Welcome to Stage Presence 101. If you're wack and needed Elementary Lyrics or Damn, I Need To Get a Real Job, you're in the wrong classroom.

The purpose of this class is to stop boring shows that get on the nerves of, well, everybody. The basic set up of a concert, for instance, is a DJ/band in the background and as many lyricists as the group has wandering around the stage itself. Now, this can either be extremely interesting, extremely corny, or extremely boring. Let's look at some examples of all three.

The operative cues up the slide projector

Here we have Run-DMC in concert, arguably among the best at this sort of thing. They would move in pre-arranged places and times, and utilize facial expressions and gestures to dramatize their lyrics. They also had a great deal of interaction with the DJ, which further gave them the "classical" show. Some people discount this "old school" approach, so we'll have more on the good stuff later, we need to address ...

The operative flips slides

... "extremely corny." We have Ahmad performing live at USC in LA a few years ago. Note the folding chair with letters draped across them saying "store" or some dumb stuff like that. Note how he acts out an armed robbery, using water pistols and badly choreographed extras. Note how it negatively affects his verbal delivery, which was already on the iffy side. We wanna avoid this BS, class.

The operative flips to a shot of a February '98 Unity at the Hollywood Palace

Now, here we have extremely boring. We should stop for big ups to Bigga B and Orlando for the phat underground shottie Unity, alas plagued with shut down venues and police problems. Anyway, you see a group we really like, Mood from Cincinnati. Note that they move aimlessly around the stage, they have no real differences in emphasis, and they scream into the mic. This is important: if you scream into the mic (wake up Bahamadia, Guru, Whoridas, and the rest of you knuckleheads in the back), your words take on a monotone that will tune out anybody who doesn't know the song. Lots of people don't know your stuff. Work with them. Grip the mic like so ...

The operative grabs the mic just below the spit guard, keeping half the mic tip exposed

... and hold it approximately six inches from your grill, speaking with projection but not at the top of your voice. It'll help your show and your long term career. What did you say, D.O.C.? Oh, never mind. (Editorial Note: Special commendation to Mos Def, performing at the May Hip Hop 101 Show sponsored by the Wake Up Show, who went over this very topic -- keep up the good work lyrically, going more dancehall was the flavor you needed, kid!)

The operative flips slides again, yawning a bit

Here we have Goodie MoB, an excellent performing group. See them move in a synchronized circle, not dancing but grooving, the lyricist for that verse in front on "Cell Therapy." Very nice.

Flip slide

Here's De La Soul, splitting the crowd into factions and using old school sounds to hype them up. Funny, Posdnous' side is always louder in any show the operative attends. Oh well. Ditto this Common show at the Roxy, with excellent crowd control.

In closing, since Lisa Nicole Carson is waiting for the operative for a romantic lunch at Roscoe's (not that phony one by Jack London Square in Oakland), 1) use proper mic technique, 2) don't scream, 3) rehearse, 4) try to dramatize your lyrics with gestures and expressions, but save the props and drama, 5) if you can't dance, don't do it (wake Puffy up back there), just kinda get a subtle groove on (extra credit to Goodie, y'all get to go on to graduate school), and 6) have good songs and don't be wack ... oh, forgot, that's another class.

The operative rings the bell

Class dismissed, and remember ... let's be careful out there!