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Blog Fu: The 36th Chamber of Shaolin

Posted in business, history, music, science, society, sports, technology, warfare on July 30th, 2009 by Hannibal Tabu

“… if you ain’t hip to the rare house quake, shut up, already … damn!”

- I’ve been increasingly concerned about increases in the crazification factor of people wandering around in what I indulgently will refer to as “western society.” I’ve read recently about a 23-year-old pregnant woman found dead with (hang on) the baby cut out of her stomach.

Then there’s the Texas death row inmate convicted of stabbing his wife and baby to death, ripping their hearts out, and while waiting for his first trial (brace yourself) plucking out his own right eye and eating it before being considered “clearly ‘crazy,’ but he is also ’sane’ under Texas law,” or so Judge Cathy Cochran wrote in a 14-page statement accompanying the court’s brief order. Worst of all, he was Black. Like we needed that on our tally …

Speaking of Texas, don’t forget the woman who dismembered her newborn baby with a knife and two swords (wouldn’t expect a baby to put up that much of a fight) before eating parts of his body and brain before failing to kill herself.

Oddly enough, the one that bothered me the most is the 51-year-old mother who took her teenaged son hiking, waited until he was looking at scenery and then shot him to death, first in the head and then in the chest before eating a bullet herself. This after methodically disposing of a family pet, calmly buying the gun and composing a lengthy suicide note … that gave no reason why the boy had to die.

Now, anybody who’s ever read my work can attest to the fact that I have no overly sentimental attachment to life, human or otherwise. Death happens. I don’t think it’s a big deal. I once told someone that the only crime I couldn’t get my brain around was rape. Theft, sure, all day, makes sense, get yours. Murder? Well, yeah, there are times I can see people considering that the best choice. But these killings … I don’t get it. I’m nowhere near crazy enough to see the line of thinking that leads to these behaviors. Moreover, with the eye guy (who looks strangely like he could be related to Chris Brown, IMNSHO), the amount of focus you have to have to block out the make-you-pass-out levels of pain from plucking out your own eye, and then staying conscious through the shock and bleeding long enough to eat it … that’s the stuff of nightmares, in my mind. All this “oh, some people got shot” or “she ran them down with her car” stuff is pansy by comparison. I can’t even write stuff this bananas. So that’s been haunting me for a few days …

- At least they didn’t have sex with a horse … repeatedly.

- In completely unrelated news, UCLA will no longer allow the three-times-a-year Undie Run. This “tradition” started after I was long done with college, and involved the students of Cal State Westwood to boot, so I’d never even gotten close to it. But it seemed like a fun and largely harmless thing (what’s a few arrests, assaults and a burglary between friends?), so I’m almost sad to see it go in that it makes the city marginally less whimsical.

- Back to people getting killed, this at least made me laugh like a silly bastard: Cracked’s Five Real Life Soldiers Who Make Rambo Look Like a P***y. The Finnish sniper was fantastic, but the 19-year-old Yogreva Singh Yadav and US candidates Alvin York and Audie Murphy just made me giggle like a schoolgirl on E. All the fancy training, all the skills one can amass, and the second you find somebody who wants it more and catches you at the right time, boom, you’re in a bag. Ask those Soviet or Pakistani or German soldiers. Hilarity.

- Apparently, due to science and da intanet and what have you, women are getting statistically more beautiful in the US while men remain pretty much as we always were. Yeah, okay. I’ve got no argument there.

- How cool is the idea of transparent aluminum? Aside from the idea of a wrap you can cook in and see through, it apparently “created is a completely new state of matter nobody has seen before,” said Oxford University Department of Physics Professor Justin Wark. “Transparent aluminium is just the start. The physical properties of the matter we are creating are relevant to the conditions inside large planets, and we also hope that by studying it we can gain a greater understanding of what is going on during the creation of ‘miniature stars’ created by high-power laser implosions, which may one day allow the power of nuclear fusion to be harnessed here on Earth.” Now that’s cool.

- I don’t need to go into the Skip Gates thing — I’ve long said Yankee Black folk are way too comfortable with their fancy “freedom,” and need to be more strategic. No, I’m more bothered by the Nuttworld case where a Black man got hit in the face by a piece of wood-wielding white guy on a Bay Area street, and the eyewitness didn’t think to report it. Plus le change, plus le meme chose, fool.

- I am bothered, however, by how often I have to tell Black people that the great pyramids were not and could not have been built by slaves. Let alone that the only large influx of people into dynastic Egypt (Kemet) were not poor desert wanderers looking for freedom, but bloodthirsty invaders, so quash that theory as well. From non-Black people, this seems fairly predictable in a sad, mass-media-and-Charlton-Heston-influenced way. From Black people? It’s a tragedy, IMNSHO, to have so little regard for your own roots. Admittedly, this was an area of fairly intensive study for me, but still …

- Speaking of Africa, I’m consistently bothered by the fact that the continent is apparently connected to the net via an extension cord looped through the Nigerian equivalent of Pookie’s back window, especially because of how often it stops working. I need to find out what’s at the “good” end of that cable, and it’s hard to do since the official site looks like it was coded in 1997. Oy.

- Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not really out to get you. A military coup planned by Dubya’s granddad? Scientologists raiding the IRS? Explosion-proof Hitler? Cracked also noted seven insane conspiracies that actually happened including the tragic fate of Guy Fawkes (one day, I wanna write an alternative history story where he succeeded).

- Foxes in Germany steal shoes — pass it on.

- To celebrate his induction into the Baseball Hall of Fame, please enjoy the wit and wisdom of Rickey Henderson.

- I need to check out Street Sweeper Social Club, which is made up of Rage Against The Machine’s Tom Morello and the illustrious and praiseworthy leader of The Coup, Boots Riley. There’s also a new free song for download I wanna check out from Goapele.

- I guess this and this mean I’m never gonna get the $200 I was owed from that Luniz review I did while Jesse Washington was editor.

- I love taking a nap.

- To be honest, I don’t have a lot of the so-called 100 Essential Skills for Geeks … but I know some people who do. Those people are extraordinarily useful to know.

That’s more than enough for now, and my blog-fu file still has literally hundreds of links. Whee!

Playing (Music): “Cornbread” by Freestyle Fellowship

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