I wrote this bit of flash fiction and realized I read a lot of children’s books …
Taking off the stovepipe hat, the huge feline shook himself awkwardly, standing on two legs. The inside of the surveillance van was small, but one of his red-jumpsuited partners bumped into him trying to remove, as he said, “these infernal onesies.”
A shrill tone sounded and the cat reached over and picked up a black satellite phone, extending the antenna to activate it, putting the call on speaker.
“Go for the Doctor,” he said roughly, picking flecks of milk and dried cake from his black fur.
“How’d it go?” the voice on the other end, a woman, asked.
“Pretty good, based on the contact high I got from the hallucinogens we pumped in there,” the cat said, smoothing the white fur on his belly with his gloves. “They believed I was what I looked like, and I’m pretty sure the boy thought his fish was talking when that skeptical little twat Sally kept being a killjoy.”
“You stayed in character and went with it, good,” the woman’s voice said, sounding pleased as the two men in red jump suits took off their wigs. She continued, “But you did the job? Hang on, you sound muffled … are you still wearing that mask?”
Chuckling, the cat pulled at his ears, revealing a pale, balding man with salt and pepper hair in streaks on both sides. “That thing’s comfy from inside, as cold as it is out there. My high was wearing off when the twins were doing their thing, after setting up the taps on data lines outside. While they kept the kids busy, I was able to install the cameras and microphones.”
“Do you think the kids will say anything?” the woman’s voice asked, worried.
“The boys down in psych ops had this right,” the man replied, smirking as he started to unzip his costume. “Nobody would believe a giant cat and two blue haired weirdos in a box were ever here. If they did tell their mom, what evidence could they present? That place is just the way we found it … with our own exceptions.”
“Good, then we should have all the intel we need,” she said, satisfied. “Wrap it up and get back to the safehouse, we need to get you three out of the country tonight.”
“Roger that,” the cat-man said as one of the twins, now dressed as a power company employee, took the driver’s seat. Clicking the phone closed, the cat-man said, “That really is that,” as the van drove into the rainy afternoon.
It really bothered me that the CITH disappeared for so long, and that Sally had no lines.
Coincidentally, I don’t see any reason the cheese should stand alone, either …
Playing (Music): “Panic Switch” by Silversun Pickups