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Life: The Shape Of My Heart

Posted in bad ideas, blame society, family, fatherhood, randomness, shameless pandering, torch-passing on May 20th, 2013 by Hannibal Tabu
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As of this writing, I am at a medical facility, torso covered with electricity-enabled adhesives. I am told that I have a “ventricular arrythmia,” an irregular heartbeat based in the rough neighborhoods of my cardiac city.

WHAT? Yeah, it freaks me out too. I was among the healthiest people I know. No booze, no cigarettes, no red meat. Fairly regular walks and what have you. Fairly low sodium intake. Weird.

On Sunday, I got out of bed to get my youngest some almond milk. I felt my heart beating like it did when the regional spelling bee was on the line, but I had no immediate reason to be nervous. Ignoring it, I went about my day — lugging things down from the attic, packing, parenting, et cetera. Even saw a great Eccleston Doctor Who episode (I’m late to the party). At 11 PM, lying down to sleep, my heart jumped and jagged like a car engine that’s threatening to stall. I asked my wife to put her hand on it, causing her to run for the girls’ stethoscope. “You need to go to the hospital.”

Getting rushed past the waiting crowd was weird, but in I went for chest x-rays, EKGs and more to discover something, somthing that may have been there for years, was awry in the core of me. Something new, past the regular misanthropy and madness.

An overnight stay on atavan gave scant slivers of sleep. An afternoon angiogram is on the agenda, while my non-stop job will have to churn on without me, maybe for a month, if one cardiologist is to be believed.

SERIOUSLY, WHAT????? The bottom line is I’ll be okay. It’s very early detection, it’s “wholly fixable” and everybody here is treating it like a simple instance. I’ll be home with my ladies this weekend.

What’s funniest is that 90 percent of the things they thought would be the cause — smoking, fried foods, drinking, et cetera — were not relevant. My cholesterol and blood pressure are fine. Ditto blood sugar, and there are no signs of infections or foreign biohazards. Only worry — which I absorb through waves of second hand stress from half the people I know — stood as a red flag. I will have to try more exercise to offset the toxic energies floating around me.

Mostly it’s just a random accident of chance, the spin of some cosmic roulette wheel. Funny old life.

JUST IN CASE: There is a mathematically insignificant chance that something untoward might happen to me. If that’s the case, I want all my intellectual property turned over to Chinedum Ofoegbu (my wife has the passwords), and for his work on my work to be overseen by Vince Moore, Geoffrey Thorne and Brandon Easton. Any and all gross profits are to be divided evenly between my daughters, returning 45 percent of said profits to Ofoegbu, Thorne and Easton.

Not that any of us expect this to happen ..

DING! DING! DING! DING! DING! Since 1 AM, a loud chime from a Phillips Intellivibe heart monitr has relentlessly sounded whenever my heart does something unusual, or I think about …

  • my numerous writing deadlines, as I am poised on the precipice of greatness but with little time to achieve it
  • my day job
  • moving
  • money
  • making sure my daughters will be okay
  • making sure my overworked wife will be okay
  • why the end of the modern Battlestar Galactica sucked SO MUCH!

… as it does now. A head-splitting reminder of my inability to relax. 20 percent charge on my iPad, heading for traffic and dye in my arteries, I’m just trying to breathe easily and become still waters, so I can flow to refresh my wife and daughters — and hopefully you — for many decades to come.

… BUT IF ONE WERE SO INCLINED … If you have a jones to do something to help me, you could use the Gumroad link and buy copies of my novels, The Crown: Ascension or Faraway, as most of that money goes right to me (well, right into feeding my kids anyway). If you own it, buy a copy for a friend. All good.

Now, to try to get Netflix going on my phone …

Playing (Music): “I’m Ready” by Tracy Chapman

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Politics: Evil To Him Who Evil Does

Posted in 104, bad ideas, blame society, entertainment, family, freedom, politics, randomness, warfare on December 5th, 2012 by Hannibal Tabu
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Re: Homeland Season 2, Episode 10.

Huge, huge SPOILER ALERT, and I’m sorry if you haven’t seen it.

In all seriousness, if you haven’t seen the show and want to, you should stop here. I’ll give you some space before I continue …

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Yes, I understand the irony of the above image, that’s why I chose it.

Anyway, notorious international “terrorist” Abu Nazir has taken the CIA’s craziest analyst, Carrie Mathison, captive for reasons that are not really important for what we’re discussing here. He asked her if she carries the same dedication he and his followers do. That discussion, as quoted, follows:

CARRIE: “Whatever it takes.”

NAZIR: “Really? With your pension plans & organic foods? Your beach houses & sports clubs? Do you have the perseverance, the tenacity, the faith? Because we do. You can bomb us, starve us, occupy our holy places, but we will never lose our faith. We carry god in our hearts, our souls. To die is to join him. It may take a century. Two centuries, three centuries … but we will exterminate you.”

CARRIE: “Like I said. You’re a terrorist.”

Is it bad that a very horrible part of me wanted Abu Nazir to respond, “I prefer to think of myself as a teacher …” in that moment?

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What Israel is doing to the Palestinians is wrong. The support afforded to them by the United States is wrong. Hate engenders hate. When the oppressed respond with hate, it’s just where they are in their stage of development, especially if the boot of oppression remains on or even near their neck. When their wrongs have been redressed — and please don’t try to talk to me about the idea Palestine has not been wronged, like the Serbs were wronged, like the Jews were wronged, like the Africans were wronged, like the Tasmanians were wronged and so on, down the line — then maybe they can begin to heal, maybe they can begin to collectively forgive.

Also, please understand that I am not saying it is right for children to be killed — by bombs from the Israeli forces or as sacrifices and suicide bombs. Both are equally wrong. The methods used by both sides are deplorable, the guilt is shared equally and I am embarrassed for the portion of my tax dollars spent furthering this conflict. I’d hope I’ve made that abundantly clear since few of us ever really get to be “innocent.”

As for the sentiments of Abu Nazir, in the words of Chris Rock, “I’m not saying I condone it … but I understand.”

Spirit knows I understand.

Watching (Television): Homeland, “Broken Hearts”

yeah, I know, the Department of Homeland Security will be all over this blog like Lindsay Lohan over a line of coke … such is life under Ingsoc …

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Poetry: “… sweet sounds, coming down …” [#napowrimo2012]

Posted in bad ideas, creativity, culture, haiku, inspiration, masochism, napowrimo, poetry, randomness, sleep, writing on April 28th, 2012 by Hannibal Tabu
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I need to do a comic piece Monday …

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Quiet dark around
Monitor light, keys tapping
Churn out tomorrow

”Haiku: The Night Shift for Writers”
By Hannibal Tabu

Tomorrow, I’ll be live on Sunday Morning Live talking about the 20th anniversary of the LA uprisings after the Rodney King verdicts, as well as doing a pre-recorded segment of tech talk and culture commentary. Just so ya know …

Playing (Music): “Sweet Sixteen” by Destiny’s Child

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