Thank Ice T for this topic, part one of a two part series on people in the hip hop industry who need to shut the hell up. This ties in to hip hop vs. hip hop industry. But later, man, we said later.
Before any panties get in a bunch, this isn't done with much malice at all. Hip hop is too important to all of us – we hope – to give wackness play, be it in print or on wax. Besides, this is just the opinion of one operative, not Rap Pages itself. So who needs to shut up?
Carlos Nino. Writes mostly on the Left Coast, but has this sing songy prose praise for damned near everything. As well, centering on one kind of music (conscious/eclecto jams, often tinged with carribean or jazz flavors) surely limits him as a one trick pony. Our recommendation: trap him with Too Short for a year practicing how to say "beeeeyotch," or lock 'im in a sensory deprivation tank with Missy, naked.
Michael Gonzales. A regular Vibe blab, this muffinhead busts this alleged "Jeru piece" for Rap Pages last year, where fools shipped his corny ass all the way to London to peep steelo. He comes back with esoteric mumbo jumbo BS, eight paragraphs that mention 'Ru about 3/4 of the way in, so bad ?uestLove had to fix thangs a few issues later with rilla dilla on the Damaja. Check the rhyme, his fluff babbles. A lot. Yo, Mike, can you spell "thesis," you wack salamander? Go teach poetry somewhere and step off.
dream hampton. The operative rubs his hands togethet cackling Where to begin? Should we start with the rented Lex she allegedly wrecked with a Pharcyde member a few years ago when in LA for a convention? Or perhaps rumored affairs with two present day iconic corpses that got her "exclusive stories?" No, how about how she – for one moment in time – almost ruined the house Sheena built, inciting death threats left and right (which are vaguely understandable from the 'bout it artist in question, we'd have been cool wit dat)? When asked why she got into this kind of writing, she said, "I would listen to Rakim and Heavy when I was in Detroit growing up, and I just wanted to be involved, to talk about it." Like a groupie. And from personal experience and numerous bicoastal sources, she's a hoodrat skeeza groupie with the ear of the big ticket magazines. Besides, what kinda corny ee cummings ass nigga doesn't use capitals just because they heard bell hooks did it? In that some East Coast headz already wanna pimpslap this histrionic hooker, consider this a "go'head" -- we'd enjoy a red palmprint on her goony yellow mug!
Are there more? Ooooooh yeah. We got room? Nah. These, however, are probably the loudest, most obnoxious, most irritating writers in all of hip hop (despite numerous requests to attack him, the operative stands by Buc Wild as one funny mofo, and just like C is for cookie, that should be good enough for yo' ass). If y'all wanna get legal, this is an opinion piece which has legally dissed yo' ass, cry to yo' mama and shut the hell up. Beeeeyotch.
The operative nods to himself, he must be right
Next month, taking aim at some rappers who need to stop rapping for the sake of quality, such as (at least) Wack 10, the unattacked Mr. Smith, Ice T, Heavy D, Coolio, Mobb Deep, AZ, Ice Cube, and (this hurts to say) ... Rakim and Q-Tip. See you then!
Under a flurry of flaming arrows, the operative snickers in his flame retardant MC superarmor
