The operative, Hannibal Tabu, takes a rare departure from the third person

Whole buncha stuff on the old desk here, so time for another random rant. Get over it if you don’t like it (including you, Jesse Washington, you non-review-paying sumbeyotch). People thought just because I fell in love and isht the reign of terror was over. Think again.

While ago, I made mention of Ms. Toi’s new joint -- remember the fly girl in the rockin’ gear from that group Militia? Well, the group broke up but she’s got an album due out in September (called That Girl, off an April single “You Trick”) and (at least the four cuts I heard) were en fuego baby. Keep an eye out for it ... and be careful tryin’ to hit on her, she rolls with some HUGE brothers who ain’t no joke.

Also, if you’re not bumping Princesses Nubiennes by Les Nubians, Things Fall Apart by the Roots, and still cranking up the cuts off 40 Dayz & 40 Nightz by Xzibit, you are depriving your spirit of some flavor, baby.

This kid Sev Statik is way cool, and has been trying to get me to listen to his stuff online forever. I simply don’t have the time. However, maybe you do, cheap plug inserted here, peep him at http://www.putmeon.com/mix.htm. It looked like there’s a buncha fly underground stuff there, but I really just have way too many web pages to design and stories to write to have the Powerbook on and not be working. Sev, love to the new baby as well.

Speaking of love online, what up to my man J-Smoov and http://www.b-boykingdom.com? You doin’ it baby! Smoov is one of underground west coast hip hop’s best evangelists, and has been putting it down in a number of ways, from Project Blowed and B-Boy Summits to the old days, rockin’ mics at the Good Life. “Just wanna put your name in my rhyme,” as Shock said.

ATM Animated commercials. Check this article from the San Fran Chronicle. No. This must stop. Bad enough the usury highway robbery of ATM fees ($2.35 or so at some malls here), but now my money has to be held until I see a goddamned pitch for a ski trip? What kind of logical, thinking ghetto denizen wants to hurl himself down a mountain with sticks tied to his feet? Damn, people look for ways to work my nerves!

Speaching of thr Chron, damned funny and solid newspaper that it is, they did a story on illegal isht, easily for sale on the internet. Then, David Kelley’s The Practice (great show, Steve Harris is a cool brother as well) did a bit on how you can order gun kits in the mail, and the parts to make ‘em really lethal, and the companies will tell you how. And it’s legal. Now, we here at Damage Control don’t advocate the readers doing this and beginning to systematically massacre law enforcement professionals around the country, but we won’t cry if you do.

That said, the world appears to be going nuts just in time for Y2K. From commandments in school as a response to Littleton to Yourmama.com’s stock IPO rakin’ in 30 mil, things are nuts. Yours truly will be chillin’ behind locked doors with loved ones and cocked firearms, and peeping whether Dick Clark will break on through to the other side.

Next month we will complete the long awaited report on how fucking Madonna will ruin your career. Several bodies had to be dug up, hence the delay. Likewise, we’ll soon be discussing why, even though he’s mad talented and outrageously intelligent, Eminem can fuck off and is the hip hop antichrist, and why, really, Puffy, Master P, and Jay Z have to be stopped from lacing mics with their special brands of wackness ever, ever again. I’m certain some of you won’t like a lot of this.

However, I have a column, and you don’t. Let’s get ready to rumble ...