I'm also expected to act happy to have a job that kicks me in the face every day? That's just great.

There's some personal issues I'm not in the mood to chat about, but those also vex me continually.

I'm trying to get some writing projects off the ground, but I've been stymied by a wonky computer (most likely cause: bad RAM, says an Apple Genius). My collaborators are mired in lives just as insane as mine, and none of us are on anything resembling a schedule. V-E-X-E-D.

However, nobody wants to hear my beefs. Everybody is more than happy with seats of meditative joy (apologies to Virgil). As I re-embrace my own inner jackass, the people I've surrounded myself with are less and less suitable for company.

Anyhoo, I'm healthy, my PowerBook appears to be back on the road, and we have, as of yet, no casualties. I am still having a blast with weekly karaoke (coming soon, The Hannibal Tabu Karaoke Experience: Don't Sing It, Bring It! on bootleg CD), I'm holding my own in fantasy NBA standings (second place, first some days), and ... okay, that's all I have.

Must send out writings and queries. Must work harder. Must not let the morons affect me. Onwards.