With great regret and sorrow, the Trustees of the Soul Review Board have handed down the following proclamation:

The operative reads aloud

"Will. Smith. Must. DIE!"

Not since the 1994 order for the head of Tupac has such a smarmy, self absorbed, overindulged cretin besmirched the name of hip hop so bad an operative was ordered to smoke his brother. Normally, a simple firebombing or a thorough beating would suffice. Let's examine the crimes that called for such a harsh sentence.

A) On MTV, Will Smith said that he was returning to rap music to give a "higher vocabulary" to the genre and save it from the "ebonic plague." This particularly galled the Commissioner, who noted every cent Mr. Smith (with all due apologies to James Todd, who isn't all he used to be, come to think of it ...) has made was from his trendy interpretations of Ebonics (i.e. the speech patterns of Black youth 13-29).

B) While on the subject of Mr. Smith's "success," we need acting lessons for the brah or a different selection of scripts. While some actors can take one complex character and morph it into different perspectives and performances with excellent results (Poitier, Eastwood, Eartha Kitt, Nicholson, et cetera), Mr. Smith has merely perpetuated a stereotype: The Fresh Prince of Rap, the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, the Fresh Prince of 6 Degrees of Separation, the Fresh Prince of Bad Boys, the Fresh Prince of Independence Day, the Fresh Prince of Men in Black ...

C) Several members of the Chosen have reported that they have an issue with taking Jada Pinkett "off the market," in that they were planning to ask the sister to marry them (singly, not together). However, there are backroom reports that, baby and marriage be damned, Sister Jada likes to partake of fish tacos, as was noted when she rolled deep to an LA Roots concert with MC Lyte (how you treatin' Tichina Arnold, boo?), Cree Summer, Jasmine Guy, and more as a pre-Spice grrl gang. In any case, playerhatred towards Mr. Smith's romantic flavor is at an all time high.

D) There are, according to Harry Knowles' movie rumors page at http://www.aint-it-cool-news.com, discussions of a Bad Boys 2 (with a lessened presence for Mar'in, everybody's favorite butt naked gun-wielder), ID4 2, and several other Will-Powered sequels of dubious merit. Okay, maybe your man runs the summer on the screen, but come on ...

E) The video for that insipid "Crusin" song, a la Shaq, where cars turn into planes, like he's all super heroic ... 't'ain't no movie! If it ain't in the lyrics, peeps ain't havin' none of that, son!

F) ... and while on the topic of lyrics, the Soul Review Board's Brother Inpu Ka Mut requested to be quoted: "Give Rakim back his flow!" And now that said flow has been gnawed upon and salivated over by Mr. Smith for an uncanny amount of time, it will not be in the same condition as it once was ... 'nuff said, true believer.

G) And possibly most egregious of all, in the tacky "MIB" single, "don't fear us, cheer us, if you ever get near us ..." yadda yadda yadda ... is or is not that line stylistically carbon dated circa 1989? Kane has requested that it be returned to his archives, which were secretly robbed by black garbed individuals ...

So, in conclusion, for the crime of mocking the community, being endlessly tacky, having only the most soggy of bitten rhyme skills and generally being up in the operative's face too much, the result will be not only verbal lambasting whenever possible and an assasination planned, but the final verdict of being re-stapled to siamese twin Martin Lawrence will be decided on before Mr. Smith's next film.

The operative bangs a gavel