The operative rolls up his sleeves calmly.
We're at part two of our series on people in hip hop who need to shut the hell up. A while ago, we told a bunch of non-skilled hip hop journalists to make some fries. This time, emcees.
The operative knew that "Get A Job" survey'd come in handy.
Damage Control was started for just this reason. Naming names. Handling business. Mercy killings. With hip hop in the anemic state it's in (with some admitted signs of recovery, keep doin' it Acey/Xzibit/Artifacts!), the three past prizefighters we address this time once were legends, but have subsequently started the long, long slide into wackness.
The operative nods to himself, he must be right.
Heavy D. Dwight Myers was once a skilled lyricist who practically founded "Big Willie-ism." On so many counts, there would be no Bad Boy without Heavy -- guess who put Puffy on, and Bad Boy borrow from Hev's work. Looking at "You Can't See What I Can See" and "Let It Flow," it's tragic to see Hev become superceded by his own progeny. Yes, that was Lil' Kim's style Hev was using on Waterbed Hev, first developed ... from his style. Then, to lose the top spot at Uptown, the only chance a rapper coulda had to make the game work for him ... sad. Hev, for the sake of the listeners, no more garbage like "Big Daddy." Look into other options.
Soul For Real was cute, but any more rhymin,' we've got the liposuction machine set to "vaporize."
LL Cool J. It's an alarming statement about hip hop that some people believe LL had a chance against Canibus' clear lyrical superiority, using the "n" word more than he had in his entire career and yelling.
Something vital died in a skinny kid named James when "I Need Love" started becoming a runaway hit. Light bulbs went off. "I have money," James pondered, "girls are killing themselves to get at me, I can afford a gym ..."
Ever since, only one non-girl related song from LL even came close to the power of "I'm Bad" or "Jack The Ripper" -- "Mama Said Knock You Out" was a distant echo of past glory, the rest was empty weightlifting.
LL -- you're gettin' your act on, dawg, follow the other Mister Smith. Go cinematic. Do you need the operative to dust off his mic and serve you fo' you see your day is over?
Sighing loudly, the operative reluctantly continues.
The final MC we have to ask to step down, we do with great trepidation. Among the best, others were measured by him. Yah, he's improved in metaphor clarity and vocal pitch, but he simply doesn't have the ability to live up to his legacy. The comeback album is ... okay, and it needs to be more than that. For someone with so much dap, it's impossible to be good enough. Lip synched shows have fans coast to coast up in arms ... not to lump you in with the other two losers we spoke to today, god, and with the utmost respect for your legend, Damage Control is forced to request that Rakim never rhyme in public again. Let's have a big ol' party, listen to disc 2 of The 18th Letter, and retire you with a bang, twenty dollars a head. How 'bout it?
Latifah, Wack 10, Q-Tip, Coolio ... y'all survived this time. But we'll get to you ... soon ...
The operative disappears with a swoosh of his cloak ... where'd he get that in the 'hood?
