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Saturday, April 24, 2010

I bet you think this poem's about you (National Poetry Writing Month)

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This morning, I was asked if I'd post some sensitive details about someone I know. I had to refuse, and suddenly understood some things people had said about my writing. That, of course, led to this ...
When I was younger, I was fearless.

Talk about a thug rapper's momma
in front of his concert,
Surrounded by all of his boys.

Stand in front of Parker Center
with a picket sign
showin' Daryl Gates
sodomizing Bernie Parks
and dare somebody to say something.

If "AM" and "sunshine" went together
it was time to go to bed after
switching lanes suddenly
90 miles per hour
4AM on 405,
literally acting a fool.

Now there are quiet Saturday mornings
catching up on streamed TV shows
baby strapped to my chest.
Standing in dance performance aisles
to catch slivers of six-year-old smiles.
In bed before 11 on a Friday night.

I don't mind talk about me going soft.
Same stuff stays in my trunk,
still never sit with back to any door.

Closing open door policy on my life.
Details about dramas get delivered nowhere,
hard to grow up under stage lights
relative privacy a gift for the present.

It's not fear.
It's a healthy respect.
It's having people around.

So my blog becomes insular
my poetry less revealing
a sacrifice taken from art
given to tomorrow.

"The Curtain Falls"
by Hannibal Tabu

See ya tomorrow, we're in the home stretch now.

Playing (Music): "Bottle It Up" by Sara Bareilles

NOTE: Since this blog is automatically imported into my Facebook page, I apologize if you comment on it and I don't respond, as I am taking a sabbatical from social networking for 2010. So me not responding is not personal, I just won't see the comments ... until 2011. Maybe. Also including this disclaimer on blogs, but you're welcome to go to the blog itself and speak your mind, as I
may look there ...

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Thursday, April 22, 2010

Burning Candles at Both Ends, and in the Middle (National Poetry Writing Month)

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Oy.

I wanna write something that's not a haiku or a tanka. For real.

However, I'm baked like a ham soaked in honey. Tuesday night I was up late with a work thing, deploying a website and making sure nothing was on fire. Wednesday night I was up late with work, the weekly comic book reviews. Tonight I'm up late with a work thing, deploying a content management and version control system and verifying that everything works the way it should. I was up all day, being perky and cheery, as I took my stepdaughter to my office for Take Our Daughters And Sons To Work Day, which had so much hilarity it deserves its own blog. I've got a dentist appointment at 11AM tomorrow.

Dude. Be happy with a freakin' haiku or tanka. Here goes.
Who are these people?
Hugs, warm milk, songs. They love me!
... who are these people?

"The Seeming Flow of Thoughts Based On My Newborn's Expressions"
By Hannibal Tabu
I'm out like Ugly Betty's nephew. Well, not exactly like that ... "not that there's anything wrong with it ..."

Let's just move on.

Playing (Music): "Gold Digger" by the cast of Glee

NOTE: Since this blog is automatically imported into my Facebook page, I apologize if you comment on it and I don't respond, as I am taking a sabbatical from social networking for 2010. So me not responding is not personal, I just won't see the comments ... until 2011. Maybe. Also including this disclaimer on blogs, but you're welcome to go to the blog itself and speak your mind, as I may look there ...

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Saturday, April 17, 2010

Manly Rites of Passage (National Poetry Writing Month)

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No time to chat! Let's get down to business ...
Polo shirt hangs at a funny angle,
Chest of arms logo from his elementary school
practically on his shoulder.
He holds out crumpled bills
with head held high
lips parted slightly
as only the young or the innocent can.

His father's hand
comes down slowly,
Like a VTOL jet landing in field of eggshells
a proud pat of reassurance
right above that logo.

Identical tapered fades,
smaller footsteps matching bigger ones
he's learning how to be like daddy
one cut at a time

"Little Man"
By Hannibal Tabu

Let's do this again tomorrow, yes?

Playing (Music): "Where We Gotta Be" (live at Temple Bar) by Brig Feltus

NOTE: Since this blog is automatically imported into my Facebook page, I apologize if you comment on it and I don't respond, as I am taking a sabbatical from social networking for 2010. So me not responding is not personal, I just won't see the comments ... until 2011. Maybe. Also including this disclaimer on blogs, but you're welcome to go to the blog itself and speak your mind, as I
may look there ...

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Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Keep on keepin' on (National Poetry Writing Month)

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Not so happy that I blanked on yesterday's poem until after dinner. Today, more discipline!

Also, I have noted that the dangerous Nikki Blak has picked up the pace after falling off for nearly a week, and is pounding out some powerful new pieces. I may have a piece every day, but even I'll admit some are not that strong (while I am extraordinarily proud of the T'chaka and Bizarro pieces, and some of the other pieces, like the wife haikus, are not bad at all). Anyway, here's today ...
Newborns don't take days off.

Infants never call in sick.
You won't find they left early
or drifted in after they were due to start.
They work long hours
sleeping, pooping, spitting up
reaching for things,
wiggling farther than you expect
interjecting coos and cries in moments of silence.

There were too many times
when I showed up for what I felt mattered
coasting through passage of mundane days
figuring that doing all right made it all right.

A sliver of tomorrow's an excellent reminder
of importance of Tim Duncan diligence.
Stepping up your game every day
because replays are on screen,
do-over is for kids or Sunday afternoons
adulthood is a one-way street.

Two sets of hands reach with every cry in the night.
Everybody works, nobody quits.
The life that everybody asks for,
worth every second
every day,
every single day.

"Non Stop"
by Hannibal Tabu
More tomorrow!

Playing (Music): "Lovesjoy" by Jason Luckett

NOTE: Since this blog is automatically imported into my Facebook page, I apologize if you comment on it and I don't respond, as I am taking a sabbatical from social networking for 2010. So me not responding is not personal, I just won't see the comments ... until 2011. Maybe. Also including this disclaimer on blogs, but you're welcome to go to the blog itself and speak your mind, as I
may look there ...

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Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Ack ack ack ack ack! (National Poetry Writing Month

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Thought I was gonna fall off, huh? It's still Tuesday, fool! Let's go!

*Hannibal slumps over*

How did I actually forget this all day? Stupid life ...

Okay ... lessee ... ooh, this came up at dinner ...
Can't learn nothing and something at the same time.

Seemingly simple sentiment for a six-year-old
got wheels turning like Journey put 'em in the sky
as African-influenced consciousness
chafes at shackles of westernized dichotomal toggle switch.

Both/and feel more right than either/or
meditation proves how much can enter empty minds
but all the highfalutin' sophistry
won't help bandanna'ed first grader
get the point.

Tight rope of black-and-white absolutism
stands in contrast to shades of gray life
but satire seems serious
the impossible's just out of reach
and horizons seem much farther away for her.
There is a deeper world than this,
but it won't be tugging at her hand
tonight.

I stick to the point,
Tell her to pick a side
and script the apology I'll owe her in her twenties.

"What did you learn in class today?"
by Hannibal Tabu
Moving on ...

Watching (Hulu): 24 8:00 AM-9:00 AM

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Friday, February 5, 2010

That looks familiar ...

One of my favorite columnists is Jon Carroll of the San Francisco Chronicle. From politics to the circus, dinner parties to rock and roll, his writing knows no bounds and he can do things inside of 600 words that can make your head spin. He's lived an amazing life and has great stories to tell with a great perspective.

However, he is not for all people. For example: he often writes columns about his cats. I hate the columns about his cats. I never read them anymore, even though I'll admit some grander truths sometimes lie within. I just can't make myself do it. I hate cats and I hate cat columns. Carroll recognizes this, and often warns readers who hate his cat columns (and there are a number of them, sometimes vocal) before he leaps into things.

I think I'm gonna be that way about parenting. I'm going to write about it. Sure, I'll still write about technology and flash fiction and comic books and what have you, but fatherhood and husbandhood will slip in. This may not be what some of my readers are here for, but to be honest, I'm writing more for me than anything, to get this stuff out of my head (stories and all). So lump it if you don't like it. Here's another parenting bit:

Remember when I said that my new daughter Ella does this weird thing, where she puts her thumb between her middle and index finger, just like I did when I was little? I would sit like that, sometimes sucking the thumb through the fingers but more often not. Well, here's what the latest iteration looks like ...

Just like me ...
Photo by Supa Sista Designs

She does it mostly when she's hungry, but that's what her version looks like. Funny, to this day, I still find the gesture comforting. Weird coincidence ... but a remarkable one.

Playing (Music): "Daddy's Home" by Usher

NOTE: Since this blog is automatically imported into my Facebook page, I apologize if you comment on it and I don't respond, as I am taking a sabbatical from social networking for 2010. So me not responding is not personal, I just won't see the comments ... until 2011. Maybe. Also including this disclaimer on blogs, but you're welcome to go to the blog itself and speak your mind, as I
may look there ...

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Thursday, January 28, 2010

The Night Shift

My daughter Ella was, at best, reluctant to join us out here in what we laughingly refer to as society. Twenty days past her due date, a Cuban surgeon pulled her from a blood-covered incision in my wife to bring this diaphanous angel to us, still enjoying the protection of vernix and fairly a little surprised to be sucking down oxygen with the rest of humanity while 2009 was still churning on down the tachyon-strewn road of time.

She's still not adjusted to what most people consider a normal circadian rhythm. She sleeps about eighteen hours a day, but sometimes chooses to make the waking hours in the dead of the night. "Just like her father," my brain tossed up at 3:30 AM one night, remembering the years and years of nocturnal activity, sitting up writing or watching Star Trek reruns, navigating the digitally hazy streets of Vice City or simply staring into the crisp void of a blackened sky. Unfortunately, many nights this burden falls on my wife, who wakes up to breastfeed our littlest girl and try to comfort the furrowed brow back to something resembling slumber.

Fun side fact: when I was little, I'd place my thumb between my index and middle finger a lot, sometimes sucking it, sometimes just sitting around with my hand that way. Turns out that whenever she's hungry or eating, Ella does the same. Weirdest damned thing. Wonderful, though.


Somebody's not ready to sleep just yet ...

However, there are nights when my wife can't take it, and I gladly leap into service. I have, as many would suspect, a method. Since Ella responded to both motion and me singing very, very early, I set up my wife's iPod docking station next to my black leather recliner in the living room -- a wide open expanse of hard wood and earth tones -- I tended to cradle Ella in the crook of my arm, parallel to the floor, and "walk it out."

"... cause you know, I can't live without my radio ..."

Moving slowly but rhythmically, I moved in a lazy oval (I learned sharp turns slowed down her path to sleep) around the living room, often singing in a low voice so there was less concern about my voice carrying (very different from my karaoke hosting days) and more about the vibrations of my voice in my torso, sticking to my lower register as much as possible. I have literally sang every song I know to this girl -- "As" by Stevie Wonder, "The Scientist" by Coldplay, "My Girl" by the Temptations, "Smile Like You Mean It" by The Killers, "Raspberry Beret" by Prince, "Alone" by Heart, "Hold My Hand" by Sean Paul and Keri Hilson, plus so many more -- and learned that I know far fewer songs by heart than I thought I did (rap songs, sadly, didn't do anything for her). If the music's playing, even an instrumental, sure, I can pick up the thread and sing probably fifty or sixty songs ... but in the silent coolness of a winter night, sleep-addled size twelve slippers treading along a hardwood floor, my knowledge is considerably less comprehensive.

Hence the iPod. At first, I had music playing through my phone's earpiece as I sang along (which immediately upped the number of songs I could pull off geometrically) but I realized the ambient nature of the sound helped, as Ella was used to the swishing and sloshing of her mother's innards performing their duties, sustaining life, and the unnatural quiet of the world was sensory deprivation that distracted.

"Why not just sing the same songs over and over?" Good question. The answer: I tried that. Much like her father (again), hearing the same song (or even snippets of the same song, as "Hard" by Rihanna got stuck in my head for almost a week, and I kept interpolating riffs of that, which made her live up to her nickname, Fuss) too often can annoy. Her sister Mooch? That girl can hear the same song, over and over, for ... heck, probably days on end, and she's fine with it. Mooch drove my wife nuts with "We Will Rock You" because it's on some commercial ... which I didn't realize until after I put it on Mooch's playlist in my iPod.

But we digress ...

So there I am, mostly after 3AM (and unfortunately often on nights before I have to work in the morning), I've been making my orbit of empty space, humming and singing along to mostly jazz, slower alternative rock and soul music. As Ella settles down, I am not so confident I could safely lay her back down in the bassinet (sp?) and get back in bed without taking precious moments of rest from my wife. I've found it easier to just grab a couple of these "throw" blankets populating the living room, sit down in the recliner, prop a pillow under whichever elbow is supporting Ella's head, lean the chair back and keep humming until I fall asleep myself. My phone nearby (and Mooch waking up and wandering in as sunlight sneaks through the blinds) has kept me from dangerously oversleeping so far, and I actually spent many nights conked out in this chair after a session of Grand Theft Auto, so I don't even mind. and it's a little thing that I have with my new daughter, something I can cherish and embarrass her with as a story when she's at her rehearsal dinner.

There's baba's little angel ...

I thought that taking a "normal" job and giving up my night life working schedule (save still doing comics reviews on Wednesday nights) would mean an end to my enjoyment of the quiet of night. Thanks to my new daughter, I have an all new joy in the period when the earth turns away from the sun, and it only cost me a little coherency and my seratonin/melatonin balance ...

"... I can't get to sleep ... I think about the implications ..."

Playing (Music): "Taking Chances" from the first volume of the Glee soundtrack

NOTE: Since this blog is automatically imported into my Facebook page, I apologize if you comment on it and I don't respond, as I am taking a sabbatical from social networking for 2010. So me not responding is not personal, I just won't see the comments ... until 2011. Maybe. Also including this disclaimer on blogs, but you're welcome to go to the blog itself and speak your mind, as I
may look there ...

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